Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

There comes a point when you have been in an abusive relationship far too long and it doesn't matter what others think, you are going to argue, defend, lie, and even physically assault someone about your man/woman.  When you find yourself acting out of rage when someone is only trying to help, you are out of your mind!  For some reading this, someone may have even said, "You are crazy...what do you see in him?  Why do you put up with her, well you must be out of your mind, because I could never..."  A person in an abusive relationship has to one day look at that one in the mirror and come to the realization that he or she is in fact out of his or her mind to keep permitting someone to physically or verbally abuse, cheat, lie, steal, connive and do other evil things against he or she and his or her family. So how do you know, you are out of your mind in what you might consider a normal relationship? 1.  You argue more than you talk to one another ...

A new study on teen dating violence shows that later in life those who experienced bad relationships when young will most likely have substance abuse issues and other problems during adult years.  Parents pay attention to your children especially when a certain boy or girl's name keeps coming up! See here:  http://www.usatoday.com/story/news/nation/2012/12/07/teen-dating-violence-pediatrics/1749105/ or click here.

This website identifies the character of an abuser, but what is especially helpful are the comments.  To those of you who date, don't be so quick to accept any man or woman who seems to get close to you quickly (ie. less than a year).  He or she makes plans for the future (within weeks of knowing you), starts living over your home (within months --practically pushing his or her self on you), and desires to do much for you even when you can do for yourself.  Chances are, this person has some lingering emotional issues that have yet to show up. The Miracle Principle

Not ready to let go of a man who name-calls, hits, slams doors, and curses you when he doesn’t like what you say or do, why?   Well, for some women they simply stay because, “I’m not letting that b*tch he’s sleeping with have him!   He is the father of my kids,” says the abused woman.   Meanwhile, “the b*tch doesn’t “want” him, because she already had him and she isn’t much fond of him,” says her friend. You can clearly see from the opening paragraph there is dysfunction, illogical reasoning, and unnecessary drama.   But if you try to talk to someone who is going through something similar or if you are that person, there is no telling you that a man who cheats and disrespects you is not worth keeping.   Instead, you have to one day have an epiphany and realize that you can move on with your life without him.   Now presently your circumstances might not permit a mad dash for the door, but the idea is to start making your way to the door.   ...

Being in a relationship that is headed for break up isn't easy especially when children, finances, and other people and things are involved.  But people who have been victims or survivors of domestic violence know that the fight for freedom is well worth it and some battles you will win and others you might lose.  Your abusive partner might have a long history of lying, cheating and stealing whether the situations were little or big, his or her integrity is put into question often.  When feelings like this surface, you will need to test the spirits. People will claim that they love, trust, care, and want a future with you, but if deep inside you aren't convinced, it's time to get your hands dirty, it's time to ask the hard questions.   A partner or relative may or may not react negatively to your tests.  But you will never know about one's heart, true intentions, or thoughts when you have a closed mouth.  I learned this the hard way.  Having spent ye...

What you probably deal with in your home is probably something that I wouldn't tolerate in my own home.  Hi, I'm Nicholl McGuire, self-published author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books. I thought that I would take this time to share some thoughts about relationship conflict and abuse.  Now, I know for some reading this, there is a thin line between love and hate especially when you have been abused.  I am one of those personalities that don't have much patience for foolishness and less patience when it comes to lies, half-truths, and a negative disposition from a partner whether it is about me or not.  So for me, being in a relationship is at times very challenging and there are those moments that I prefer to be left alone.  But for some, you can take a whole lot, can't you?! I have heard and read many stories online and I am thinking, "What I went through is nothing, compared to what others have gone through!"  Yet, we are all differ...

The Break Up Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate by Nicholl McGuire by nichollmcguire on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free

Dating Violence Memoirs: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate by Nicholl McGuire - YouTube

Permitting abuse and being an abuser has something to do with being rejected from birth.  I urge some of you to examine your childhood a little more closely, then put some issues to rest by doing what is necessary to free you!  From counseling to cutting people off, seek your healing this day! Rejected From Birth? | Gomestic

Why Do People Control Others Through Emotional Manipulation? | Healthmad

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month - 7 Ways You Can Make a Difference

Laboring To Love An Abusive Mate: Not Ready To Leave Your Partner Even Though You Know You Should

Is your partner suppressing the light within you by wanting his or her selfish needs met?  You might be involved in a relationship with a Narcissist.  Learn more: Narcissism in Relationships - Part 1: The Ego's Quest for Superiority Narcissism in Relationships - Part 2: Using People as Objects Narcissism in Relationships - Part 3: Repairing the Relationship  Note: This is a six-part series.

Not only do partners abuse one another, but with all that pent up rage, they also take it out on pets too!  I thought this article might be helpful to those of you who have witnessed or know of someone abusing their pets. ASPCA | Why Do People Abuse Animals?

Do you feel like you have to stay with someone who is hurting you?  You might want to read the following article.  Often people stay with an abusive partner because they just don't know what to make of them.  Rather than have a simple relationship, it becomes a case study.  One person becomes the counselor while the other becomes the patient--uh oh!!  Click on the following link: Tears & Healing

Sex is a natural response to all of the positive feelings you might be having toward your partner.  Who doesn't want to show one's love and adoration while getting some personal benefits?  However, the lack of sex in any relationship can make one irritable, impatient and even angry. There are those men and women who just don't do well in a sexless relationship especially if he or she is use to getting sex.  Some couples falsely assume that they can still operate in a once healthy relationship that has now had its share of challenges without zero affection.  This might work if both parties agree to a sexless partnership, but it doesn't work when one has his or her share of needs while the other doesn't. A woman who had been in an abusive relationship for years shared with me times that she was abused simply because she wasn't in the mood nor had no sexual desire for her husband.  She said, "He would become angry...He beat me sometimes.  I made excuses no...

Domestic Violence Awareness Handbook

Reference material to help those of you who need more insight about domestic or dating violence. USDOJ: Office on Violence Against Women: Crimes of Focus: Domestic Violence

The Break Up Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate by Nicholl McGuire by nichollmcguire on SoundCloud - Create, record and share your sounds for free

From abusive bullying to suicide prevention, this site offers some very useful information if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, see here: Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

If you want respect, you have to earn it, so the old adage goes.  So here you are in a new dating relationship.  You find that at times your date can be really disrespectful to others.  It is only a matter of time that he is going to be angry with you.  If you set him or her straight early, you will be showing him or her that if this person really wants to be with you, he or she can't curse you.  There are other ways to address a matter besides name-calling, insulting, or jumping in someone's face.  But where many new couples make their mistake is they allow their partners to say disrespectful things to them early on. At first a date seems to be saying some harmless things and may even be joking.  But then in time, the words become more threatening and at times he or she looks like their losing it.  He calls her a few chose names and then she follows up with a few creative curse words.  Before long, the couple is having a contest called,...

When a person who has witnessed his or her own parents abuse one another as well as others, they learn a thing or two about how to control people.  You may be in a relationship with someone who likes to nit-pick, talk about you to others, and find these little, as well as big, ways to pay you back when he or she doesn't like what you are doing in the relationship. You aren't crazy to think that the man or woman you are living with has it in for you.  You feel a sinking feeling in your stomach when he or she comes around.  You feel like if you should  say something about your partner's actions or in-actions in the relationship or do something wrong, he or she will try to get even and make you feel as if you are the problem or crazy one.  Don't underestimate these people who have grew up with abusers--they are sensitive types always seeing what is wrong with everyone else, but themselves. For example, let's say your mate is miserable about one issue or an...

Your mind has told you to leave your abusive situation.  People around you keep reminding you of what you said about leaving your abusive partner, but when do you plan to do it?  The more you think about breaking it off, the more reasons you will find to stay with him or her.  "She's good with the kids...he makes good money...what will the children think?"  Concern yourself with those things after you leave.  This is the weekend for some of you that will set you on that path toward freedom! You have been playing with the idea of leaving for years, but now is the time!  The extra money will be there for some of you, because you filed your income tax return early.  Don't let him, the children or relatives plan your money for you!  Take it and put it on a new place to stay.  Put some aside to finance your move.  Forget what you promised him or her you would do with the money, get away!  Somebody out there reading this, your life...

One day while surfing the web, I came across a forum where people were talking about, what was one thing they didn't miss about being in a relationship anymore?  I was expecting to read comments like, "I don't have to listen to his snoring...don't have to visit her relatives anymore..." you know simple things like that.  However, I read things like, "I don't have to take her physical and mental abuse...The beatings."  What!?  I thought, some people in this forum are fresh out of relationships that had been causing them so much mental and physical suffering.  Just think, you are grateful to be out of a relationship because you don't have to worry over getting hit on the head, shoved, spit on, kicked, or cursed out in front of people.  But I also thought, "How much damage have these people suffered and will they be abusing the next person they get involved with?  Have they sought any help?" Some of you who are in relationships who have ...

You think there is no harm being done in a relationship when you deliberately make up in your mind you don't want to have any intimacy with your partner?  Maybe he or she made you angry days even weeks ago, but if you keep playing with fire, you will get burned.  However, what if you are the one who isn't playing games with sex.  You actually enjoy it, but want more.  Maybe your partner is the one using sex to control you.  If so, this is an abusive tactic that must be stopped. The more society preaches sex the more society is lacking sex.  The human spirit loses interest in anything that is constantly being preached, taught, marketed, sold, or simply discussed.  For those powers that be, whether in your home or out of it, they are glad one is tired of hearing and seeing sexual symbols, because if you are, you won't be having sex and if you aren't having sex you aren't making any babies or more of them. You know a relationship is headed for ru...