Moving On -- No More Working to Love Him

When you first met him, what was it like?  You listened to what he said.  You took his words as truth.  You reasoned away doubt.  You believed his lies.  Now look at you.  Controlled, manipulated, and emotionally abused by words said as recent as yesterday.  When people tell you that your partner doesn't deserve you, he is no good, or other choice words, you agree with them, yet you stay.

Staying with someone who is emotionally or physically abusive is more challenging than leaving.  Once you are packed up and out the door, your life awaits you.  However, when you stay, you don't see anything but what he wants, where he wants to go, how he feels, and so on; therefore, your life is put on hold.  You find yourself working each day to maintain a relationship with someone who doesn't love or respect you nearly as much as you love him.  How much more do you have to take before you tell yourself, "I will not work to keep my love alive for him."  When do you walk away and stay away? 

Missing someone is not the same as loving them.  You might have took a break from the abusive man.  You may have believed his promises he would do better.  Instead of things getting better, they only worsened.  You know what you have to do, but when? 

The most difficult task is training your mind to live without your abuser while preparing your feet to make an exit.  You worry about not having enough money, finding your own place, what people might think if you leave, and more, but worrying doesn't do anything more than hold you back.  One must walk out on faith without permitting, "What if" statements to hinder you.

Daily you must tell yourself, "I choose to live my life without him.  I will not remain in a relationship where I am not happy.  I will no longer stress myself out trying to appease him.  I will do the kind of things that will enrich my life--I owe it to myself!"  The more you self-talk, the closer you will get to your goal:  I will no longer labor to love an abusive mate.

When you first met the once charming, now very angry man, you didn't have all of the baggage you now have.  You didn't experience difficult times with him--he was different and so were you back then, but you matured.  Envision yourself emotionally and physically free like you were before the controlling man came into your life.  Wasn't it nice to go and come as you please?  Didn't you enjoy moments where you sat back and did nothing without a care?  What about those good times when you didn't have relationship problems like your loved ones and friends had with their men?  You know you can still re-claim your freedom--you owe it to yourself!

Remember you can't change your abuser, focus on you, get free, and God will do the rest.

Nicholl McGuire 


Emotionally Abused for a Sickness You Can't Help

God permits all sorts of things to happen to us human beings as we age.  Some things we have pills and potions for while others not so much.  There are no cures for many diseases and conditions and yet the human spirit manages to keep on living anyway.  Yet, there are those individuals we don't know aren't so positive about those illnesses we simply can't manage and God has no plans on curing us from.  We are like the Apostle Paul with a thorn in our flesh that keeps us humble.  People who are controlling, dysfunctional, ignorant, or mean-spirited will have a problem with us no matter what we say or do to try to get them to be more understanding.

Abusive people don't respond well to any issue that does the following: inconveniences them, makes them feel uncomfortable, cost money, shames them, or causes them to feel like they are out of control.  They become increasingly angry, impatient, and rude the more the private matter comes up.  As if the burden isn't heavy enough, now the abusive mate is going to act in ways that will make you feel worse, because he or she chooses not to be sympathetic and refuses to no longer assist.

In the beginning of most relationships, angry men and women hide their evil spirits and act very understanding and caring.  However, in time when they see that an issue is here to stay, they begin to show their true colors.  It is then that the relationship heads south, arguments increase, and worse some couples become increasingly emotionally and/or physically abusive toward one another.

When you recognize that a partner lacks compassion and love for you, it is best to become distant.  Establish connections with people who have similar issues.  Look for ways to build up your strength mentally and physically so that you can live a life apart from the abusive person who claims to still love you despite having an evil way of showing it.

Nicholl McGuire
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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