Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

One of the biggest mistakes we make when getting involved with troubled people personally and/or professionally is that we choose to overlook the warning signs that tell us, "Something isn't right...This person is acting strangely, crazy...I should keep my distance."  Some people will ignore the warning signs for reasons like, "Well, he doesn't look crazy...maybe it's me.  I guess she isn't so bad, she reminds me of..." and go ahead anyway with what appears to be a healthy connection until it turns into a mountain of dysfunction.  With every insult, anger outburst, and other negative emotions, one feeling within that starts to stand out more than others with some people is that of self-defeat.  The desire to win a great friendship, an argument, love, affection, a compliment, a gift, a ring, or anything else is no more.  Too tired, overwhelmed and bitter to keep trying, some so-called good men and women stray.  Before long, one is accepting whateve

You heard the songs that talk of a man or woman in a relationship not being able to live without one another.  Some talk of dying if they can't be with the other.  It all sounds so romantic, but this loving talk has a dark side.  It programs couples to think that they can't manage in this world without one another.  In time, one is on the suicide path.  This sort of thinking is toxic! A person that feels like he or she can't move, sleep, awake, go anywhere, or do anything without the other has become trapped in a cage of a relationship where there is no key to escape.  One's mind is consumed with the thoughts of the other quite often.  Whenever an independent thought or idea comes up, the abused victim thinks, "If I make this move or that one, what will he think, what might he do?  If I go here, how will she react?"  On the surface, it appears reasonable to consider the thoughts of the other, but for victims of frequent emotional and physical abuse this hap

This wasn't brave of her, it was cruel, selfish, and crazy, she allowed another human being to humiliate her, beat her, rule the kids, teach the family how to hate, manipulate, lie, and abuse others. Oh, what a twisted mind will do for love! We judge, hate, and sometimes we cut off contact with abused relatives and friends.  These victims serve as reminders of when we were once weak.  We too permitted others to abuse and use us whether we knew their intentions or didn't believe what they were doing, either way we were being emotionally hurt over and over again until we wised up. Self-righteous victims and survivors are so busy trying to make something that isn't meant to be, meant while others have become so weary of relationship, work, and other dramas that the fight to do anything different just isn't there anymore.  Therefore partners can cheat while victims look away, children can be disobedient without little, if any, discipline, money is wasted on useless goo

You may be in a relationship with someone who just takes work to make happy. He or she acts as if they love you, but do they really? Aside from what we know is just not characteristic of a good relationship (such as hitting, choking, kicking, etc.,) why do we work so hard to make people love us when they obviously don't? You may have tried to uplift his or her spirits with a story or two, and he or she just looked the other way and continued to busy his or her self. You may have tried to buy him or her a gift hoping to put a smile on this ungrateful person's face. No matter what you do in his or her eyes, you are not good enough. This kind of behavior (without the physical beatings) can be emotionally draining. When will good enough, be good enough? How many times must you initiate a conversation, love-making, a place to go, or suggest an idea to make your partner's life better? Are there no other people on the planet that will appreciate you? Of course, there are,

Could it Be That These Health Issues Contributed to Women Being Abusive Toward Men? "What did he do to cause her to hit him? He probably deserved it." "As big as he is and he is accusing her of being abusive?" "Why would he call the police on her?" This is just a sample of the many quotes that have been said about men who have been in violent relationships with their abusive wives and girlfriends. Women aren't the only victims when it comes to domestic violence, men have their share of stories too. "It takes two to tango," so the saying goes. And what the public rarely hears is his side of the story and if he chooses to share it, would we believe him anyway? Picture this, an irritable, emotional, hungry, wife with an emotional disorder that occurs two weeks out of every month. She doesn't seem to think her problem is serious. She barks out orders to her husband and children like a drill sergeant. She makes false accusations abo

Let's face it. Our government sent thousands of men and women into battle. They didn't know what they were getting into when they arrived in Iraq. Of course we sympathize with them, and we pray night after night they come home safe. And when they do, everything is different. He or she has changed. They are not the same person you remember. Is it their fault? Why place blame, because we can certainly point fingers. But the bottom line here is that you will be affected one way or another upon their return, and a lot of times, it isn't positively. Short tempers. Anger. Resentment. Grieving for lost comrades. Why did the government send me there? Why is my life ruined? I can't cope with life now. My spouse or partner doesn't understand. Why did I get injured? I can't work now. My partner wants love and affection. I can't give it anymore. All I see is bloodshed. All I see is pain and anguish. No one understands. My life will never be the same. I wish I wou

You have been called names, threatened, lied to, physically beaten , kept captive in a room, told to keep quiet and yelled at to perform senseless acts all in the name of love by the one who calls himself your lover, boyfriend, fiancé, or husband. People have judged you, advised you, cut you off, scolded you, and so much more just to communicate one thing and that is to leave him. The problem you are having with yourself and everyone around you, your mind and heart are not ready to leave at least not yet. So the following statements will challenge you to look inside yourself and evaluate your world around you and hopefully you will be motivated to do what is right for you and/or your family before it's too late. It's time to take out a piece of paper, pen the thoughts that come to your mind as you read. My daddy doesn't know me. Whether it was your dad or any man around you that you wanted to be close to as a young girl, but he just never wanted to allow you to ge

What is your definition of love ? How do you determine whether a person loves you or not? Many people define love based on what they have witnessed their parents and other relatives say and do when it comes to love. Others may not have found what exactly love is amongst the people they know; therefore, they look toward books, movies, and music. Once they have found a definition of love they can agree with, they will show love in the way they feel most comfortable. Do you know what your mate's definition of love is and does it align with yours? The following information will help you assess your own definition of love, understand his meaning of love, and whether or not it is even worth staying in a relationship. What is your personal definition of love? In order to determine what is your personal definition of love, you will have to process what it is not. We all know that love is not a hot moment in bed, a thoughtful card, financial help, physical attributes and other action