Wednesday

Walking on Egg Shells, Sulking Behavior - Borderline Personality Disorder


A Partner Didn't Mean It, Really, Sorry Yet Again - Making an Exit Plan for the New Year

Some temperamental, violent, and angry types just don't get it!  Did a partner really have to hit, yell, name-call, throw things, or use the period of silent treatment yet again to hurt you?  When a supposedly loved one seems to have bouts of going from happy to angry from getting along to creating chaos, you have to wonder, "Can I keep up with this?  How is he/she affecting me, the children...?  Do I really want this person in my life?"


What is one willing to give up right now for things like:  peace, happiness, the focus to pursue goals, the strength to stand up for self, and all other things that are healthy qualities of life?  We can make life simply too hard to live by the choices we make personally and professionally.  You might want more money, a bigger house, freedom, and other things that solve personal issues, but what do you have to do to make those things happen?  The same mindset you use when it comes to chasing after material dreams is what you have to use when exiting out of a miserable relationship.  See what is ahead and start living the dream! 


When dealing with a person who has sapped so much of your time and energy, you must start living as if the person doesn't exist.  Master that first!  Imagine your life without the individual although he or she is still around you right now, but envision what that looks like.  Now what is in your power to start making your exit plan happen?


1.  Start going places you like, not "we" like, without this person.
2.  Make plans that include you and not "we."
3.  Visit your relatives and friends (not ours) without your partner in tote.  A good support system will motivate you to stick with your plans.
4.  Work longer hours--you will definitely need the money when it is time to make your move.
5.  Find additional ways to make money and save your money in a separate bank account.
6.  Spend moments at home in a room alone. 
7.  Don't feel obligated any longer to serve the person.  He or she is mature enough to make his or her own meals, pay bills, clean up messes, etc.
8.  Start looking for a place of your dreams (this includes locations out of state).
9.  Avoid sharing personal thoughts/plans/dreams with this person.
10.  Set a date when you plan to make your move and enlist the help of others from an attorney to a police escort.  (Note: Don't visit a place of worship that he or she attends and seek counsel there; rather go elsewhere.)


Note:  Stop the love-making gradually.  This only keeps you tied to someone you obviously no longer see beneficial to you.  Start saying to yourself things like: "ex" "former partner" "past mate."  A person who repeatedly hurts you no longer deserves titles like: "husband" "boyfriend" "wife" "fiancé"


The act of saying sorry is nothing more than a Band-Aid that simply covers a wound that never seems to get any better without putting some medicine on it.  Your attempt at freeing yourself from yet another episode of emotional, physical or mental abuse is launching spiritual warfare (look that up believers and start praying some of those Psalms especially Psalm 91).  It won't be easy to break free, but for those of you who have heard, "Sorry" in so many ways from a mentally disturbed individual, let "sorry" be your motivation for exiting your mistake--most likely you knew long ago you had no business selecting this person as your mate. 


As we all know, some people really do apologize from the heart, while others not so much, but those words do nothing to protect you from what is still to come--more tears, fears, and pain--do you really want more of that during the New Year?


Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

Staying with an Abuser - A Detrimental Choice that Affects All

Being angry with a person who chooses to stay with an abuser is wasted energy.  Rather, one could redirect that anger toward a cause or passion that might help those who want to be helped. 


When the abused chooses to stay with someone who is emotionally, spiritually and physically toxic, the victim's decision to stay affects everyone sooner or later.


The police officer who gets pulled away from one crime scene ends up at the front door of a couple who is out of control--more time could have been focused on a more pressing matter involving the death of someone's loved one.  A neighborhood hears the frequent cries of a woman who is getting beaten yet again, nerves are tensed and some wonder if she might die at the hands of her abuser.  Children watch parents in disbelief and wonder if mom and dad might hurt them during one of their fits of rage.  A place of employment that is counting on an employee to show up ready for work deals with frequent call-offs and/or performance issues which makes it difficult to keep the victim/abuser employed.  A church attempting to win souls for Christ doesn't have a good standing in the community when one of their leaders has a problem loving and caring for his family; therefore, people don't bother coming.  With the negative impact of one choosing to stay with an abuser, society ends up footing bills. 


Victims staying with abusers is not exclusively their issue, it is a community issue.  This is why most people will not encourage the abused to stay with an abuser regardless of the following:  years of marriage, wealth accumulated, religious affiliation, power, name recognition, etc.  It would be nice if the emotionally damaging relationship would make it through life's storms, but many don't.  Those couples that finally do settle down are just making it--getting by while awaiting for the day that a troubled partner will soon depart.


Choosing to stay with an abusive, controlling, or often angry mate is a choice that can keep family at a distance, rob one of the joy of children and grandchildren, cause emotional and physical issues for those witnessing the controlling behaviors while making loved ones and close friends pray to their heavenly Creator for a swift end to the madness.


Nicholl McGuire

One Day the Abuse Just Stopped

I spoke to a widow who shared with me about how one day the abuse just stopped.  I asked her what happened.  Here's what she said.


"He was getting ready to jump on me again.  My son was standing in the background with his daddy's shot gun.  He told him that he wasn't being disrespectful, but that his dad had to stop.  My husband looked at him.  He knew that his son would have blown him away.  From that point on, he stopped abusing me."


A husband, who had been abusing the widow for years, finally stopped.  Notice it was once the boy got old enough to hold his father's gun and threaten him with it.  She told me he was teenager back then about 17 or 18 years old.  How many of you have that kind of time?  How much more abuse will you endure before your violent partner finally stops?


Nicholl McGuire

Sunday

Ex Back - False Hope, Limited Happiness - Holiday Celebrations

Still emotionally high on that nice time a victim had with his or her abuser over the holidays, the victim hopes for the best concerning his or her relationship.  Relatives and friends may have encouraged him or her to stay with well-wishes and promises to pray. 


Persuading one's self into believing that there is still a chance for a quality relationship sprinkled with toxicity, the victim shuts out past negativity for a time telling his or herself, "Forgive and forget."  Church visiting and man-made religion further programs the abused to stick out a bad relationship long past red alert signs and warnings from witnesses. Victims will gravitate to messages of forgiveness and pray while hoping a righteous God will put a stamp of approval on their poor selection of a mate (the Bible warns not to get involved with an angry man and not to be unequally yoked.  In addition, to reminding believers that the body is the temple of the Holy Ghost).  Yet, in spite of wise teachings, victims will go along with man-made feel good messages in an effort to stay in a honeymoon period mindset.  The writer knows this all-too-well--been there, done that!


The victim tries to forget what happened last week, last month, and last year while admiring gifts and observing a seemingly peaceful mate these days.  The abuser was moody back then, angry yet again about something.  He or she yelled, threatened the victim and then put his or her hands on a body the abuser only had sex with not that long ago.  But that was in the past or is it?


How soon do victims in toxic relationships forget?  How self-deceiving they are into thinking that days will get better for always!  Good times with controlling, abusive, angry men and women are only temporary.  The honeymoon period is blissful, the abuser shows affection, laughs, acts like he or she is in love, and will flatter.  But those cold days will return when the angry man or woman will be back to eye-rolls, deep sighs, lies, exaggerations, arguing, defending, accusing, cursing, acting sneaky, while taking out his or her rage on anyone within arm's length.  Meanwhile, the victim will ride the rollercoaster ride again and again making his or her self sick with headaches, stomachaches, backaches, and more!  The victim blames everyone else and everything else for the honeymoon period's abrupt ending, but the abuser, the main one who causes most drama.  Victims look to blame outsiders for their troubled relationships when they ought to blame selves for getting mixed up with a crazy man or woman to begin with! 


The victim worries about angering his or her controlling partner, and attempts to keep the peace by shutting down, shutting off and shutting out anyone or anything who could potentially get him or her in trouble.  So if the phone is a problem, he or she won't talk to relatives and friends as much or avoid speaking to them when a partner is around.  If the children are trouble, he or she will find people to watch them or get them involved in activities so that they aren't home as much. If money is an issue, he or she will carefully watch spending and put off personal pleasures or use others to get what one wants.


It is up to the victim to decide if he or she has the energy to get in the boxing ring when the turbulent time comes around again.  There is no guarantee that the individual will win the next fight or even survive mentally, physically or spiritually after the next bout.  With every emotional dispute, a piece of one's self dies when name-calling, pushing, throwing things, and more are involved.  Throw children into the mix and even they wonder, "When will mom and dad be at it yet again?"  So they prepare themselves by staying away from the loose canons.  Sometimes a parent can almost see a storm coming through the eyes of a child.  He or she will notice the distance, the increase in mood swings, and the worry show up on a son or daughter's face before the storm hits.


Alcohol, drugs, women's menstrual issues, post-partum depression, menopause, andropause, job loss, sudden death of a loved one, law suits, bad mouthing from relatives and friends, and more are all honeymoon killers.  A man or woman who already has his or her share of mental issues is not going to be very understanding when his or her partner is going through personal challenges.  Therefore, the niceties of yesterday are forgotten or exaggerated in the hope that things will get better once again.  Most victims rather weather another storm and risk losing their self-esteem, material assets, or even their lives, then to plan an exit out of the cage that has been created for them by their abusers.


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on relationships, parenting, bible studies and more at YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love Myself.

Saturday

Holiday - Christmas Blues: What Does the Lord Say? Message of Rebuke Jer...


Decades of Marriage and What Does One Show for It?

For years a couple has been together and has hoped for the best.  Argument after argument has resulted in emotional and physical wounds.  Those who have been verbally, nonverbally and physical abusive to one another typically want to get out, but often don't--not for a long-time.  It is their wish for "things to get better" that keep them in miserable relationships even when they know they should be getting out.


What does one really have to show for being in an abusive relationship 10 plus years?  Is it the numbers that make him or her feel like one has done some thing significant in life?  Maybe it is the drama the couple has withstood over the years that make some brag about how long they have been together.  Whatever the reason that an abusive partner and his or her victim don't hesitate to share how long they have had to put up, shut up, and overall deal with one another, it just isn't healthy staying with anyone who destroys a temple that houses a God-created spirit.  It makes no logical sense to keep giving someone the best years of your life when it is obvious that he or she could care less about you, the relationship and sometimes even the children and grandchildren.  Why bother?


No amount of numbers can justify being with a controlling individual who not only broke down his or her partner, but sons and daughters too.  They also walk around with old wounds.  They have the memories of when parents fought and observe how they still treat one another to date.  The words, images and feelings are nothing good when sons and daughters still find themselves walking on eggshells around one or both parents. 


Some sons and daughters never get over "what happened when...," simply because abuser and victim don't want to acknowledge their mistakes, make wrongs right, or even bother to distance themselves from one another.  For some of these couples, staying for the sake of children is long past due.  Sons and daughters have long left turbulent households forever grateful to be far away from the sickness of two people who forced themselves to be together for so long.  Yet, misery does love company and will find ways to call back victims to the toxic household especially when the couple hasn't been getting a long lately.


Energy draining marriages are prolonged due to: familiarity, past memories, spiritual reasons, toxic emotional and physical ties, and most of all personal assets.  This is the most significant reason in many marriages why two stubborn people stay together.  They acquired material wealth during the length of the marriage they refuse to walk away from.  Therefore, two wounded souls aren't going anywhere.  For them mind, body and soul healing, is not worth leaving one's material assets behind.   Not only will abuser and victim fight one another, but they will also fight to keep personal belongings too.


With years of things shared between the abuser and victim, neither want to walk away.  Unfortunately, some women and men have lost their lives disputing over things like: money, cars, homes, and more.  Is it really worth it?


Although hearing that one has been with a person for 10 plus years is admirable, it doesn't mean that the relationship is stable, is something to be appreciated, or honored.  This is why some children could care less how long mom and dad has been married.  The truth is they would have been more happy had the victim divorced his or her abuser.  No child wants to see and experience a parent's unhappiness.


Nicholl McGuire also writes books.  Do check them out here:


Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic https://www.createspace.com...
When Mothers Cry https://www.createspace.com...
Laboring to Love Myself https://www.createspace.com...
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate https://www.createspace.com...
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street http://www.blurb.com/bookst...
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl http://www.blurb.com/bookst...

Wealth Doesn't Make the Angry Partner a Good Guy or Gal

Far too many people are deceived into thinking that someone is a "good" person because they have much wealth, act politely in public, and look attractive.  Having money, degrees, a large house, and a fancy car doesn't make an angry woman or man any better than an angry homeless person on the street!


These argumentative, quick-tempered men and women, who use their money, fame and power to manipulate others, are exposed sooner or later by the long trail of victims they leave behind them.  Yet, those who have a hard time believing that the nice guy they spoke briefly with would act viciously toward his wife or girlfriend are the most deceived.  Some people just can't spot a controlling, mean-spirited person.  Their eyes and ears are charmed into thinking that the one who has least is the problem and the one who has more is considered blessed.  The man or woman with money is deemed smarter, sweeter, and better than the partner who doesn't have as much.  The person who might be well-connected in the community and know many people on the street isn't necessarily the great man or woman at home.


It doesn't help matters trying to prove that a rich, angry man or woman is indeed that way when the one being used and abused is not good with managing his or her money, doesn't know many people in the community, or has a long history of making poor decisions, critics will assume that if he or she is being disrespected by his or her partner then maybe there was something done that made the partner very angry.  These critics will then create assumptions or make up stories rather than listen to the truth particularly when the person doing the abusing is a beloved son or daughter, community leader, celebrity, business owner or investor.


Rarely does an outsider looking in on a couple with many things thinks that something is mentally and spiritually wrong with one or both.  The outsider is more concerned about what pleases the eye than what could be brewing between the troubled couple.  This is why some observers viewing the well-to-do couple are shocked when they hear that one is violently attacked and left for dead.  They are even more disturbed when they realize that the supposedly smart, rich, and attractive guy or gal did it. 


The victim, whether male or female, is often encouraged to stick it out with the partner who has more money or comes from a wealthy family.  Negative stories are ignored, warning signs are overlooked, and listeners formulate their own opinions about the one doing the story-telling.  "I don't believe that man is bad, she is the problem...there is nothing wrong with that woman, she has all that money, her man is probably jealous of her," some might say.  Yet, when the couple is out of public view, the victim sees her husband or boyfriend's true colors.  He will rant about his money and what he bought and how the woman doesn't have any money.  He might brag about his accomplishments while insulting his partner. 


A man, who might be with a wealthy abusive woman, will experience his share of verbal and physical attack especially if he isn't working.  The sneaky woman might even tempt the man to slap, push or kick her, so that she can cry abuse in an attempt to get him out of the house.  If she doesn't want to distribute assets during a break up, the wealthy woman will also find a way to use the court system to rid herself of what she considers is "a problem"--one she created with all her controlling ways.  The same might happen with a rich, abusive man when it comes to pushing his victim outdoors.


Observers, who falsely assume that a rich man or woman is a good person, might want to change their way of thinking.  Further, watch encouraging victims to stay with abusive men and women just because they have wealth (i.e.) nice home, rich parents, expensive car, name recognition, etc. 


When someone repeatedly feels mistreated in a relationship has reached a point that he or she wants out, heed the warning.  Loved ones and friends may want to offer assistance, but keep in mind to avoid the speech about staying with a moody or violent partner because he or she is wealthy.


Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

Said Too Much, Did Too Little - The Abuser Will Make the Victim Pay Sooner or Later

Mean-spirited, vindictive, or thoughtless relatives and friends can add to the drama in a household comprised of victim, abuser and children by simply saying or doing too much.  To get out of a challenging relationship requires planning, finances, and patience.  But when a victim either has no support system or far too many people who want to help or could care less about safety, he or she may have to deal with more violence until his or her broken self can safely exit the relationship.


Some of the issues that tend to arise deal with anything from what might have been said at a family event to how the victim behaved.  The abuser pays attention to many things concerning his or her partner and if the individual acted in ways that the moody man or woman didn't like, most likely there will be disputing and/or fighting.


Most victims don't bother to say much at a family event because they don't want to have to deal with the additional drama from a watchful partner.  Sometimes they feel compelled to sit or stand close to a spouse or intimate partner because they don't want to give their abuser any excuse to want to verbally or non verbally hurt them at the event.  So if he or she sits nearby or checks in frequently with a partner, it isn't because he or she is so in love with the violent man or woman, but it is because the couple has an understanding that no information gets leaked out and no one should suspect anything.  The victim says to caring relatives and friends when asked how is everything? "We are good...just fine...no problems."  He or she knows better or else.


It can be difficult for victims to express themselves when their batterers or controlling mates are right in the next room.  They also don't feel comfortable being out of their partner's sight for long.  In addition, they are careful not to use or answer their phone when their controlling partner is around.  They isolate themselves most of the time, but if they should come out for family events, they know what they are to do or else get punished.  If a concerned relative should press matters or publicly draw attention to a scar or bruise, that person puts the victim at risk.  Speak about issues privately, never out in the open or share information with gossips.


Many women and men will be dealing with their share of relationship drama tonight or possibly in the near future, because one's controlling spouse or partner is going to bring up something the victim did or didn't do at the family event.  "Why did you tell...where were you when I was looking for you...why didn't you help mom when she asked you to...why did you talk to the children about...?  I heard what you said about me!"  the abuser says. 


If there was too much talking by the victim, like something was told to the abuser that he or she didn't want to get out, there will be problems.  If the abuser felt any sort of shame or upset as a result of a relative talking to him or her about misdeeds, the victim will receive a verbal tongue lashing, the silent treatment, be physically beaten, and/or disrespected in some way by his or her abuser.


Laboring to love someone, who is abusive or controlling, is not only challenging, but crazy in the eyes of witnesses. Yet, when a victim is under a partner's control, he or she will do almost anything to keep from having to deal with a crazy woman or man in the home.  A victim might lie, cover up, or pretend as if he or she never talked to family members or friends.  The person may stay away from big mouth relatives.  He or she may even hate them because they got him or her in trouble.


Since relatives and friends don't know the rules of the relationship, they don't always know what to say or not to say or what to do or not to do around the victim and the abuser.  This can make anyone feel nervous or afraid for the victim.  With so much tension, there is a good possibility that for some relatives and friends they don't want the troubled couple around them until they separate or break up.


Nicholl McGuire is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and shares spiritual insight about a variety of issues on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Wednesday

The Holidays are a Temporary Relief for Victims

For many victims who are able to get around their family during the holidays, it is a nice relief from the stresses of being with an abuser.  There is much to talk about, but the abused doesn't typically share.  One must examine a face closely, view a neck, or look at hands and arms to determine if there has been any recent or past beatings.  You might happen to notice bruises or scratches if the individual changes a shirt or removes a pair of pants behind closed doors.  But revealing what you know and sharing it with others, during a holiday celebration, is not the wisest move not for the victim, the abuser or the witness.


Trust in relatives and friends must be established before a victim can feel comfortable enough to share the details of old wounds, bruises, and scars.  To jump to conclusions or to run out of a room all-too-ready to beat up the batterer may cause more problems including a ride downtown.  If the victim isn't ready to leave his or her abuser, the individual might turn on the one trying to be the Good Samaritan.


The holiday get-together is supposed to be a peaceful time and a joyous occasion.  A victim who simply wants to view lights on a Christmas tree that he or she may or may not have at home or sit amongst family and friends really doesn't want nothing more than to experience what it feels like being happy again.  Her mind takes her away to the days she once sat on the floor as a child and opened gifts.  It warms her heart to see the children happy and innocent.  To go back to a time of innocence is a healthy escape for the abused and used.


But good times don't last for long particularly for those in abusive relationships.  Maybe much money has been spent, too much glee and talking, and other concerns of the abuser begin to fester.  "What is she going to say?  Who is she talking to?  She better not be planning to leave...I wonder what my folks are saying to her?"


When the abused isn't ready to leave, she returns to a cold home.  She turns back into the woman who has to survive in the meantime.  Nothing really changes much.  Her abuser gets angry over someone or something, back to the shouting and hitting.  A relative, who may have sincerely wanted to help, may have given the victim a resource and told her to call.  The person might have invited her to an outing in the future.  But don't hold your breath, she won't do much with what she has.  It's business as usual until she is sick and tired of being sick and tired.


Nicholl McGuire wrote Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, get the book at the author's link to show support. Share it with those between the ages of 18 and 25.

Tuesday

Sex with a Monster - He Abuses, Then He Wants It

Shoving, hitting, punching, choking...the violent man is angry once again about his partner disagreeing with him during a dispute.  He doesn't like it when she uses "...that tone" with him.  So the controlling man felt that it was his responsibility to put the argumentative woman in her place.


After the yelling and the violence, the abuser calms down, goes into the kitchen and helps himself to something to drink.  He sits in front of the TV screen with clicker in hand while thinking about what he is going to say to the woman he has bruised and bloodied in the next room.  He yells, "Go clean up!" while the woman nurses her wounds in the bedroom.


The evening was bad--worse than other times, but things are quiet for now.  She tells herself, "As long as I don't say a word to him, everything will be alright."  Before long, the worn-out and battered woman falls asleep.  Not long after she has closed her eyes, the abuser climbs into the bed with her and holds her close.  Half asleep, the victim makes no objection and permits the monster to raise her nightgown up, climb on top of her and penetrate her.  Still sore after being beaten and now in pain below (because she wasn't prepared for sex), the experience that is minutes long feels like hours--she can't wait until the a$$h*le is done!  She rolls over afterward and sobs within, taking great care not to make a noise or move the bed.  If she moves wrong, her partner will ask, "What are you crying about?  Where are you going?"  She hates when he does that.  The angry man has fallen asleep, his snores sounds like a monster.


Nicholl McGuire

Friday

Angry with Partner, a Child Suffers

A father didn't anticipate having a child with a woman he once loved, but now considers crazy.  A mother cried many tears for failing to use birth control in between the many beatings she experienced at the hands of her abusive spouse.


A child suffers, he or she is unplanned, unwanted, and looks far too much like the abusive parent, he or she is treated differently.  There is a negative attitude toward the child by one or both parents.  Impatience, unexplained emotional outbursts, yelling, threats of violence, and physical abuse, the young girl or boy wishes he or she was never born to a couple who should have never had children.


Years before the son or daughter showed up, mom was a child watching her parents fight.  Her father experienced his share of abuse listening to elder brothers and sisters get beat by their father while his mother, a victim, watched.  Where does all the pain go if there is no outlet for unresolved childhood issues?  Typically, an unexpected pregnancy not only carries an innocent baby, but all the unbroken generational ties as well of both parents.  From curses to evil spirits, the womb, a battle of good and evil will one day give birth to an unsuspecting baby.  A newborn, who might have been conceived in love, but is born into emotional and/or physical chaos.


Mom fights or runs from dad when he isn't his self.  The daughter learns to stay out of sight and out of mind when dad is around.  Dad tells children, "Your mom isn't feeling well..." after yet another one of her explosive episodes, children learn much about fear.  Uneasy feelings never seem to go away in children.  They live with the constant threat of wondering when something bad is going to happen.  They are often worried.  Some experience so much worry when mean-spirited parents are around that they do the following:  lose control of their bladder, often have head and stomach issues, lie or cover-up personal feelings, runaway from home, experiment with alcohol and drugs, have sex prematurely and often, do poorly in school when they do go, or act violently toward parents and others.


Is it any wonder that a child under so much pressure at home doesn't perform as well as expected in school?  Both parents have created a nerve-racking environment.  Children are often criticized by troubled parents for what they say and do and can't play normally.  They are unable to communicate thoughts freely without being cut off or told what to say or think.  There is no feeling of love and rarely any displays of affection from abusive parents.  Should one even question why a child grows up not having any good relationships?


Angered with a violent partner, a victim will lash out on whoever just so happens to be standing in his or her way.  Needy children, often with their share of requests, can be selfish, disrespectful, and hard to parent, sometimes they are obstacles keeping a victim in his or her mess.  They cry, complain, fight, or curse parents for behaving negatively toward them; therefore repeating what they have seen their parents do to one another.


With so much pain within, it is hard to manage emotions much less daily responsibilities.  A child just wants to know, "When will things get better?  I wish mom would leave dad...I hate seeing them act like this.  Dad should just move out, live by himself!"  Children can see dysfunction and when they don't like what they see, they will react.  Delusional parents will attempt to shut them down which only makes matters worse.


A child witnessing abuse or suffering from abuse due to an angry, abused parent will not be still for long.


Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others.  Listen to thought-provoking spiritual commentary on life, relationships and more, here.

Thursday

Hen-Pecked, Controlled - The Weak-Minded Man

"She's controlling...she doesn't want you to do anything for you...she is so jealous...why do you let her treat you like that?  Man up!"  He has heard these things from critics, the abused husband/boyfriend denies what they say about his mate.  "You don't understand, she is just looking out for me.  She means well.  She isn't controlling me, I tell her what to do...don't worry, I got this!"  Sure, Macho Man, sure.


Men, who are considered hen-pecked, rarely, if ever, agree with critics when accused of allowing women to dominate them.  Hen-pecked, a term meaning men who are controlled, abused and dominated by partners, hate the adjective, but it is an accurate depiction of an abused man. 


The hen pecks at the rooster.  She doesn't care if he bleeds, cries, or fights her back, the man is a punching bag for the woman's rage within.  The troubled man, who has been dominated by his own mother or witnessed his mother control his father or step-father, allows the insults and assaults on his mind, body and spirit.  He doesn't think that what his wife or girlfriend does or says is a big deal since he has been known to be equally mean.  However, what he says or does isn't typically bad enough to put him in jail or so offensive that outsiders would take notice.


The poor man can't take a nap, watch television, or Internet surf in peace without his wife running her mouth or giving him the evil eye.  "You lazy S.O.B.!  Get over here!  What do you think you are doing?  You see, why I act the way I do, because I have a punk b*tch for a man!"  His wife is often angry, jealous, and moody most often due to a health issue or past unresolved issues.


Now some women aren't so bold with their hen-pecking and nagging, rather they operate covertly controlling their men with charm, niceties, promises, gifts, and service.  "Honey, I love you!  Would you mind cooking for me tonight?  Sweetheart would you be so kind as to give me some money?  Baby, you know I wouldn't hurt you or these kids, but if you cross me..."


The woman who appears very polite, patient even Christ-like is venomous like a serpent.  It doesn't take much for her to bite when annoyed with someone or something.  From a challenging job to difficult relatives, she is a walking head case, but most people don't know what she truly is since she hides evil so well with a painted face, manicured nails, expensive apparel, and high heeled shoes.


The controlled man knows that if he doesn't do right by his wife/girlfriend there will be hell to pay.  She may not curse at him or beat him, but she can kick him out the house since most, if not all her money paid for it and all that is in it.  She can sabotage his car, make him sick to his stomach, talk with a lawyer, call the police, tell his secrets, and force him to get rid of whoever or whatever she doesn't like including his own mother!  The bitter woman doesn't like it when her hen-pecked partner is running his own life and looks happy doing it.  So the controlled man knows how to act.  Even when times are good, if he shows that he likes someone or something other than her, he has to put on an act like he doesn't with Ms. Insecure.  His life is put on the back-burner while hers is on the front.  Whatever upsets his wife, he immediately fixes the situation even when it doesn't need fixing.  If she tells him what she likes to do even if it is an inconvenience to him or a ridiculous request, he will do what she says or else pay for it later.  Her yells, cries or passive aggressive behavior with him makes him fulfill her wishes whether he wants to do them or not.  He feels like he is a genie in a lamp, "Master, your wish is my command." 


Threats, fears and worries of "what if..." are personal motivators for the abused man to listen and obey- happy wife, happy life--his "intelligent and attractive" wife, so he tells others is just looking out for the family.  Really?  By controlling everyone and everything?  Like the female victim of domestic violence, the abused man wants the world to think he is still very much in love with his control freak for a wife.


Children try to warn the hen-pecked dad, "She is controlling."  Friends advise him to, "Be a man and don't let that woman rule you!"  Parents warn, "If she hits you again, you call the cops on her!"  He doesn't heed warnings and continues to live his life with a woman who has railroaded him into marriage, possibly a baby, or a few too many financial obligations together.  Before long, his money is paying for her ideas, visions, and fantasies.  He is saying things about "We" while forgetting "I."  There is nothing about his life that is his own!  The victim reflects back to those times, before the controlling woman walked into his life, and he tells himself, "Well, I guess this isn't so bad, I mean I didn't have back then what I have now."  The assets blind the poor man and sex with the manipulative, controlling woman further blinds him.


While the controlling woman is building up weapons against him (just in case) and feeling empowered in this relationship, as compared to others in the past, the controlled man is, for the most part, behaving himself.  Yet, one day he will awaken to the emotional abuse and/or physical abuse he has undergone by a woman who does this in the name of love (so she says).  He will begin to see the manipulation over the years, and the lies and when he awakens to reality, depending on how much he has been through, he just might turn violent.  An abused man, can be like an abused dog, who may have once been loyal to his master until she started beating him.  Now with teeth shown, he is prepared to attack.


The woman who doesn't think she is controlling, but truly is, has long created a wall around her heart as a result of being mistreated by men.  She forces herself to be nice, sweet and caring.  This is why she runs to anyone or anything that will help keep up her act.  In order to catch a man, the control freak plays a passive role to attract a man, but once she gets him, she turns into a black widow.  Her net is tightly woven around his life while there appears to be no way of breaking free.  Men who do walk away from the black widow are abused emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.  They will use spiritual witchcraft throughout the relationship to keep some men bonded to them.  For some abusive women (in jail to date), their men never got a chance to walk away.


While the public pities the woman when a man snaps, what they don't consider are those men who have been abused for years.  The last thing they will think about is a little woman controlling a man.  They will falsely assume that pretty, nice women are never at fault until they see video or hear audio of their crazed episodes.  Even with evidence in front of the public's skeptical eyes, some will still blame the victim.  "You should have left...you should have never stayed.  Why would you stay with a woman you knew was crazy?"


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on a variety of issues on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

The Enigmatic Truth - Spousal Abuse Witnessed by a Child


Wednesday

The Need to Please - When She Awakens from the Illusion

Enamored by the way he talks, walks, and looks, she doesn't expect that one day the allusion she has created for her lover will come off.  If he is too quiet, she goes out of her way to make him talk and laugh with her.  If he is too loud, she stays calm, out of site and hopefully out of  his mind at least temporarily.  She awaits patiently until her lover needs her services again. 

The woman, with a need to please her man, is blinded to the ramifications of taking on an enabler role.  She doesn't think there is anything wrong with catering to her man, agreeing with most things he says, defending him when he is wrong, and cutting off anyone or anything that he doesn't like.  She is just being a good wife/partner/lover, right?  Dysfunction has a way of looking healthy, doesn't it?  That is until you see a woman's mind,, body and spirit slowly dying in front of you as a result of trying to do everything right in a dead end relationship.

The woman with 100 ideas to keep her man happy, might be bold enough to voice her discomfort about her moody man to him.  She might express how he makes her feel and appear agreeable, but in time he will wear her out emotionally, bringing back up everything she thought was okay to say to him.   The angry man rarely sticks to what he promises he will do.  In the past, he said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have acted that way...please forgive me, you know how I can be...I'm a bad man I know, I apologize.  It won't happen again," the handsome manipulator said.  She falls for line after line, over and over and over again!  She makes excuses for his crazy behaviors, rude comments, his cold stares, and false stories.  When witnesses question her about her man's mental stability, she finds fault with them and eventually ends her connection to them.  Like a nurse, she cares for her patient and like a queen she submits to her king.  But when does she retire from her burdensome position?  A role she never knew she was applying for when he lured her into his mad world. 


The delusional woman walks around as if the mean-spirited things her man does to her and to others doesn't affect her.  She brags about how she knows her man very well and "we all have problems...and I'm okay, don't worry about me."  Therefore, most who encounter the self-proclaimed optimist don't worry about her.  Why lose sleep over someone who pretends that all is so well in her life?  This is why it is such a surprise when one day the troubled woman suddenly announces she wants out of a relationship and how she can't stand "that man" and what did she ever see in him? 


Awaken from her slumber of blind love, infatuation and lust--all wrapped up in one, the miserable man doesn't look as handsome as he once did to her.  His mean ugly self, both on the inside and out, is grating on her nerves.  The  longer she stays with him, the more unattractive she becomes as well, so she creates a painted mask for her face and wears decorative clothes to hide her anguish.  She knows she drinks, smokes and eats too much, but how else does one shut down that nagging feeling on the inside that reminds her, "You f*cked up picking this loser!  Why do you keep doing this to yourself?" 


Some women starve themselves in rollercoaster relationships.  They spend far too much time worried about men who have a history of cheating, lying, conniving, and more.  They think that love will change these abused boys turned men.  But what these "need to please" women fail to realize is what they view as a "good man" is nothing more smoke and mirrors.


The woman, who suspects that something isn't quite right in her challenging relationship, looks for clues in all the wrong places.  She is determined to get to the bottom of the matter, but only finds what her man wants her to see.  If she is insecure or jealous, she thinks the answers to her wild emotions will be found in his cell phone, lap top, on a piece of paper in a pocket, or a document in a briefcase, but clever men aren't that irresponsible--at least all the time.  So when nothing comes up, the worried woman goes back into her delusional mindset taking comfort in the illusion she has created for her charming husband/partner/lover.  Meanwhile, emotional turmoil just sits dormant until the next heated battle between the couple.  He is sweet with his words on a good day, knows how to look at her in a certain way that melts her heart, that is until life challenges increase.  Where is his busy bee to comfort him?  She is slacking on the job when others need her help.  She isn't such a good woman when she is spending money on those who are needy.  She isn't the nice gal he met when she smiles a little too much at her old friends.  Her man thinks she is bringing problems into the home when she wants relatives to visit.  He complains if she visits others or stays away too long.


Sigh of relief, right?  Wrong!  Back to the emotional playground she goes taking direction from her player, pimp or hustler of a man.  So desperate for his love, affection, and attention, the frazzled woman is back to working real hard on an energy draining relationship built on shaky ground.  Once again, she paints yet another masterpiece of what a good relationship is supposed to look like.  She sits down and talks with the man, sits with a counselor, prays, attends church, and does everything she can in the hopes that the man will change for her.  God warned her awhile back about her choice, but she didn't listen, so she serves her time. 


Appeasing women, like this, have been in emotionally and physically challenging relationships for decades.  When the partner decides to leave the relationship or dies, these women feel like they have been released from jail!  Children and others may never know just how happy the victim truly is being free from a man she spent years trying to please.


From creating boundaries to gifts, the lover who plays servant on most days, just wants to be accepted forever and always in her master's life.  Many women like this, make their men masters over their lives.  Sometimes these women deceive themselves and others into thinking they are in control at home at all times because they talk tough and make relationship rules that they expect their men to follow, but the truth is some only run things for awhile until their men realize what they are up to.


The manipulative husband/partner/lover has learned how to calm the lioness.  He knows where her weak spots are, how he can get her to submit, and what he has to do to make her go back into that place in her mind that tells her, "He's a good guy, you are just overreacting.  You can trust him."  From making her reach an orgasm that weakens her defenses to fighting her with words or sometimes fists, the master will get his praise and respect somehow some way.  The woman might sing her man's praises to a concerned relative who wants nothing but the best for his or her daughter.  The unhappy woman might attend a public event with the controlling man and is expected to behave in a certain way.  She will continue to appease her man and carry out the façade that all is well in her relationship.


A needy, desperate and wishful thinking lady who tries real hard to keep her man around, won't stop at nothing to keep her man from becoming angry with her, so she will do the following:  buy him, lie for him, argue with family about him, cut off friendships, leave a job, kick older children out the home, and let the man pretty much do what he wants. 


The "good" relationship illusion that has dominated a victim's thinking for so long isn't broken until she awakens to a harsh reality.  Sometimes the following happens for some delusional women to wake up:  a death of a close family member, the lost of income, the absence of faith, children who speak truth, an experience in jail as a result of her man's actions, or parents who are ready to murder her poor man.  Unfortunately, something negative has to happen to shake these bound women free!Get mad at God all you want, but so many pray to him and don't want an earthquake to happen, but sometimes that is what it takes for some people.  At times, bad things will happen to shake a brainwashed woman down to her core, so that she can finally walk in peace!


Nicholl McGuire authored Laboring to Love Myself and other books.  

Monday

When the Victim Excuses the Personality Disorder and Believes that Everyone Else is Wrong

The next time you are seated with someone having a discussion about a celebrity, a partner, a relative, or a co-worker, notice how the person talks about those who he or she really likes, but may have some issues with.  If you were to analyze the negative conduct of one's favorite person and mention how they are dealing or not dealing with the issues, what do you think the reaction might be?


Most people who see themselves in others or are being hurt by someone they still love or like, will find ways to excuse the person's disrespectful or shocking behavior.  They will attempt to get you to focus on what good they did, how much money they have, where they live, or who they know so that it lessens the evil that the individual has committed.  The "fan" will defend their favorite person even though they may not like recent activities.  They may say the person being accused is being railroaded, people just don't like him or her, or "they don't know what they are talking about..."  Sometimes these "fans" (who might be delusional victims) will even turn on you for questioning them about their beloved idol, relative, or friend.


In an abusive relationship whether non-verbal, spiritual, emotional or physical, victims who have been with their abusers for long periods of time may falsely present themselves as wanting to break up, move on, get a new job, or do something else.  Their mouths are moving, but the feet have no plans on going anywhere which makes this difficult to help them!  As long they are still a "fan," they are staying with an abuser.  Some simply don't believe that they need any help and that everyone else is to blame for an abuser's temper tantrums, mismanagement of money, substance abuse, and more.  These victims look at the glass half full when it comes to their abusers while talking themselves out of all that is wrong with their dysfunctional relationship.  They refuse to see all of the evil they have been putting up with and how that evil has been affecting them over the course of the relationship.  Family and friends don't like the couple much.  Children are not very happy at home.  Neighbors are weary of the drama.  Relatives are tired of helping them.  The church doesn't even want to bother with the troubled couple.  Victims might know that they are in trouble, but they don't want anyone telling them so.


There are many so-called optimists who comment on personality disorder articles, blogs, and books about people's negative experiences, but rather than discourage people from being in bad relationships, they attempt to downplay the problems.  This is what victims love, they hope for someone or a group to encourage them to stay in a dysfunctional relationship.  "It's not that bad...everyone has problems!  Look at how smart he or she is and all that wealth surely it will be alright in my relationship.  I'm just having a bad day...maybe I'm the problem."


No matter how nice-looking and successful an abuser is and how well he or she tends to treat others on a good day, doesn't make one's personality disorder non-existent.  Also, notice the gullible, who have their personal thoughts on what they believe about certain personality traits not being so bad and aren't good signs of so-called dangerous personality disorders.  Some think that because someone they know isn't that bad that others aren't either.  This is foolish thinking!  When one has noticeable signs that something isn't right with them, take heed.  Learn as much as you can.  Find the necessary help.  But whatever we do, we must not dismiss what we observe as "no big deal."


Victims want everyone else to be wrong, because in dysfunctional relationships, they are often told they are "wrong, useless, dumb, stupid, don't know what they are talking about, often overreact," and more by abusive people.  So they will only repeat what their abusers do to them to others.  Puppets controlled by puppet masters don't have independent thoughts especially when they have been with their masters for years.  They will dismiss what most would find wrong, because they are under their masters' programming.  Don't argue with the abused.  If you are believer, simply pray.  Witnesses of abuse should also call law enforcement if they hear or witness violence.


If you are in an abusive relationship, learn more about why you do the things you do and say the things you say.  Notice how you are enabling your abuser and why some relatives react negatively toward you and your partner.  Take a moment to find out why they behave in the way they do, you just might be surprised.  Avoid the temptation to argue, just listen.


Nicholl McGuire 

Saturday

Blaming it on the Alcohol, the Drugs, an Ex, a Mother--You Made Me Do It!

At home once again on the weekend, expecting to relax after five days of working, a man is seated on the couch drinking and smoking his cares away.  His partner watches the alcohol take effect while the drugs follow, she knows how he behaves when he has had more than enough in his system.  There is no rest for the weary at a place she pays many bills to keep.  Walking on eggshells, she prays her partner says nothing and does nothing to her.  But, he does.  He starts a conversation she doesn't really want to have.  He negatively talks about people she loves and cares for.  He questions what she does with her time when he is away.  He behaves rudely, slams things around, mumbles complaints,  she wonders how long will this last this time? 


There were other scenes like this, too many to count for the victim.  There were those times she ran into her children's room to keep from getting any more tongue lashings and beatings.  Then there was that time when she cried far too many tears to the point that her eyes were red and swollen for a week.  Another time, her heart rapidly beat from fear to the point she felt she was having a heart attack.  She also recalled events when her nerves got the best of her and she moved her bowels frequently and vomited much from stress--so worried about how her abuser would react about something she had done.  She watches the man, who makes excuses for his nasty ways, and she is beginning to hate him.  She can't wait for Monday, days at work are far better than they ever will be at home.


You may know of someone in a similar situation, who resents the weekends, hates happy hours, avoids holiday gatherings while wishing that alcohol ads on television screens would cease.  Those moody men and women, who believe that by using alcohol and drugs to escape their mundane lifestyles, is a cure all are hurting, not only themselves, but loved ones too.  These are selfish acts!  The older a man or woman gets, the faster he or she gets intoxicated, according to health studies.  Yet, it isn't just the alcohol or drugs a man or woman will blame for all of his or her personal drama, but the blame might also be put upon an ex, a demanding job, a controlling mother, or anyone or anything else for one's self destructive behaviors.  It is easy to blame others than to get help.


In the example, the woman is worried, stressed, and may even be contemplating making a lifestyle change, but is hesitant.  More concerned about the inconvenience it might cause her and others if she leaves the belligerent man, she reasons that he will be okay and so will she.  "The last time he was worse...it will be alright once he falls asleep," the victim tells herself.  But a hoarse voice from yelling, body aches from fighting, frequent stomach aches, and more are her reminders, do something or else.


Reasoning with anyone about issues they refuse to fix is fruitless!  Instead, one will feel like he or she is on a roller coaster ride that never stops.  Everyday is different when it comes to angry men and women.  You never know what might set them off to drink, smoke, or hurt someone.  To stay in a relationship with hot-tempered people is risky.  Despite many people in our world drinking or using drugs, it doesn't make the behavior right or beneficial.  Many families suffer behind people who claim they can hold their liquor.  But the reality is that one who doesn't have a sober mind will impact others.  They will forget to do things, lie, cheat, claim to be responsible, make excuses for bad behavior, and more.  The alcohol and drugs, the ex, and a person's mother are not to blame, but the person using and abusing them is!  An ex became an ex for good reason.  The mother had her own share of issues and the son or daughter chose to keep enabling her.  No matter the reason why an abuser feels the need to turn back a bottle or light a stick, the reality is he or she is ultimately responsible for what those items will do to him or her!


To those in these situations, avoid the blame game.  Ask yourself, "Do I really want to keep putting up with this behavior?"  Then start working to make some significant changes in your life!  Life is too short!  Do something healthy and productive while there still is time.


Nicholl McGuire wrote Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself.   She shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.






  

Thursday

Is the Need to Be with a Man Worth Being Abused?

Every man has spoken as well as unspoken criteria when it comes to being in a relationship with him whether he chooses to admit it or not.  The same holds true for women. What is in the rule book, so to speak, is often vague, misleading, hurtful, or downright immoral.  A man will show you his playbook by the way he talks to you, what he does and doesn't do for you. 


A woman who is captivated by a man's outer appearance may be introduced to his do and don't list subtly at first, and will quickly skim over it or throw it out as if it doesn't exist.  But then in time, the man will be quite bold in what he wants and how he wants it.  When asked whether she saw the signs, read his playbook so to speak, she might reason, "I know what it said, but I really didn't think all the rules applied to me, because I did this for him...I'm not like his ex...I consider myself to be a good catch.  I just don't know why he treats me like this!" 


The victim may have had some idea about the man she got herself hooked up with, but it doesn't matter to a man with a personality disorder, anger issues, or some underlying causes for why he mistreats you and others what she has done or will do for him.  One should take a crazed man's controlling ways personal and not disassociate from his abusive ways by pretending as if they don't exist, blaming others' for his faults, and other delusional behaviors.  As the relationship gets older and one is weary from all the drama, the day will come when you will ask yourself (if you haven't already), "Do I really need a man this badly that I am willing to put up with his mess for now until...?"


Some women reading this wouldn't consider themselves abused since they have food, clothing, car, a home, and more that has been acquired as a result of a man directly or indirectly helping them.  These ladies will reason that their things are important and will not give them up even if they are emotionally drained and physically exhausted of their manipulative and controlling men.  But the trade off is they will lose their souls connecting or reconnecting with an abusive man.  What tends to happen in these emotionally or physically abusive relationships is the victim will compromise personal beliefs, a relationship with her Creator, lie, steal, cheat, and do more for herself and her troubled man.  She may even be willing to take a bullet for him depending on how brainwashed she is.  A victim doesn't usually see she is being abused until she looks back on her life and notices the following things:


1.  She has severed most family and friendships by blaming others for the disconnect when in all actuality her partner has isolated her from them.


2.  She will realize that the jobs she has selected were based on what her partner said, did or his schedule, but not her personal preference.


3.  She will find that she has had children in the hopes that the relationship will get better and the man will treat her lovingly.  Instead, he either treats the children better than her or acts angrily toward the whole family while finding pleasures elsewhere.


4.  She notices that she has financially assisted him with little reward i.e.) saving him money, working long hours, giving him part of her paycheck, and buying him gifts.    But when she needs something, she has to fuss, fight or seduce her mate into getting her needs met while he spends his money any way he so desires.


5.  She finds he has been in control of where she goes, who she sees, and has hindered her progress in getting a driver's license or keeping one.  He may not let her drive his car when she needs one.


6.  She observes her children and is annoyed (even angry) that they are treating her in the way their father has been acting toward her.  For instance, they name-call, lie, swear, or physically fight her.


7.  She is saddened that she has permitted her intimate partner for so long to take advantage of her, rather than leave him.  This was mainly because she didn't want to be without a man and was fearful of what others might think since she had bad relationships in the past.


These are examples, there are others that one in an abusive relationship will realize and may motivate her to do some things differently.  When a victim finally comes to terms with the extent she will go just to have a man or the father of her children in her life, it can be quite disturbing.  She may cry, get angry, destroy stuff around her, yell, and more, but when she has calmed down, she will be stronger and will want to do something that will bring on immediate change! 


Some women have went to jail or have been buried six feet deep as a result of keeping a toxic man in their lives.  They have ignored all sound advice and strayed into unknown territories while giving so much of who they are to chase after men.  For example, they will turn into abusers and pay their men back, stalk them, harass them or their lovers, run up credit card bills in an attempt to buy their men's love, and more.  They have also did self-destructive things in an effort to try to get a man's attention.  From threatening suicide to destroying a man's property to get their unfaithful men to be with them.


These women, who disgrace themselves, have cut themselves off of potential healthy relationships because their husband/lover/friend has done things to get these women to stay loyal to them.  Misery loves company and some women stay mentally and physically sick keeping a miserable man company.


I challenge those of you, who can relate to this article, to start now thinking of ways to cut off a toxic marriage, relationship or friends with benefits sort of arrangement.  You have told yourself long enough things will get better and they are not.  You have reasoned that you deserved to be punished for one thing or another and no matter what you do, it is never good enough for your man.  You have talked to a stubborn, difficult, impatient, or angry partner about his evil ways many times and what usually happens?  He is okay for awhile and then he ends up mistreating you yet again!  Find freedom in your storm, here's how:


1.  Positive self-talk everyday.  When an ugly thought or voice comes into your mind, shut it down with kind words about yourself, talk of your capabilities and what you hope to accomplish.


2.  Create a list of what you would be doing had you not made this bad choice for a partner.  Hide the list from prying eyes.  This list will serve as your motivation for breaking free!  Start researching the things on the list and how you will make each happen.  Note one thing a day you should do and stick to doing each thing.


3.  Consult with a trusted loved one and a professional about what you have realized about yourself and your bad relationships as well as what you hope to accomplish.  Your confidantes may know of certain people, places and groups that can benefit you.


4.  Conduct research online about your specific situation and how to cope until you can get your exit plan together.


5.  Know that whatever you do is going to cost money, so save, invest, and withdraw what you can to do the following:  Get your own place, get to work, register children for daycare, secure the service of a babysitter (if needed), get a moving truck, arrange for storage (if living with someone else), visit a church (sowing a seed in a ministry that helps others will bless you), and any other additional moving costs.  Sell and giveaway items gradually.  Take the money you obtain and put it toward needed expenses not toward bills you two share.  You can deal with those shared expenses once you are o your feet.  Pack what you really value and store these items away from the home just in case you are unable to get back there in the future ie.) collectibles, photographs, computer related items, jewelry, family heirlooms, etc.


6.  Talk with law enforcement if you feel your life is being threatened, if he has a gun, or if you feel like you might do something to him if he should attempt to stop you from moving.  The police department can arrange to have someone be present just in case he shows up unexpectedly or is in the home while you are trying to move your things out.


Know that despite all you have been through, you will come out alive if you are wise and cautious.  You will survive whether you have been with him one year or 20 plus years!  Your children will do much better without two parents arguing and fighting.  Many of your relatives, co-workers and strangers haven't been what you have been through, so ignore the criticism, self-righteous behavior and snide remarks.  Keep moving!  Remind yourself if you must live with someone else, it's temporary.  If there was anything that you learned from being mistreated by someone is how you would want to be treated.  So respect those around you, be polite and generous when you can, and your heavenly Father will bless you for it! 


Life is just beginning for many of you in these unproductive and emotionally challenging relationships and it started when you admitted you made some bad choices, now work toward making good ones!  It is never too late!


Nicholl McGuire, author of When Mothers Cry, see blog here.  You can purchase Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself, see images and links in the sidebar.

Wednesday

Couple Arguing in Public, Woman Throws First Blow, Watch How These Two Cause Chaos








The subway rider (woman in red jacket) is pregnant in pain, she says.  Her boyfriend is saying some things to her that gets her emotionally charged, she says things back that make him angry.  He is in her face, she hits him.  This was the first blow in public view.  He is upset, puts his hands on her.  The crowd reacts to the man, but did nothing when the woman hit him first.  When things are calm, they are back to disputing again.  This time the woman slaps the man, crowd unresponsive.  No one comes over to the woman and tells her anything or restrains her.  When the boyfriend attempts to pay her back, it isn't long before he is locked up with a bystander.  One of the witnesses say something like, "You should have walked away..." to the man.  If the police had arrived, and if everyone would have been honest about the fight, the couple would have been taken to jail.
 




Lesson to be learned, don't fight at all especially in public!  Don't even date or have sex with a hot-tempered man or woman.  And if you are, stop!  Things only get worse particularly when hormones are raging due to pregnancy.  Don't expect witnesses to help or side with you either.  What was typical about this situation, the victim attempts to defend the abuser.  Keep in mind, if you should jump in a fight, be sure someone is watching the victim, otherwise, he or she might fight you too.  Victims are psychologically messed up due to being abused and controlled for so long, so they learn to protect their abusers and do what they want if their abusers are attacked--they act similar to guard dogs. 

Domestic violence: Wife beater caught on tape punching woman gets attack...


God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

Gadget

This content is not yet available over encrypted connections.

You might also like:

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...

VideoBar

This content is not yet available over encrypted connections.