Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

You hope, wish and pray for a better year now that the number on the calendar has changed, but those of us who have been in abusive relationships know better.  Things don't change just because a year has changed.  If anything, a toxic connection only worsens.  The words become more vicious, the trials more difficult, and the emotional and physical bondage only tightens as the years of abuse increase in number!  It must be nice talking one's self into believing a relationship is getting better, but the truth is the abuser's temperament is simply put on ice for now...cooled off due to the holiday glee until the next issue comes up.  Victims and abusers make a lot of promises.  They sugar-coat their difficult relationship with trips, treats, and deceit.  Deep inside the couples know they are not going to change.  The angry man or woman will be doing more of the same in the new year and the victim will continue to go along just to get al...

Family and friends most likely will be wanting to see loved ones around the holidays.  Abusers will be sure to talk with victims on what is to be said and not said at a holiday event to relatives and whether or not they will even be permitted to leave the house.  For some mean-spirited men and women they will look for plenty of reasons for their spouses and partners not to see or talk to kinfolk like picking a fight prior to attending a family celebration.  Since this is impossible with some victims to avoid family, they will attempt to put on a good act and so too will their abusive partners.  Families must be discerning and pay close attention to abusive behaviors and address issues.  However, take care that the victim and possibly children are safe before confronting an abuser.  Keep in mind a victim will most likely want to return home with his or her partner after a holiday event and depending on how things goes with the family will determine ...

As one goes about his or her day being treated nicely by one's abusive partner (yet again), keep in mind the behavior is temporal.  The niceties during the honeymoon phase don't mean that a dysfunctional relationship is any better than it was when a partner screamed a week, month or sin months ago, "I want out of this relationship!  I hate you!  I really wish you would leave me alone!"  The monster within is just sitting quietly for now because nothing is occurring to set him or her off.  However, give it some time and irritations will be projected on someone else if not you. Sex is the great motivator to be on one's best behavior, but it doesn't secure relationships.  A cheating man can have sex with his troubled wife in the morning, flirt with a few ladies while walking by, meet up with his hot girlfriend by afternoon, watch porn during a break at work, then tease his wife again before midnight for more sex, roll over...

When many people raise hell for more money, power, fame, curses on enemies, etc. the negative energy comes by like a wind, causing much trouble in relationships and elsewhere.  Take a moment of silence for those who were sacrificed in October due to occult holiday celebrations.  Now take the time to think about yourself, how much sacrificing have you done already with time, money, and more just to make an emotionally and/or physically abusive partner happy? Running around like a chicken with its head cut off, a woman or man who just wants to live a dream in an unhappy relationship will keep pressing forward anyway all the while creating more debt, responsibility (like pregnancy), making more investments, and carrying the whole family down a dark, destructive path.   Too stubborn, prideful, and angry within to admit, "I was wrong.  This partner wasn't what I had in mind.  I apologize Lord for not listening..." The poor woman or man keeps making more work for ...

In a large living-room seated in front of a large screen are men, a few women and some children scattered about.  They are all watching the biggest game of the year.  In the kitchen, the drinks are pouring, the food is cooking, and the noise in each room is loud.  A woman with a head and backache makes her exit from the kitchen, she cries in a nearby bathroom.  The night before her husband kicked her and that morning he hit her in the head with a shoe.  He has been acting very tensed lately, the gambler has numerous bets on his team.  The men and women in the living-room are family and mutual friends, they don't have a clue about the victim's plight.  To them, she appears to be in a good relationship with that public sweet-talker, closet abuser. Most victims of emotional and physical abuse have learned how to play their roles when it comes to events like the Super Bowl.  This is another hol...

Mean-spirited, vindictive, or thoughtless relatives and friends can add to the drama in a household comprised of victim, abuser and children by simply saying or doing too much.  To get out of a challenging relationship requires planning, finances, and patience.  But when a victim either has no support system or far too many people who want to help or could care less about safety, he or she may have to deal with more violence until his or her broken self can safely exit the relationship. Some of the issues that tend to arise deal with anything from what might have been said at a family event to how the victim behaved.  The abuser pays attention to many things concerning his or her partner and if the individual acted in ways that the moody man or woman didn't like, most likely there will be disputing and/or fighting. Most victims don't bother to say much at a family event because they don't want to have to deal with the additional drama from a watchful part...

For many victims who are able to get around their family during the holidays , it is a nice relief from the stresses of being with an abuser.  There is much to talk about, but the abused doesn't typically share.  One must examine a face closely, view a neck, or look at hands and arms to determine if there has been any recent or past beatings.  You might happen to notice bruises or scratches if the individual changes a shirt or removes a pair of pants behind closed doors.  But revealing what you know and sharing it with others, during a holiday celebration, is not the wisest move not for the victim , the abuser or the witness. Trust in relatives and friends must be established before a victim can feel comfortable enough to share the details of old wounds, bruises, and scars.  To jump to conclusions or to run out of a room all-too-ready to beat up the batterer may cause more problems including a ride downtown.  If the victim isn't rea...