Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

  Inspirational speaker and author Nicholl McGuire shares personal insight and important signs when you are being emotionally abused or someone that you know.  She lost her abused relative on July 2020 to a violent boyfriend who then turned the gun on his self.

Ever been frustrated when attempting to communicate your concerns to a partner?   He or she shrugs, fakes interest, or responds in a tone that brings out the worse in you.   Meanwhile, children couldn’t care less that the dispute was instigated by what they said or didn’t do.   No one heard the instruction, caution, or anger spewing out of your voice attempting to keep something from occurring days or even weeks prior.   The day goes on.   Mom is the crazy one and everyone else is sane. When your family doesn’t hear you, there are times where you have to be like an annoying fly until they do.   Of course, they will want to do what they can to make you go away, but persistent moms get the job done.   Whether they post reminders all over the house, call twice a day plus send texts checking in on their troubled children, or stand in the living room with a bullhorn to get everyone to stop fighting, Mom knows that some activities require undivided attention.   She may have to take child

On this blog we discussed the emotional abuser, he or she is uncaring about one's partner's feelings.  However, I will share a bit more about the type of cold-blooded individual who has all three traits: emotionless, secretive and dishonest. You don't suspect this person to be this way when you first start getting to know him or her.  You overlook him or her being stiff or a bore at first because your date is seemingly interested in getting to know you.  However once the thrill is gone, so too is the personality! What you might respond or react to almost consistently the emotionless has no response unless you try to coax a conversation such as: "What do you think?  How do you feel about that?"  Any "normal" person would have at least a comment or a chuckle.  There is nothing coming from this person, you walk away and scratch your head. There is a mystery, something magical, at least so you thought at first about the emotionless person, who y

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It is about an image of perfection--appearing like all is well when it really isn't.  I get it.  I did it. You smile.  His relatives ask, "How's things?  You look good.  Glad to see you!  You both look so good together!"  If only they knew.  I saw this happen more than enough times in my life with different men (sigh). They don't have a clue what you went through the night before or weeks prior.  Their beloved son or daughter acting like a complete fool!  Screaming, hurling insults, acting threatening...you contemplated on calling the police.  "What has gotten into this crazy S.O.B.!" you think.  Your emotionally abusive partner may have thought the same about you too. Difficult people will tempt you to do some things that you thought you would never do.  They are hateful at times and harmful to themselves and others.  Sometimes it is a mental disturbance that drives them mad and other times its them feeling powerless .  Abusive men and women thriv

They don't think that they do, but they do.  People will idolize one another as well as things.  They love, worship, kill, steal, destroy, and more for partners.  Witnesses stand by and see the destruction.  They call them out on their foolishness.  But idol worshippers keep right on doing what they do. The presence of idol worship is in an abusive relationship .  Simply put, the abuser and victim put one another on a pedestal.  They think much about one another--too much!  Thoughts stream into their minds frequently about everything from what the other is doing to how he or she feels about him/her.  The thoughts play out like a roller coaster ride, a merry go round or a swing.  It is all fun, positive, sweet or nice until someone gets hurt again and again. "I miss you...I can't get enough of you.  When will we see each other again?  I want you forever..."  Sounds so wonderful, doesn't it? At least in the beginning of the dysfunctional courtship  all appea

In my previous posting I shared a video of a 30 year abuser and there was much insightful information in that creatively done video.  But the thought came to mind after watching it, "Imagine how the woman felt or women that tried to stick it out with this guy...these ladies who thought that their efforts could change him."  As I've said before on this blog, isn't that what many people think when they enter into new relationships or remain in bad ones?  Ladies and gentlemen: You can't change emotional abusers and physically violent men and women.  They have got to want to change and usually without their enablers and victims by their sides. The newness wears off, the good times don't remain, the promises fall by the way-side, and the pain doesn't stay gone in poor marriages and relationships.  All the issues just linger on.  I remember feeling so frustrated in an emotionally abusive relationship (cheating, lying, arguing, secrets, etc.) to the point th

Before you met that man you call your boyfriend, lover, partner, or husband, you had a simple life.  You could manage it.  There wasn't much happening and you actually smiled more than frowned.  But these days, it becomes increasingly challenging to smile, laugh at his jokes, or even be in the same room with him.  For some of you, you feel like a part of you is a tad bit crazy, insane, or a bit weird since meeting your partner.  You're not alone.  Do you find yourself doing any of the following? 1.  Worried much about things like: whether he is telling you the truth or not, seeing someone else, or doing something he knows you don't like.  He is often quiet, beating around the bush when you confront him, ignores you, argues, or jokes. 2.  Looking through his things while your stomach and head aches. You are concerned about what more you might find. 3.  Thinking far too much about what he does when you aren't around him.  You hope to catch him in yet another lie.

Fearful of unleashing his emotions on the person who caused him so much pain, he takes his issues out on you--the woman who loves him.  He is angry at a single man or a group.  He ignores, yells, complains, and acts as if it is your fault that he has failed yet again in his decision-making.  You show him the truth about himself, and he hates you for it.  He smiles at everyone else, but you.  He talks at length with everyone else, but you.  He acts interested in everyone else, but you.  This is a different kind of abuse, an emotional kind that if experienced for any length of time can prematurely age you and drive you mad if you let it. What woman wants to stay in a relationship with a miserable man who acts in threatening ways?  A man who doesn't respond unless confronted about his actions and then when he is told about them, he uses reverse psychology.  He refuses to hold himself accountable for his lackluster personality when it comes to his mate and children.  He doesn'