Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

On Moving.... Apartment Shopping, Leasing, Rental Tips: Helpful List of What You Don't Need the Next Time ... : What you don't need is another headache, backache, and a pending heart attack when you look at all the stuff you have to move and that m...

Sometimes people reach out to others wanting to know, "Should I just leave?"  Of course you should if someone is abusing you or you simply feel like you can't go on with that person.  But we advisers aren't in the hurting person's shoes.  The one who can best answer that question is the one who has to live in that household each and everyday with that toxic guy or gal.  If you are offended when someone "tells it like it is" then you most likely aren't ready to leave.  Some victims simply can't handle the fact that they made a lousy choice when they married, had sex, or had a baby with a partner.  So as long as you are defending, denying, and blaming, you won't leave--you are there to stay.  Sometimes the abused isn't who or what you think. For years, I have posted my personal experiences and opinion about abusive relationships and for years people have come to this site and blindly scrolled through the entries pretending as if my bo

We saw recently what one can do when a handgun is in the wrong hands.  In the San Bernardino shooting  involving an abusive husband and his estranged wife, media reports say he was at the school to drop something off to the school teacher, but what he was really there for was to kill her and himself.  Unfortunately, two children were caught in the crossfire of domestic violence. What goes on at home, especially if the relationship is turbulent, doesn't stay there.   Tell your business it just might save a life! When one has a troubled mind the issues eventually show up and impact others--innocent children, relatives, law enforcement, paramedics, etc.  The husband had a criminal history in the San Bernardino shooting, an obvious red flag for the woman who married him, but she dismissed it. From desperation to be in a relationship to needing help with the bills and/or children, many needy women drive themselves into relationships with abusive men--there is a good reason w

There is no warning, argument, or fight just before a partner leaves. An emotionally and/or physically abused individual need not do anything more than exit a miserable relationship. What does talking over details solve? What does bringing up every hurtful thing the abusive partner has ever said or done to you really do for your spirit? There is peace just outside the door. I recall pondering a long time on whether to leave my abusive boyfriend's apartment. I looked over my things that sat on one side of the room, a word processor, clothing, dress shoes, a couple bags and assorted belongings that were better left at my parent's home. There was enough of my stuff I left over between overnight stays to fill the backseat of a car. All I had to do was just call someone to pick me up, put my things in his/her vehicle and be on my way to FREEDOM!!!  But I didn't--those stupid thoughts showed up. The same ones that for so long convinced me that he would change, th

So you have established the fact that a partner is mentally or physically damaging to your health, wealth, and other areas of your life.  Now what? 1.  How safe do you feel in this difficult relationship at least for the time being? If you feel like an abusive partner is just waiting for any opportunity to strike again whether verbally or physically and you know full well you are going to go off like a maniac, then it is safe to say, you need to do what you can to end this relationship soon rather than later. 2.  Who do you know or could contact to help you send a partner packing or assist you out the door? If you have no one to help you get away from your abuser, there are resources (scroll to the bottom of blog) to help guide you from an escape plan to filing for a divorce.  One of the first things you will need to do is find a place away from the abuser (be sure you don't tell the batterer nothing about your whereabouts seek additional counseling especially when childre