Thursday

Mind Tricks, Mind Games - The Abusive Magician Waves His Wand

"Debonair, easy-going, friendly, charismatic, a pillar of the community, nice, successful, handsome, gorgeous..." these are just some of the words victims use to describe their former abusive partners.  Even after one hears their stories of pain, manipulation, cheating, lies and more, one look at these abusive people, and the listener is captivated with them too.  Abusive, attractive, yet downright evil people have tricks up their sleeves like magicians performing magic acts, they pride themselves on knowing they have led you into believing something once again that is untrue.

What sort of mind game did your manipulator play on you this time?  Was it a made up story about where he really went and who he saw while there?  Maybe it was a false promise that he or she had used for so long to keep your interest.  How about your favorite entertainment or a gift used to distract you to keep you from searching for evidence that you have been fooled yet again?  So a victim goes along with the programming.  He or she convinces his or herself that a partner or spouse wouldn't lie again, wouldn't go back to that place, visit a lover another time, hit, kick, or curse again.  "No, he wouldn't...She would never..."  But the abuser does.  Now what?

Most victims grow weary of the fight and simply settle.  "Boys will be boys," she reasons.  "Well, I did do some things to hurt her, so I guess I deserve this," a husband says.  Children look on in disbelief, "Not another fight, mommy promised.  Daddy said he wouldn't do that again."  Family members are concerned.  A victim says, "It is what it is."  But does it have to be?

Nicholl McGuire author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Laboring to Love Myself, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, and She's Crazy.

Tuesday

Get Me Out - When the Victim No Longer Wants to Stay

The day that you make up in your mind that you will no longer put up with an emotionally or physically abusive partner, is the day that you are headed toward peace of mind.

You are now ready to focus on your future without the controlling individual dominating every aspect of your mind.  It can be challenging to plan for the day you are officially free from an abuser, but you can do it!  Encourage yourself!  Take baby steps toward independence and don't allow anyone or anything to discourage you in your quest to break free from toxic programming.

Survivors, who were once victims, recognized just how brainwashed they were in their past miserable relationships of power and control.  Abusers bully their victims.  They make promises sometimes keeping them, other times breaking them.  They dominate their lives with their demands.  The longer you stay, the more they keep you under their thumb.

Expecting someone or a group to rescue you from the clutches of an abusive person just might not come because most people will assume you have enough sense to walk out the door.  You can pray, talk with others, orchestrate an exit plan, but if your feet aren't walking, you are there to stay.  For many victims, they never make it out alive.

When a victim is serious about moving on with his or her life, he or she makes an effort to leave. Victims who have finally awakened no longer make excuses for the abuse they incur.  They are no longer weak to their abusers' charm or fearful of upsetting them.  They know they can no longer put up with their mean partners, so they make up in their minds to leave.

You might be that one in a toxic relationship.  You may need to protect children or you already sent them away, now it is time to prepare to get the abuser out of your dwelling or you leave until you have the support system to push him or her out.

Whatever you choose to do or whenever, just know that you can win!  You can be free of the controlling partner if you are willing to let go--activate your faith this day and let God!

Nicholl McGuire
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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