Wednesday

Sexual Fetishes Turn Violent with Abuser - Personal Experience

The sexual encounters filled with psychological manipulation, pain, and control might look glamorous in movies, fun for some, and overall just cool to fantasize about.  However, for abusive men and women, they often take things too far!  I revisited that time in my life where I was in college and enjoyed meeting new people.  I recalled meeting the older gentleman with an articulate speaking voice and appeared to be quite kind.  He was handsome but deadly.  The "nice" man had a dark side.  The more time I spent with him, the more he lured my mind then my body and months later my spirit.  He had broken me.  His sexual fantasies intensified and in some twisted way, I remember caught up in a roller coaster ride of break up to make up until he proposed on Valentine's Day.

His web of destruction was alluring, not demented or crazy.  Things didn't get strange until his requests for me to do more and more for him began to take their toll.  One request was after a heavy make-out session, he wanted me to act like I was being raped by him.  This roleplay session would involve heavy tears, fighting him, and allowing him to rip my clothes.  Although I thought it was odd that he wanted that, I had been sucked in by his charm and reasoned, "We are just acting."  But things grew intense and I wanted "the act" to come to an end.  Of course, resistance was part of the turn-on, so rather than fight, I faked laughter and laid motionless on the bed.  He realized that I wasn't a willing participant and backed off.  Yet, that passive rejection would later invoke an argument and he would end up shoving me.  Of course, not admitting to his disappointment in me, but blaming me for other things.

There were other requests from the abuser including wanting another woman in the bed which I didn't agree to.  Yet, entertained the thoughts and checked out some potentials, but I couldn't go through with it.  He had a porn collection and thought that might get me in the mood to fulfill his will, but it didn't.  Once again, I was an unwilling participant and he was going to make me pay sooner or later.  He would never connect his frustration with me rejecting his ideas with why he was tripping me with his feet when I walked by, cursing me for no apparent reason, name-calling or hitting me.

Abusive men and women are like selfish children who don't get their way, they pout, complain, nit-pick, refuse to talk, scream and of course fight.  They verbally and physically abuse and refuse to be held accountable for their actions because "You made me do it!"

Looking back, had I been the willing participant, what would I had been left with mentally, physically and spiritually?  I would have had, even more, wounds to heal from after coming out of that disturbing relationship.  There would have been no awareness blogs like this, no inspirational and spiritual audio to help others, no nonfiction books, no self-esteem...NOTHING! 

There are so many among us who don't believe that their giving into the pressure and pleasure of others is doing any harm to their selves mentally and so on, but it is!  For every yes, that you really don't mean, you are allowing feelings of resentment, bitterness, hatred and more to build up in your heart. You convince yourself that you are "okay" and "alright," but you are not. 

I recall a couple dark and painful sexual experiences that I did agree to, and to be frank, they hurt me not only mentally, but physically too for the rest of my life--you read correctly the rest of my life!  I made decisions based on what my abuser said but not what I truly felt inside.  Those decisions negatively impacted my body for a lifetime.  No one is worth any kind of sexual fetish that clearly goes against the Bible--no one! 

Days following, the abusive man I had been involved with acted as if nothing happened--life went on.  He didn't share anything I needed to know about his personal history like sexual encounters and why he had the kind of desires that he did.  My abuser didn't even speak of what we did to me (which I can't get into detail--sorry).  I didn't get any special brownie points with him for finally being his willing participant.  If anything, my abuser thought about what more I could potentially do for him in the future.  Mind you, I did nothing with him for money, fame or fortune, I just loved him more than most, I guess.  However, my guard went back up concerning his sexual requests after noticing that saying yes meant nothing to him.  A portal of greed, deception, corruption and more is open when you agree to do things that you innately know are simply wrong even when it comes to sex.

Think about the future, your future with that one who wants more and more from you.  I learned that sexual fetishes can grow into far more than you realize and affect other areas of your life that you think you are in control of.  One can easily turn over control of his or her life to the abusive one without realizing it and what better way when you are vulnerable during sexual moments. 

Are you willing to sell your soul to the devil for your abuser?  Abusive men or women are some of Satan's darkest troops they feed off of your willingness to do just about anything for love and try anything for attention.  Far too many victims have fallen down that rabbit hole of evil and never got out! Not only that, they have given up every orifice of their bodies to appease someone/something that is never satisfied.  Just say "no" and mean it next time.

Nicholl McGuire is the manager of this blog and others.
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

Gadget

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