The Know-it- All Victim - She Knows Everything, But Does Nothing

We have all been there and done that, thought we knew everything about everyone in our circle and so we defended them.  We fought long, hard, and ended up looking quite stupid in the end!  Women, who are victims of abusive men, don't want to believe the truth and don't want you handing them any mirrors either!

The know-it-all victim fights with mom, her best friend, and even her children about her no-good husband or boyfriend.  "But I love what!  I know already..." she says to those who really wish she would go on and get a life away from her miserable partner.  Yet she insists, "Things will get better...and you don't know him like I do." 

Victims brag about the things they claim to know already.  Like the time(s) a partner cheated, lied, abused, used, and did other things.  They have advice for everyone else, but can't figure out how to have any personal peace.  Living with and sexing an abusive man (or woman) will drive you crazy!  You think you are stable, smart, sexy, and sweet, but what the world really sees is a stupid, sassy, sour, sulking lady who acts as if she knows much when the truth is she knows very little when it comes to having a quality relationship that satisfies her. 

Remember these know-it-all victims messed up early on when they got involved with a jealous, controlling, or miserable man or woman.  They refused to see the signs that the person was difficult, weird, or has some kind of mental illness.  The know-it-all victim believes she can get out of the relationship, but her feet do nothing but stay put.  She feeds off of the pain of others to help her feel good about herself.  "At least my relationship isn't as bad as her's or his," the victim thinks.  The truth is the victim's situation is much worse, because she or he is self-deceived.

You may have encountered someone like this or you are currently that person.  You might feel like you can't manage your situation or someone else's or maybe you have some things in control, but not other things.  Whatever you are feeling right now, just know that you won't get very far with someone who believes he or she is right about everything.  Prideful people are the most difficult to communicate with, cohabitate, and love.

We don't know it all as survivors, but what we do know is that person we used to be!  Break free from toxic relationships!  See Psalm 91 for those interested in spiritual uplift.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of this blog and many books.  Check out a YouTube Channel that encourages listeners to move on with their lives by trusting in one's Creator.


So You are Defending Your Emotional or Physical Abuser? We Don't Trust You

Why did six police officers show up when the call came through from a neighbor that I needed help and that my abuser was trying to kill me?  For over two decades, I said nothing about this small detail, the reason was simple, those officers didn't know who or what was really behind our apartment door prior to entering. 

They didn't know if I would attempt to attack them for apprehending him.  They didn't know if a gun, knife or anything else was being used in our fighting.  In my case, it was a hot iron.  They had no clue whether I or he would go off on everyone answering that call.  They just didn't know. The paramedics showed up too and they were very watchful and quick to remove me out of the scene.

Some of you, those who are still being emotionally and/or physically abused, might talk about how you don't like a lot about a partner with relatives and friends from the way he or she talks to you to how aggressive the individual is with you.  But if you saw your partner being put on his or her back by officers or your loved ones beating him or her up, you might be tempted to want to defend him or her.  You are untrustworthy.  You are unstable.  And no, they don't believe what you say like how much you hate him or her today and then love that person the next.  Did you catch that? 

You might talk about how you are going to leave, but you haven't yet.  Your mind, heart and feet are still planted with your controller.  You may have boasted about how you have this and that going for you like material wealth and other things, but you are still with someone who disrespects you and feeds off of making you do what he or she asks or demands. 

Your actions and inactions in the relationship tell those that would like to help you that you don't have your personal life together.  They just might be wishy-washy or slow about reaching out to you, because they don't have a clue what your next move might be concerning your roller coaster ride relationship. 

From employers to strangers on the street, most people don't take any chances with their safety with victims of dating or domestic violence.  They know victims have been manipulated and sometimes they tend to manipulate.  If you are in a relationship like this, you most likely already used some emotional games on others to try to control them.  You may have went around the power and control wheel with your loved ones not realizing that is what you are doing.

So before you get angry and stay angry with loved ones and friends realize they are on the outside looking in.  Picture this, they are free and you are still in a cage with someone who might claim to love you, but we aren't convinced.

Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and shares relationship tips and other spiritually related counsel on YouTube Channel NM Enterprise 7.


Don't Deny the Trials - Abuse is Just What it Is

They make excuses for it.  They lie about it.  They say it won't happen again.  They tell family and friends it isn't what you think.  Abuse.  Victims come in many different colors, social classes, and more.  They don't want to believe they are being emotionally and physically beaten with or without words, hands, and other things.

"What?  I don't know what you are talking about!  I am fine.  Leave me alone.  I have dealt with this for a long time.  I know how to handle him..." the victim defends her sickness.  In love with a man who plays mind games, makes false promises, isolates her, cheats, steals, lies, and tells her how bad she is when he feels down.

Don't deny the trials you are in or have been going through for quite some time.  You might live with them for now, but you are to grow from them.  Your eyes are focused on freedom, not bondage.  The survivors know this all too well.  True survivors don't go back, they don't say things like, "We," they say, "I" and they definitely stop hoping that one day things will get better. 

Victims are still focused on "We" even when the abuser says, "I" and "me."  Victims make excuses for incompatible partners, lie about their relationships, cover up their pain, complain often, bad mouth about others, find faults in messengers, hate their lives, and are often scared or nervous especially around their abusers.  They lean on everything from cigarettes to food to comfort them. 

Pretenders (false survivors) don't want to believe that anything is wrong with them or their relationships.  Take for instance, a victim rubs her sore back after being repeatedly kicked and says, "It's okay, he was drunk."  A battered man puts a cold compress on his eye.  "I'm okay, she was just in one of her moods."  These are people walking around with a mental illness.  The sickness they have is their partners.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.  These nonfiction eBooks are available on Smashwords.
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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