Sunday

Men, Are You in a Codependent Relationship With a Needy, Controlling, Or Emotionally Volatile Woman?

What is codependency?

I've known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend's flaws. They often don't realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist.

These men are often stuck in codependent relationships. The term "codependent" is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side. However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval.

Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He'd either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relationship, on the other hand, end up pursuing an endless pattern of trying to please their partner, and feeling frustrated when their desire for freedom conflicts with their partners need for rigid conformity to her needy patterns of behavior.

All relationships should have plenty of mutual acceptance, space to be alone, time with friends (of both genders), and respect. Often, codependent relationships are lacking these things.

There are two dynamics going on in such relationships:

1) Her issues (often revolving around low self-esteem) prompt her to be controlling, jealous and overly sensitive .

2) Your issues (often involving shame and the desire to please) prompt you to stay in an unhealthy relationship -- despite the stress and dissatisfaction -- for fear of disappointing her.

Are you in a Codependent Relationship?

If you're in a codependent relationship with a controlling or needy woman, you might find that the relationship is especially restrictive. Some common traits of these relationships include:

You have to always let her know where you are

When you're out, you have to speak on the phone multiple times a day

You are discouraged from keeping female friends

She takes an active dislike of some of your friends and/or family, and feels offended that you would have them as part of your life

She attempts to control your internet usage, or monitors your email and other online communications (Facebook, etc.)

She shows excessive jealousy

She has difficulty letting petty issues go, and instead insists that you both talk about them at length

She mistrusts you and casts a suspicious eye, even if you've done nothing wrong

She's often critical of your behavior

You find yourself often "walking on eggshells" around her
Your friends tell you that you shouldn't put up with her, but you feel the need to stay

You can't speak your mind because you're too afraid of how she'll react
You've considered breaking up for a long time, but you don't want to break her heart
You feel that she may not be able to live without you, or you've tried to break up and she threatened drastic action (quitting her job, hurting herself, etc.)

These are just a few possible indicators of a codependent relationship, and by no means is an exhaustive list.

What's Wrong with Codependent Relationships?

Relationships should be places of comfort and acceptance, and they should be avenues to expanding your horizons, not restricting them. Relationships should add joy to one's life, and though they often hit rough patches, a relationship shouldn't be a constant burden. Codependent relationships can be so stressful and restrictive that the men involved often reach a boiling point, blowing-up at their partner. It's like a release valve, and after the pressure dissipates a bit, they fall right back into the pattern.

It's up to these men to determine whether they want to remain in that relationship or find their way to freedom. If you see yourself described in this article, take hope -- many men are stuck in similar situations, and there is a way out. I've written eBook especially for guys like you -- it's affordable to all men who desire to get out of unhealthy relationships. If you feel that you need to leave your relationship but fear the consequences of leaving, my eBook on ending unhealthy relationships will guide you to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find help here.

Animal Abuse Linked to Domestic Abuse

While it is a sick and sad thing to think about, animal abuse happens every day. There are many reasons why some people commit such horrible crimes. In many cases however, it has been proven time and time again that there is a link between animal abuse and domestic abuse. Those who commit acts of violence against lovers, children, and animals tend to do so because they feel empowered. They feel as though they can teach someone a lesson because the person or animal they are beating on is weaker than they are. This must stop. But when will it?

Pets are a big part of homes that have children. In fact, 74.8 percent of the homes that have children, ages six and up, in them will have at least one pet. Women are the primary caregivers in three fourths of these homes. Reports collected from interviews with women in United States and Canadian domestic violence shelters show that about 70 percent have been witness to violence towards the animals in the home, from the abuser who attacked them.

Women actually will stay in an abusive home longer simply because of a fear of leaving pets behind. They fear that the pets will be killed or harmed in some way and so they stay in hopes of protecting the animals. These women fear that by leaving the home, the pets could easily become the targets.

Making a Difference

When police officers are now called to the scene of domestic violence, they now look for animal abuse as well. There is special training out there for law enforcement officials so that they can spot animal abuse. And since homes with domestic violence have a high likelihood of animal abuse, it is important to make sure that an eye is kept open. If a police officer finds an abused pet, a call must be placed to an animal shelter for assistance in removing and caring for the animal.

Temporary Pet Housing

Since many women stay in abusive homes for longer than they should be fear of leaving their pets, domestic violence shelters, humane societies, veterinarians, and other organizations are teaming up to make sure that there is safe and adequate shelter for the animals. This would be temporary housing. By providing a safe place for the animals, the women can leave quicker and the animals will not be left behind to be abused.

Protection from Abuse Orders for Pets

Many people already know that a protection from abuse order prevents the abuser from going near the person or persons that they have harmed. This means that the home, children, workplace, and vehicles must be avoided or the abuser can be arrested. But up until recently, there was nothing in place that legally kept the abuser from the family pets. Now, there are some states that include pets and other family animals, such as livestock, in their protection from abuse orders.

It is not yet a perfect system and who knows if there will ever be such a thing. For now, all we can do is to make changes in the law when we notice that changes are needed. The more steps we take to protect our pets, the better the entire world will be, for both human and animal victims.

This article was written by Kelly Marshall of http://www.ohmydogsupplies.com - offering the best dog supplies, such as chew resistant dog toys, at great prices.
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

Thoughts of Divorce?

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