Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

As long as the woman who doesn't want her abusive man to get away remains in a relationship with him, she will be abused. As long as the man who thinks he can't attract anyone but mean-spirited women continues to settle, he will be used. It's a belief, whether accurate or not, that keeps the abused with the abusive.  You can make excuses all you want, but the truth is your personal thoughts about someone is what keeps you bound to them.  We know the truth about our partners and we all have reasons for why we stay and why we leave and never return.  When the thought came to me that I could never be happy with my abuser, I let him go.  When I came to the realization that an ex was no longer going to be faithful to me, I made arrangements to leave.  When I watched my relatives behave badly with one another and then noticed how they acted toward me and didn't like what I was seeing, I made arrangements not to be around them anymore. How long does it take for...

Enamored by the way he talks, walks, and looks, she doesn't expect that one day the allusion she has created for her lover will come off.  If he is too quiet, she goes out of her way to make him talk and laugh with her.  If he is too loud, she stays calm, out of site and hopefully out of  his mind at least temporarily.  She awaits patiently until her lover needs her services again.   The woman, with a need to please her man, is blinded to the ramifications of taking on an enabler role.  She doesn't think there is anything wrong with catering to her man, agreeing with most things he says, defending him when he is wrong, and cutting off anyone or anything that he doesn't like.  She is just being a good wife/partner/lover, right?  Dysfunction has a way of looking healthy, doesn't it?  That is until you see a woman's mind,, body and spirit slowly dying in front of you as a result of trying to do everything right in a dead end rela...

A once single person may enter into a relationship in the hopes that a man or woman will provide him or her with things like: love, security, material wealth, children, vacations, and more, but how much suffering will one allow to maintain such a lifestyle? Those who are in tough relationships with difficult people, suffer much!    A moody partner with a short fuse may be content one day, but threatening the next.  There are no rewards for putting up with such behavior.  No amount of goods will bring peace to a troubled relationship headed for destruction!  This is why many run to the church, a support group, use alcohol/drugs, take up a hobby, frequently talk or go out with family and friends, they know what they are living with! Living life is challenging enough, but far worse when dealing with a hot headed man or woman who is unhappy with how his or her life is going these days.  Despite warnings from loved ones to do some things ...

She went snooping yet again in search of something that proves he was with another woman the night before, and she found it.  But what she didn't know, is that he was standing behind her, watching, the whole time she rumbled in his bag!  Uh oh... His Money When a woman agrees to be in a relationship where the man is footing the majority of the bill, she knows that she has to not only respect the head of house, but also the money as well.  She can't spend the money on whatever she wants, when she wants without asking her man permission.  This is why so many women make their own!  Some women don't like to hear such things, but when a man takes over the finances, there are typically rules that one follows just like if a woman was the bread-winner in the household.  However, in a world where women are abused every five seconds, money is scarce for many.  The man controls everything and if the woman rubs her moody partner the wrong way, she risks ...

It wasn't too long ago that many of us were reeling from the news of domestic violence involving singers Chris Brown and Rihanna. According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center, more than one million people, on average, are victims of domestic violence each year. The vast majority of victims are women, and if there is any hope to lessen domestic violence, it's important that we start educating our sons about it at an early age. This includes: 1. What Constitutes Domestic Violence. While many people think of domestic violence as a man consistently abusing a woman, we must help them understand that domestic violence is any violence which takes place amongst family members or those in an intimate relationship and that it can be a one time occurrence or continuous. 2. Respect For Women. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Men who have little respect for women can often get abusive when things go awry. We must continue to teach our sons that women are to be tr...

Tell me, does this describe someone you know? Some people who feel inferior use an addiction to try to overcome weaknesses, especially in times of increased stress or deep inner conflict. A person’s inner inferiority complex reveals itself in his or her actions such as addiction, drug abuse, alcohol abuse, child abuse, compulsive eating, blame and aggression among others. No successful person desires a destructive addiction. What people who choose addiction or abuse really want is the power and ability to create better lives. Fearing they do not have this power to improve their lives, you will hear these people use excuses and blame to justify their addiction and abuse and protect what little dignity they feel they have left. If you find yourself or others dealing with addiction or abuse, instead of justifying or blaming, ask the following questions: Do I really want healing and resolution for this addiction or abuse? Am I willing to improve myself to achieve healing? Do I realize I ca...

I was quite lucky. I wasn't abused as a child, so I knew the abuse happening to me as an adult shouldn't have been occurring. Not everyone who suffers from abuse is that lucky. When I left my abusive partner it was the first stage of recovery. My life was a wreck. I had two children, one living with me at the time, little money and very poor health. The road ahead looked bleak. I didn't feel good about myself. I felt depressed. I didn't really like or trust other people anymore and the future was just a scary black hole. During this relationship I allowed myself to be subjected to physical, mental and verbal abuse. But in this article I want to focus on the verbal abuse. What is verbal abuse? Verbal abuse is incessant ridicule, name-calling and mocking. The abuser will often blame you for things that have nothing to do with you and make you feel responsible for their mess in some way. When you talk about things they'll argue and say it's all your fault. After so...

I think some women converse about injuries such as a black eye, missing teeth, burned body part, or choking experience with other victims as if they are in some kind of dark competition. For example, I hear some try to outdo one another by saying things like, "What he did to you...look at what he did to me..." As if the more abuse you have received at the hands of your abuser, the more so-called experience you are in situations such as these! Give me a break! It's nonsense...the way I see it some women have embraced this twisted concept of "once a victim always a victim, so let me show you how bad he hurt me!" The person who has recovered from the abuse and considers herself no longer a victim, but a survivor, doesn't care about your scars or how many you have as compared to hers, all she is listening for in your story is "so have you learned anything?" Some of these "abuse braggers" I call them, usually haven't learned much of any...

When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation ‘If I had only known...’. As a Psychotherapist who has worked with mostly women and a few men in the field of Domestic Violence, during counseling sessions we can always trace back unpleasant and also dangerous character traits to the very start of the relationship. Here are some ‘Red Flags’ to watch out for in a new partner. • He makes decisions about where to go with little or no input from you. • He belittles your opinion when the two of you are alone and may call you names. • He makes disparaging remarks about you in front of others and may talk about you as if you were not there. • He may be rough during love-making and make you engage in acts you do not like. • He does not want to spend time with your friends or family and insists you socialize with his people. • He wi...