Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

  It can be difficult to recognize when a partner is trying to control your beliefs. They may not even realize that they are doing it, and it can be difficult for you to draw boundaries. Here are some signs that may indicate that your partner is being controlling about your beliefs:   1. Your Partner Tries to Pressure You into Agreeing with Them - This could involve using threats or ultimatums to try and get you to believe the same things as them without giving you space to form your own opinions on the subject.   2. They Constantly Criticize Your Beliefs - Even if they do not explicitly tell you what to believe, they often criticize any beliefs that do not align with their own. This is a way to try and make you feel bad or wrong for having different beliefs than them.   3. They Make Decisions for You - Your partner may want to make decisions about religion, politics, or other important topics for both of you to control your beliefs.     4. They Try to ...

Your controlling, insecure, or violent date/partner made some people before you angry, used and abused them too.  They already knew some bad things about the man or woman you claim to love and for some they might have admitted to being victims of abuse, but you most likely wouldn't know nor would you care.  Abusers make sure no one ever gets close enough to their victims for them to discover the real truth.  There are the stories they tell and then there are those the exes know about.  These controlling men and women work quickly winning the new partners' trust, badmouthing exes, and hoping they never do any snooping or talking to former mates.  We all have exes for reasons.  They have their explanations and we have ours.  When one chooses to move on with his or her life, there is the verbalized or unspoken agreement between that person and the ex which is not to tell everyone everythi...

Do you really want to spend a beautiful time in a wonderful city you always wanted to go with your controlling partner?  Would you feel comfortable sharing your deepest secrets, your passions, your goals, and more with someone who has a history of turning everything positive you say into something negative? Watch your mouth those of you who have suffered much so far with these abusive types.  You are setting yourself up for a world of hurt.  Just imagine going to that jaw-dropping country-side with your angry partner only to be arguing about the price of something and possibly being physically hurt in that location.  Those images that were once so sweet and innocent in your mind are no more when you start thinking of that location.  Years ago, I recalled a place where my abuser had yelled and called me many names.  It wasn't a special spot or some magical place I had dreamt of.  Yet, once I got out of that emotionally draining relationship, e...

Whether he picked a fight after he saw you talking to a man while you were out or she had issue with you doing something yet again with the children, the abusive partner is in the mood to yell, curse, slam a few things around, and even slap you a few times. I recall a time when I avoided the physical abuse, but I had to hear the long rant.  The crazy man was yelling about what?  To this day, I really don't know.  I remember trying to explain, but to no avail.  He put the parked car in the dark parking lot in drive and off we went down the road quickly.  He was braking hard and I had tears in my eyes.  You don't think at the time about leaving.  You don't worry about tomorrow.  All you want to do is get through that moment.  You just want the yelling to stop.  If they push you too hard, it is then that you end up acting just as crazy as them.  Once you get going, you can't stop.  Every curse word is flying and you feel like...

You think a controlling partner is harmless when he or she sits back and listens to your complaints, nods and agrees with your issues, and seemingly acts supportive, right?  You believe that because he or she doesn't share your rants and negative statements about others to people outside the home that they mean you well, right?  Controlling partners will get even sooner or later based on what you have shared with them.  If he or she doesn't like a certain family member or friend or doesn't like what you say or do, the abuser will not hesitate to use what he or she knows against you to get desired results!  To an abuser his or her requests are logical, practical and in the best interest of the family, but one should know better.  He or she is typically the only one who benefits.  From the abuser driving you crazy for the things you said or did in the past by repeating them over and over again to phy...

Being in a relationship that is headed for break up isn't easy especially when children, finances, and other people and things are involved.  But people who have been victims or survivors of domestic violence know that the fight for freedom is well worth it and some battles you will win and others you might lose.  Your abusive partner might have a long history of lying, cheating and stealing whether the situations were little or big, his or her integrity is put into question often.  When feelings like this surface, you will need to test the spirits. People will claim that they love, trust, care, and want a future with you, but if deep inside you aren't convinced, it's time to get your hands dirty, it's time to ask the hard questions.   A partner or relative may or may not react negatively to your tests.  But you will never know about one's heart, true intentions, or thoughts when you have a closed mouth.  I learned this the hard way.  Having spent ye...

Although it may come as a surprise, the fact is controlling relationships are far more common than most people realize. Controlling relationships are mostly a by-product of people who have had the unfortunate experience of being reared in homes that were highly unstable and/or one or both of the parents was quite controlling. Like actors in a play, in most controlling relationships there are two roles being played out, the controller and the controlled. The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the "out of control" nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiraling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it's no longer relevant. The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or s...