Chemically Imbalanced Men and the Brainwashed Women Who Love Them
Some women have been repeatedly forewarned about the man in their life, yet they refuse to listen. What do you think will happen if they continue to stay in a troubled relationship? Here's what you need to share with a friend.
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Cheating is Abusive

She told me for the umpteenth time about this man she once loved coming over to her home, plopping down in front of the television, eating, and then sleeping in her bed.

I guess it would have been okay if they had plans on getting married, but this wasn't the case. He got married while seeing her, weeks after the honeymoon he came back over to have sex. After his visits, he would send her text messages, and acted as if nothing was wrong. He had told her, "Listen I love my child's mother and I want to be with her, but we could still be friends." At first she was shocked, maybe she was still in shock because she did keep letting him in her bed.

Now the wife (after almost two years of on again off again sex) is pregnant and he keeps coming in and out of the ex-girlfriend's life, because she allows him! That's right, she allows such abuse to go on.

So what he is still sleeping with her and so what the wife is pregnant, but what is wrong so wrong about this situation is she just like a woman who has been physically abused repeatedly keeps letting this man hurt her emotionally. She makes excuses, lies and tells everyone what she won't tolerate. Those around her say, "Hmm, okay, yes, that's sad, what?" Either they don't want to hurt her by telling her the truth or they just don't care, whatever their reason, this poor woman is an emotional basket case.

As her real friend, I told her the truth. Look I couldn't sit around and hand her a tissue. No I handed her advice that I picked up from the School of Hardknocks. "You are better than him. You are capable of meeting a man, but you will need to give yourself some time to think things through, heal from the drama, and start loving yourself. When you do this, you will be able to attract love in your life. Tell him how you feel. But most of all distance yourself from him. End it." I said more but I can't remember everything and my quotes aren't as accurate as they were that day, but you get the idea.

While she was distancing herself, she had learned that he was lying and he had other women before, during, and after her. "Hope you used a condom with him I said." Just imagine being cheated on not just with one other person, but many others and sometimes he used a condom and sometimes he didn't.

During the time they dated, while she was wondering where he was, he was naked in the bed with a woman here and there and then climbing into her bed. This is a truth that hurts to the core of your being -- it makes some women go mad ripping things up, keying cars, slashing tires, stalking their partners, even threatening to kill the other woman!

This sounds like an old story I went through minus the wife, the insanity (at least on my part) and the pregnancy. You talk about emotional abuse, this is it! You almost obsess over where he is going, what he is telling you, and you fight with the temptation to check his phone, the websites he has visited, and even follow him wherever he goes. You see, you get caught in this crazy web, because you know he is lying.

Rather than play thes immature games with him, start living your life without him while your still with him. What I mean by that is don't ask him anything about his whereabouts, stop calling him, and definitely don't put yourself at risk sleeping with him without protection. Instead, create a plan for your life that will keep you so busy and provide you with enough income to say, "Goodbye drama!" It is so liberating to be able to go and come as you please without worrying over a man.

It is absolutely wonderful to find someone who you are compatible with and isn't interested in anyone but you. It is a wonderful experience to look at other women and no longer worry over whether she is the one who slept with your man. But this kind of freedom doesn't come without sacrifice, you have to let him go, you just have to; otherwise, you will keep burning up the telephone lines with yet another story to tell your friends that makes you look foolish.

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month - 7 Ways You Can Make a Difference

You may have heard a story about domestic violence, been a victim yourself or just don't understand why women stay, whatever your reason for being interested in Domestic Violence Awareness, you are at least making an attempt to educate yourself and possibly help someone else and that's all anyone who once was a victim and those who are now deceased would want, but for those people who want to do more, the following are tips to help you get started.

First, conduct research about domestic violence. You should be able to answer some of the why, how, when, what, and who questions related to the subject. Also, read about others' plights. Even though many of the stories have similar patterns, there is always something new in each that may stimulate thoughts of " I never knew that."

Second, be sure that you are sincerely empathetic and not judgmental about those who have been in violent relationships. You will know if you have resolved your own issues about women who stay, by how you react when listening to their stories. If you find that you are pushing down negative feelings and trying hard to refrain from making harsh comments, then it would be best that you don't attend any events or visit places where people are sharing their traumatic ordeals until you can get a command over your own feelings. The last thing that any victim or survivor wants is another person telling them "how stupid" he or she is for staying.

Third, conduct research in your community of existing events about domestic violence awareness. Are there any groups hosting a vigil for the deceased? What about workshops and seminars? Are there any advertisements, public service announcements, fliers, or some other literature readily available and widely seen in your neighborhood to call attention to the problem.

Fourth, find out from local police how they respond to domestic violence calls and what you should do if you hear or witness someone being abused.

Fifth, create a list of ways you may be able to let people know about domestic violence. You may want to distribute information and trinkets with a hotline number and/or create a fund-raiser and give the proceeds to a local women's shelter. Take out ad space in your local newspaper. If you are affiliated with a church, find out how leadership handles domestic violence cases and offer to speak about the issue. You can also work with schools and local colleges to appear as a guest speaker.

Sixth, pen your experience in a form of a book or record your story on audio. Let people know how you overcame your own situation. Then offer your book or audio to individuals or organizations who might be interested in your subject matter. A local theater may be interested in performing your life story in play form.

Lastly, be a good listener. Know what to say and how to say it when someone shares details of their life. Be ready to provide advice. You can obtain information from any women's shelter or simply type in "domestic violence" along with your state's name in your search engine window. A list of organizations are already established with free information to help you.

Nicholl McGuire, Author
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate http://www.amazon.com/Laboring-Love-Abusive-Mate-21-year-old/dp/1434818306

Men, Are You in a Codependent Relationship With a Needy, Controlling, Or Emotionally Volatile Woman?

What is codependency?

I've known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend's flaws. They often don't realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist.

These men are often stuck in codependent relationships. The term "codependent" is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side. However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval.

Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He'd either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relationship, on the other hand, end up pursuing an endless pattern of trying to please their partner, and feeling frustrated when their desire for freedom conflicts with their partners need for rigid conformity to her needy patterns of behavior.

All relationships should have plenty of mutual acceptance, space to be alone, time with friends (of both genders), and respect. Often, codependent relationships are lacking these things.

There are two dynamics going on in such relationships:

1) Her issues (often revolving around low self-esteem) prompt her to be controlling, jealous and overly sensitive .

2) Your issues (often involving shame and the desire to please) prompt you to stay in an unhealthy relationship -- despite the stress and dissatisfaction -- for fear of disappointing her.

Are you in a Codependent Relationship?

If you're in a codependent relationship with a controlling or needy woman, you might find that the relationship is especially restrictive. Some common traits of these relationships include:

You have to always let her know where you are

When you're out, you have to speak on the phone multiple times a day

You are discouraged from keeping female friends

She takes an active dislike of some of your friends and/or family, and feels offended that you would have them as part of your life

She attempts to control your internet usage, or monitors your email and other online communications (Facebook, etc.)

She shows excessive jealousy

She has difficulty letting petty issues go, and instead insists that you both talk about them at length

She mistrusts you and casts a suspicious eye, even if you've done nothing wrong

She's often critical of your behavior

You find yourself often "walking on eggshells" around her
Your friends tell you that you shouldn't put up with her, but you feel the need to stay

You can't speak your mind because you're too afraid of how she'll react
You've considered breaking up for a long time, but you don't want to break her heart
You feel that she may not be able to live without you, or you've tried to break up and she threatened drastic action (quitting her job, hurting herself, etc.)

These are just a few possible indicators of a codependent relationship, and by no means is an exhaustive list.

What's Wrong with Codependent Relationships?

Relationships should be places of comfort and acceptance, and they should be avenues to expanding your horizons, not restricting them. Relationships should add joy to one's life, and though they often hit rough patches, a relationship shouldn't be a constant burden. Codependent relationships can be so stressful and restrictive that the men involved often reach a boiling point, blowing-up at their partner. It's like a release valve, and after the pressure dissipates a bit, they fall right back into the pattern.

It's up to these men to determine whether they want to remain in that relationship or find their way to freedom. If you see yourself described in this article, take hope -- many men are stuck in similar situations, and there is a way out. I've written eBook especially for guys like you -- it's affordable to all men who desire to get out of unhealthy relationships. If you feel that you need to leave your relationship but fear the consequences of leaving, my eBook on ending unhealthy relationships will guide you to do so as quickly and compassionately as possible.

Michael Freeman, M.A., helps women and men get FREEDOM from unhappy relationships. Ladies can find breakup guidance here, and men can find help here.

Animal Abuse Linked to Domestic Abuse

While it is a sick and sad thing to think about, animal abuse happens every day. There are many reasons why some people commit such horrible crimes. In many cases however, it has been proven time and time again that there is a link between animal abuse and domestic abuse. Those who commit acts of violence against lovers, children, and animals tend to do so because they feel empowered. They feel as though they can teach someone a lesson because the person or animal they are beating on is weaker than they are. This must stop. But when will it?

Pets are a big part of homes that have children. In fact, 74.8 percent of the homes that have children, ages six and up, in them will have at least one pet. Women are the primary caregivers in three fourths of these homes. Reports collected from interviews with women in United States and Canadian domestic violence shelters show that about 70 percent have been witness to violence towards the animals in the home, from the abuser who attacked them.

Women actually will stay in an abusive home longer simply because of a fear of leaving pets behind. They fear that the pets will be killed or harmed in some way and so they stay in hopes of protecting the animals. These women fear that by leaving the home, the pets could easily become the targets.

Making a Difference

When police officers are now called to the scene of domestic violence, they now look for animal abuse as well. There is special training out there for law enforcement officials so that they can spot animal abuse. And since homes with domestic violence have a high likelihood of animal abuse, it is important to make sure that an eye is kept open. If a police officer finds an abused pet, a call must be placed to an animal shelter for assistance in removing and caring for the animal.

Temporary Pet Housing

Since many women stay in abusive homes for longer than they should be fear of leaving their pets, domestic violence shelters, humane societies, veterinarians, and other organizations are teaming up to make sure that there is safe and adequate shelter for the animals. This would be temporary housing. By providing a safe place for the animals, the women can leave quicker and the animals will not be left behind to be abused.

Protection from Abuse Orders for Pets

Many people already know that a protection from abuse order prevents the abuser from going near the person or persons that they have harmed. This means that the home, children, workplace, and vehicles must be avoided or the abuser can be arrested. But up until recently, there was nothing in place that legally kept the abuser from the family pets. Now, there are some states that include pets and other family animals, such as livestock, in their protection from abuse orders.

It is not yet a perfect system and who knows if there will ever be such a thing. For now, all we can do is to make changes in the law when we notice that changes are needed. The more steps we take to protect our pets, the better the entire world will be, for both human and animal victims.

This article was written by Kelly Marshall of http://www.ohmydogsupplies.com - offering the best dog supplies, such as chew resistant dog toys, at great prices.

Everything Costs, Nothing is for Free!

Whether you give your time, street or email address, you are giving something away usually to get something. I am asking you to support my book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. In abusive relationships, women and men are giving something away too -- their lives! Some are doing it fully aware of the consequences and others are too blind to see what is happening before them. Since my last posting to this site a young woman who was suppose to get my book died. She was hit by a car trying to run away from her abuser and died. Would my book have touched her heart? I don't know, but if my book can touch someone you know who is in a similar situation then why not get it for them before it's too late?

I was a victim of dating/domestic violence in 1996 and then I became a survivor the following year! However, the years following would require spiritual counseling, prayer, and family. Some of you reading this are already aware of my book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. Others are not. This book not only tells my story in poetry form, but it challenges you to think about your current relationship. In the coming months, my new book will be out entitled, "Laboring to Love Myself." This book is not only about the ups and downs of loving oneself, but it too, causes you to look inward and reflect on whether you are in fact satisfied with who you are and if not, how is your disatisfaction with self contributing to your daily struggle with relating to family, friends, co-workers, and achieving your goals?

Those of you who know me, know that I am a deep thinker and I don't waste time writing or pondering over foolishness. If you want to be a part of spreading a postive word to people in need of help, get behind books that are about assisting people. Locate my book link on this site and buy it. If you want to be a part of the next project "Laboring to Love Myself" and you too have a story to tell then send me an email if you are in my Facebook network or leave a comment on this site and I will get back to you. God bless!

Nicholl McGuire

Systemic Abuse: The Challenge Facing Domestic Abuse Survivors

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the frying pan to the fire on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize.

I lived systemic abuse; I write about it, I know it from the core of my being. But, I never understood it so thoroughly until I was asked to explain it to someone whose life was altered dramatically by it.

What is “systemic abuse?” The word “systemic” is defined as “relating to or referring to the whole organism.”

I liken systemic abuse to any systemic disease. It erodes the very elements that sustain the organism. Systemic abuse, as I see it, is the manifestation of abuse by that deemed to protect the abused. The net result: the perpetuation of domestic violence by the very systems that purport to stop it.

Survivors of domestic abuse far too often meet systemic abuse face-to-face in their efforts to seek safety from an abusive partner. She can be the defendant in a domestic abuse arrest, the party restrained by an ex-parté order of protection, the protective parent with supervised visitation or the battered mother cut out of her abused children’s lives.

These victims are black, white, yellow and many of mixed origin. They are rich, poor, professional and many without technical skills. There are as many variations of the story of systemic abuse as there are people living it. And when it’s yours, you know it; not only do you feel violated, but you also see no aid, no options and you that learn you are your first responder.

What causes systemic abuse?

A) The systemic abuse players’ greed, ignorance and absence of their professional ethics and fiduciary responsibility.

B) The intimate partner abuser’s need to save face, get even and, last but not least, to maintain control.

When you put the pathology of a perpetrator together with an economically driven industry or with a blind legal and/or healthcare system, you get the most perverted self-sustaining abuse dynamic that you could ever imagine. Sadly, the mere placement of the intimate partner abuser together with the players of systemic abuse may even led to the perpetrator falling prey to the systemic abuse.

I’ve seen many cases where systemic abusers keep perpetrators engaged with promises to carry out their mission to destroy their victims. Once they have turned the batterer upside down and shaken every dime out of his pockets, systemic abusers let the perpetrator go. Then, there are those batterers who rise above this ploy by filing for bankruptcy when the game is over.

How do you know you are engaged in systemic abuse?

There are a few compelling tip-offs that evidence systemic abuse.

A) Law enforcement denies you the right to press charges or file a complaint for a documented breach of the criminal law.

B) Your civil attorney throws your case to opposing counsel.

C) The court agents don’t/won’t/can’t see you for who you are, but rather only as your perpetrator desires you to be portrayed.

D) Your children’s desperate cries for help are muffled, and their pleas for safety fall upon deaf ears.

E) The healthcare system falls into your perpetrator’s hand and becomes an accomplice in your demise.

F) Opposing counsel plays psychiatrist—without a license, much less a knowledge base—when the court psychiatrist won’t/can’t give you a psychiatric diagnosis.

When it’s all over, normal people scratch their heads trying to understand your net outcome. And those individuals that care about you genuinely struggle to wrap their brains around the absurdity of your irrational, tragic predicament. In utter confusion, they say, “How can this happen?” “It can’t, but it did.” you silently think to yourself.

What should you do when you are entangled in systemic abuse?

A) Take care of yourself: your physical, mental, emotional and spiritual health.

B) Keep your eyes open: know your rights and know the laws affecting your case.

C) Understand the abuse dynamic objectively and subjectively: learn the subtle communication patterns of abusive relationships and cultivate trust in your gut.

D) Play your cards carefully: read and understand everything presented to you, and secure what’s not presented to you that is relevant to you.

E) Recognize and understand social judicial politics: be mindful that what can’t be done doesn’t mean it won’t be done.

F) Find an excellent, credible consultant who knows the enigma of systemic abuse, before you settle too deep into its devastation.

With all this in place, you can fan off the dragon. You can thrive and so can your children. We have helped hundreds of women hold their own through the roughest tides. If you need help contact, Dr. Jeanne King Consultants, LLC at the link below in the author biography section.

While it is true we are available to help those dealing with systemic abuse, the true intention of this article is to serve as a public service for domestic abuse survivors. My goal is to make the silent crime of systemic abuse, afflicting thousands of women every year, visible. So visible that the day will come when people see systemic abuse and they say, “Oh yes, people rob banks;” rather than, “Oh my God, how can this happen!”

Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D., psychologist, author and speaker, helps people identify and stop domestic abuse. Developer of the Intimate Partner Abuse Screen, http://www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com, Dr. King serves as a consulting expert http://www.DrJeanneKing.com Dr. Jeanne King Consultants, LLC