Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

When I was in an abusive relationship back in 1996, I experienced some of the following things with my mate. It is so sad what we will do for love. I didn't know it at the time that all I was doing was giving him more power over me. He didn't love me anymore or any less. Looking back, he really didn't love himself, so how could he love me? One. We make excuses for his or her behavior. A customer service representative, sales clerk even a friend has witnessed our mate's insane behavior over the littlest of things. So what do we do? We apologize on behalf of our man. We talk about the stress he is under. We expect empathy from everyone because of his past unfortunate circumstances. Two. We lie for him or her. We think that by lying about any problem or situation our partner is experiencing that somehow they will treat us better. If anything, they will take what we did for them and wash our faces with it later. "How can I trust you? You lied to your mother for me!&

What is codependency? I've known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend's flaws. They often don't realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist. These men are often stuck in codependent relationships. The term "codependent" is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side. However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval. Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He'd either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relation