Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Watch for signs...the early days of meeting one's abuser. Narcissists, borderline personalities, anti-socials all exploit people!   He or she was so wonderful in the beginning of the relationship, but that all changed...   These people establish a fake common bond like you both have similar interests.  Then in time, you find out you don't have as much in common as you originally thought, you were deceived!  These troubled men and women are sexually uninhibited, they are open to doing almost anything in or out of the bedroom! When irritated or angered about someone or something, they often blame and exaggerate situations.  They are liars!  View their eyes at times they look empty, dead or soulless.  These individuals with their various personality disorders (typically more than one) are moody and move quickly to have sex.  They don't love, they lust! These lonesome and difficult people rush to get married, ha...

Intoxicating Feelings - Lust, Romantic Love - Dating and Relationships - Video Dailymotion

When someone walks into your life appearing to have all the character traits you desire in a mate, why wouldn't you pursue a relationship?  People, who criticize victims of abuse, forget the early stages that occur in a dating relationship.  If you sincerely felt that your life would be in danger messing around with someone crazy, you wouldn't get involve with them in the first place.  But as we, who have been in abusive relationships, have learned you can't judge a book by its cover.  Just because a person acts nice, caring, patient, and understanding doesn't mean that he or she really is. Emotionally abusive, unforgiving, angry, violent, and jealous men and women typically do not show their true colors in relationships at least in the beginning.  They know that if they were to display every aspect of who they are early on, they would not get the benefits that come with dating someone.  So they work hard to be on their best behavior.  They want to ...

He is attractive, nice to others, has a good job, dresses neat, and smells good.  However, there is something not quite right with him.  He seems easily irritated, jealous when others come around, and can be a bit annoying.  Sometimes he acts like he is very much into you and other times not so much.  You have a few stories of feeling nervous even scared, but you tell no one.  "They won't understand," you reason.  But isn't the real reason why you don't say anything about how he makes you feel, because you worry they will say, "Don't be stupid, get rid of him!  You can do better!" Welcome to a very real experience of many young women who know that something is wrong with a guy, but because of any number of reasons, they convince themselves that they will be "alright" while comparing their experiences with others, rather than focus on how they personally feel in their relationship. Some women just don't let men go that inti...

He bragged about how his future, the woman of his dreams being "so easy to talk to" while she described her "Soul Mate" as being "open, honest and understanding."  However, the two learned after less than a year of dating one another that their facades were nothing more than sales pitches designed to keep the two engaged to one another while shutting everyone else out. On the outside looking in, observers saw happy people in photographs and a "nice couple" meeting and greeting them.  But what they didn't know is that deep down inside the pair had many warring demons--spirits with many fights to pick.  Jesus was petitioned to come save the couple, but to no avail, because the two couldn't fight personal demons long enough to let an all-knowing God work on them. The more open one is about his or her past, the more tools you give the double-minded to use against you.  People can dialogue about almost anyth...

1. They won't all love you just because you do and say nice things. 2. They won't respect you if you should dress too sexy, act too boldly, or run with the wrong company of people. 3.  They don't much care what your family thinks and will work hard to get you to focus solely on what they think. 4.  They become jealous when you smile, converse long, and act polite toward other men. 5.  There are those who will act like me.  So if you don't like me much, then make a better selection. A little advice goes a long way, but when dads are too busy doing everything else, but being good fathers, oftentimes daughters don't truly know the difference between a man who sincerely loves and appreciates them and one who is simply using and abusing them.  Therefore, if the first man in a little girl's life was mean-spirited and (emotionally and/or physically) abusive toward her mother, then what do you expect she is going to do until she grows up an...

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the frying pan to the fire on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize. I lived systemic abuse; I write about it, I know it from the core of my being. But, I never understood it so thoroughly until I was asked to explain it to someone whose life was altered dramatically by it. What is “systemic abuse?” The word “systemic” is defined as “relating to or referring to the whole organism.” I liken systemic abuse to any systemic disease. It erodes the very elements that sustain the organism. Systemic abuse, as I see it, is the manifestation of abuse by that deemed to protect the abused. The net result: the perpetuation of domestic violence by the very systems that purport to stop it. Survivors of domestic abuse far too often meet systemic abuse face-to-face in their efforts to seek safety from an abusive partner. She can be the defend...

This has gotten past the point of ridiculous. You are not naive and have always understood that all dating relationships have their ups and downs. That also includes a fair amount of arguing. Everyone is different so there are bound to be occasional conflicts of opinion from time to time. That's how relationships work. But your dating partner has gone off the charts one too many times for you to ignore it anymore. Irritated turns into anger very quickly and then they fly into a rage that at times is out of control. And yes on more than one occasion it has scared the daylights out of you. Afterwards they calm down and apologize profusely (or do they?) and promise you it will never happen again. You've heard that before but it keeps happening and each time it gets a little more severe. For some people in a relationship, they look at this as a challenge to overcome. They decide that they are strong enough to not only take it but give it back in full force if necessary. By standing...

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don’t hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused ? Well think again because "ABUSE" is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women’s health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don’t hurt? If that holds true, then does it only become physical abuse when a bruised body part becomes obvious to others? Well, what about an emotionally abused person? Does it only become emotional abuse when you have started to believe what you’re told? Really there is no difference in how emotional and physical abuse affects the mind, body and spirit. Take t...

Could it Be That These Health Issues Contributed to Women Being Abusive Toward Men? "What did he do to cause her to hit him? He probably deserved it." "As big as he is and he is accusing her of being abusive?" "Why would he call the police on her?" This is just a sample of the many quotes that have been said about men who have been in violent relationships with their abusive wives and girlfriends. Women aren't the only victims when it comes to domestic violence, men have their share of stories too. "It takes two to tango," so the saying goes. And what the public rarely hears is his side of the story and if he chooses to share it, would we believe him anyway? Picture this, an irritable, emotional, hungry, wife with an emotional disorder that occurs two weeks out of every month. She doesn't seem to think her problem is serious. She barks out orders to her husband and children like a drill sergeant. She makes false accusations abo...

Let's face it. Our government sent thousands of men and women into battle. They didn't know what they were getting into when they arrived in Iraq. Of course we sympathize with them, and we pray night after night they come home safe. And when they do, everything is different. He or she has changed. They are not the same person you remember. Is it their fault? Why place blame, because we can certainly point fingers. But the bottom line here is that you will be affected one way or another upon their return, and a lot of times, it isn't positively. Short tempers. Anger. Resentment. Grieving for lost comrades. Why did the government send me there? Why is my life ruined? I can't cope with life now. My spouse or partner doesn't understand. Why did I get injured? I can't work now. My partner wants love and affection. I can't give it anymore. All I see is bloodshed. All I see is pain and anguish. No one understands. My life will never be the same. I wish I wou...

People define cheating differently. Some people define it as an emotional act as well as a physical act and others just define it as a physical act. That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently. So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play it's always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that. Although it's not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things. Truthfully, I believe that it's difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if you're unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way. Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. It's ...

Her abusive boyfriend from the past cheated, lied, robbed, raped, abused, and misused her. When you first laid eyes on this gorgeous woman, the last thing you thought was you would be inheriting her wounds from yesteryear. Yet, you did and now you feel at times stuck with both his and her mess. You aren't ready to break up with this woman you love, but you can't see a future with her either. So what do you do about this past baggage that tends to show up on days that you think everything is perfectly okay? The following tips should help you get some peace of mind, reach a decision about the relationship, and help you help her to heal. There is a big difference between a woman who calls herself a victim of domestic violence and one who calls herself a survivor. The survivor most likely has evolved from her experience and shows no signs of having ever been a victim. She has received the support she needed to move on and has taken the necessary changes to live her life to the f...

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate A 21-year-old woman’s diary to stay or go By Nicholl McGuire Education, popularity, and beauty couldn’t keep a college student from choosing a man who had a terrible secret. In this poetic story, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Nicholl McGuire tells of her struggle to stay or leave her abuser. Domestic violence reared its ugly head when Nicholl, a young college student, met a man ten years older back in 1996. In her first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate , Nicholl struggles with whether she should stay or leave her abuser in a series of poems that chronicle her hellish nine-month experience. Her roller coaster ride of emotions in the book provide valuable insight on the struggles abused women face when making a decision to help or escape their abusers. “This book isn’t for the woman who has already left the relationship,” Nicholl says. “Instead, it’s for the woman who is contemplating on leaving the relationship and the woman w...