Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Right now it doesn't look like it.  You have been with a partner for years and have tolerated much.  From the lying to the emotional and/or physical affairs or worse beatings, you know in your mind it is time to go, but when?  "When" is not a question you rush to answer.  One's steps to end a miserable relationship are careful, calculated, and consistent.  Each step moves you closer to freedom! Check your mind. If you are no longer finding yourself hoping/wishing/waiting for something to change in the angry or abusive mate, you are well on your way toward independence.  If you are still caught up in a world of fantasy, you are merely hindering yourself emotionally and physically and it will continue to feel like you will never get free. Check your heart. Still in love or like when he or she does something nice/funny/thoughtful?  Time to put the sentimental emotions in a box and store them away in a closet or a shelf, but not in your heart....

Praying, wishing, hoping, loving, and wanting your partner to change, you believe that love is the cure all.  You believe that if you just do everything right that the relationship experts say, your mother tells you, and of course the abuser, that all will be okay. How much more money do you have to spend to buy peace in your household? How often do you have to sexually please him/her? What entertainment do you have to provide? Where do you have to go and what do you have to do to ensure the abuser doesn't blow up on you? The extent that a victim will go just to appease an emotionally or physically abusive partner would leave outsiders speechless. No matter what you do for someone who has many unresolved past issues will never be good enough.  It doesn't take much to awaken the demon within.  Love won't keep the abusive man or woman from cursing, acting threatening, or even hitting you, the pet, or doing something else to get his or her aggression out. How many...

So the devil of a man decides to take a low blow during an argument and use a victim's past to talk about why the last one abused her, why she deserved it, and how he will hurt her like the former abuser did.  His pot shot was painful and a trigger; lucky for him she didn't turn into a raging lunatic and pay him back for every man who came before him who thought they were bold enough to put their hands on her. What makes a woman go off the deep end?  Statements like the above.  Frequent disrespectful attitudes and words, mean glares, negative behaviors like silent treatment and gas-lighting, and more leading up to the day that she explodes.  Far too often outsiders, looking at that single public incident, the day everything turned black and the woman lost her mind will question, "Why would she even attempt to fight a man?  What would possess her to act so angrily?  Why would the man ...

It is very easy for some to justify why they have this issue and that one as a result of past abuses, recent verbal assaults, and offenses; however, the truth is, there is no excuse for acting like a fool while in a relationship or out of one.  The survivor boasts about being free, yet the past has a way of rearing it's ugly head every now and then revealing a dark side that would be better left in the closet.  The victim blames his or herself for why the abuser continues to mistreat him or her.  The abuser wants someone to put his or her stamp of approval on his or her unfair, mean-spirited, and downright crazy misdeeds.  Whatever the issue or whoever the person, if one should find his or herself on the wrong side of the law, no one is going to immediately jump to his or her defense.  Those looking on the outside in at a troubled individual, typically will ask the dreaded question, "What did you do?"  The man or woman, who...

Your mind has told you to leave your abusive situation.  People around you keep reminding you of what you said about leaving your abusive partner, but when do you plan to do it?  The more you think about breaking it off, the more reasons you will find to stay with him or her.  "She's good with the kids...he makes good money...what will the children think?"  Concern yourself with those things after you leave.  This is the weekend for some of you that will set you on that path toward freedom! You have been playing with the idea of leaving for years, but now is the time!  The extra money will be there for some of you, because you filed your income tax return early.  Don't let him, the children or relatives plan your money for you!  Take it and put it on a new place to stay.  Put some aside to finance your move.  Forget what you promised him or her you would do with the money, get away!  Somebody out there reading this, your life...

One day while surfing the web, I came across a forum where people were talking about, what was one thing they didn't miss about being in a relationship anymore?  I was expecting to read comments like, "I don't have to listen to his snoring...don't have to visit her relatives anymore..." you know simple things like that.  However, I read things like, "I don't have to take her physical and mental abuse...The beatings."  What!?  I thought, some people in this forum are fresh out of relationships that had been causing them so much mental and physical suffering.  Just think, you are grateful to be out of a relationship because you don't have to worry over getting hit on the head, shoved, spit on, kicked, or cursed out in front of people.  But I also thought, "How much damage have these people suffered and will they be abusing the next person they get involved with?  Have they sought any help?" Some of you who are in relationships who have ...