Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

So sex is supposed to make things better?   Wasn't it just last week, a month ago or a little longer that a woman or man complained about his or her relationship with an abuser.  And wasn't it not that long ago that he or she talked of breakup, separation or divorce?  What changed?  A sexual release.  You know the abuser is still the same.  He or she hasn't changed.  The dark side has went into hiding until next time.  For those of you in love, lust, or like with a hot-tempered, mean-spirited ugly man or woman, you know how the story goes.  Everything is "okay, alright, fine" until the next blow up.  Turbulent relationships never remain peaceful, there is always something right around the corner that an abuser gets his or herself mixed up in (cheating, lies, stealing, fights, job loss, self-harm, etc.)  Evil men and women bore easily, get angry over the littlest of things, act self-righteous, cold-hearted, and pride themselves on emotionally and/or p

Whether an abusive lover is too big, too small, or just right but rough privately (if you know what I mean), some victims in emotionally and physically abusive relationships will do almost anything to appease.  A mind warped with wanting attention, affection, and love from a troubled partner, some men and women will go along just to get along with twisted sexual fantasies, shameful acts, etc. in the hopes that things will get better in a bad relationship. Those painful sexual memories are hard to erase especially when one's body still carries fresh wounds, incurable illness and more.  A lover told you that "if you love me, you would..." so you said, "Okay."  The mental games didn't end, the discomfort only worsened, and deep within you knew that what was being asked of you just wasn't you.  You kept pushing yourself to do and say whatever to your controlling partner who treated you more like a voodoo doll than a human being.  You were poked, prodded,

Shoving, hitting, punching, choking...the violent man is angry once again about his partner disagreeing with him during a dispute.  He doesn't like it when she uses "...that tone" with him.  So the controlling man felt that it was his responsibility to put the argumentative woman in her place. After the yelling and the violence, the abuser calms down, goes into the kitchen and helps himself to something to drink.  He sits in front of the TV screen with clicker in hand while thinking about what he is going to say to the woman he has bruised and bloodied in the next room.  He yells, "Go clean up!" while the woman nurses her wounds in the bedroom. The evening was bad--worse than other times, but things are quiet for now.  She tells herself, "As long as I don't say a word to him, everything will be alright."  Before long, the worn-out and battered woman falls asleep.  Not long after she has closed her eyes, the abuser climbs into the bed with her

Sex is a natural response to all of the positive feelings you might be having toward your partner.  Who doesn't want to show one's love and adoration while getting some personal benefits?  However, the lack of sex in any relationship can make one irritable, impatient and even angry. There are those men and women who just don't do well in a sexless relationship especially if he or she is use to getting sex.  Some couples falsely assume that they can still operate in a once healthy relationship that has now had its share of challenges without zero affection.  This might work if both parties agree to a sexless partnership, but it doesn't work when one has his or her share of needs while the other doesn't. A woman who had been in an abusive relationship for years shared with me times that she was abused simply because she wasn't in the mood nor had no sexual desire for her husband.  She said, "He would become angry...He beat me sometimes.  I made excuses no

You think there is no harm being done in a relationship when you deliberately make up in your mind you don't want to have any intimacy with your partner?  Maybe he or she made you angry days even weeks ago, but if you keep playing with fire, you will get burned.  However, what if you are the one who isn't playing games with sex.  You actually enjoy it, but want more.  Maybe your partner is the one using sex to control you.  If so, this is an abusive tactic that must be stopped. The more society preaches sex the more society is lacking sex.  The human spirit loses interest in anything that is constantly being preached, taught, marketed, sold, or simply discussed.  For those powers that be, whether in your home or out of it, they are glad one is tired of hearing and seeing sexual symbols, because if you are, you won't be having sex and if you aren't having sex you aren't making any babies or more of them. You know a relationship is headed for ruin when normal, hea

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate A 21-year-old woman’s diary to stay or go By Nicholl McGuire Education, popularity, and beauty couldn’t keep a college student from choosing a man who had a terrible secret. In this poetic story, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Nicholl McGuire tells of her struggle to stay or leave her abuser. Domestic violence reared its ugly head when Nicholl, a young college student, met a man ten years older back in 1996. In her first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate , Nicholl struggles with whether she should stay or leave her abuser in a series of poems that chronicle her hellish nine-month experience. Her roller coaster ride of emotions in the book provide valuable insight on the struggles abused women face when making a decision to help or escape their abusers. “This book isn’t for the woman who has already left the relationship,” Nicholl says. “Instead, it’s for the woman who is contemplating on leaving the relationship and the woman w