Thursday

Black Widow Boyfriends, Spouses - Dating Violence, Emotional Abuse



Emotional abuse occurs often in relationships and many men and women have remained in difficult situations not knowing they are being abused.

Tuesday

Bills, Cheating, and Lies - Why is the Abusive Boyfriend, Husband So Angry?

You changed since the constant bills, cheating, lies and more while being in a relationship with someone who is emotionally and/or physically abusive. 

Further, you saw the truth a long time ago that the man you are dating or married to is one of five things: a womanizer, a manipulator, a cold-hearted hustler, a serial liar, or a violent man.  Rather than save money, time, and orchestrate a plan to correct your error, you are putting icing on it like a cake.  "I'll pray about it...I will talk to him...I will buy him...I will tell him we need counseling..."  Notice "I will" it's your will from start to finish, but what about God's--the holy one you claim you obey and trust? 

Troubled women try to fix broken men all the time!  These ladies come from varied backgrounds (rich, poor, sane, insane) where they lived wild (and some still do).  These women were abused in previous relationships and have childhoods that have left them permanently scarred emotionally.  They don't ever deny themselves an intimate relationship with men--they think they are "better" or "more aware"-- "learned a lesson."  Not really, they are doing more of the same. 

When troubled women should have been single, they were not.  They continued to go into relationships with noses wide open while wearing rose-colored glasses.  In current toxic relationships, they take what they can and hope for the best, but the best never comes when you are laboring to love an abusive mate.  He only gets older, more difficult and something or someone has to be sacrificed through the duration of the relationship (especially if his allegiance is to Satan via past oaths taken through club memberships and the like). 

These men are angry before they ever meet their victims due to much stuff from childhood on (bitter divorced parents, abusive relatives, physical and/or sexual abuse, poverty, racism, heartbreak, jealousy, ego, Satan worship, military programming, substance addictions, reckless living, sexual diseases and other illnesses, etc.)  These hurting men get worse emotionally, physically and spiritually when they are in what they believe are confining, suffocating, and boring relationships and so they want out!  Since they have no plan or money to leave, they take out their frustrations on those closest to them until they have a plan. 

You see to a man who is use to excitement in his life like seducing women, living a fast life and feeding his personal fantasies, the house with the white picket fence, luxury car in the garage, a baby, wife and pet inside is not the least bit interesting to him.  But these secretly or openly angry men will go along with "the programming" or American dream for a time just enough to come up with a plan that suits them.  They will utilize who and what they can to fulfill their personal dreams until they are ready to bail out.

You women, who are abused by angry men, aren't that blind to see that who or what you are connected with are not the same individuals you first met.  You know you messed up, but entangling the web a little tighter is the last thing you should be doing.  Rather, plans to break free are necessary if you want to keep what is left of your sanity in a relationship with miserable men.  Stay too long and you won't have anything to offer the next man who is truly your match--that one who also made mistakes by connecting with a crazy woman.

Nicholl McGuire knows firsthand about this and has authored many books about a variety of issues women and men face from difficult parents to family secrets.  See her e-books. 

Sunday

Verbal Abuse - Emotionally Abusive Men, Women - New Year Drama

Here are many signs one must watch out for when involved or married to someone who is mean, sometimes nice, mean, sometimes nice and so on to you and others.  If the pattern of verbal and/or physical abuse is allowed to continue, you best believe you have yourself a manipulative, emotionally abusive partner.  Most women and men settle because they are already caught in their abusers' webs.  They are often defensive, unhappy, jealous of others, and mean-spirited just like the abusive men and women they have partnered with.


1.  Spouse or lover rarely if ever comforts you--isn't that interested in your "issues."
2.  Doesn't apologize when at fault.
3.  You don't feel beautiful around him or her.  Compliments are rationed out, insults (or jokes) are given, or nothing is said at all.
4.  You are used like a puppet on strings to finance trips, pay household bills, clean home, perform errands, cook, babysit, assist with past due items, etc. meanwhile you have no clue as to what your partner does with his or her money.  When the abuser is questioned he or she is visibly offended.
5.  The things the individual tells you when it comes to the status of the relationship doesn't reflect what he or she actually does or thinks of you.  You still feel used, out of your mind, walking on egg shells, and more.
6.  Your partner will make suggestions on how you should style your hair, clothes you should wear and other things to suit his or her fantasy.
7.  You work far too hard on making the relationship work while your partner doesn't do much but provide lip service.
8.  When others offend you, your partner isn't the least bit interested in taking your side on anything.
9.  You are not as important as his or her things, social circle, personal interests, etc.
10.  He or she is not happy about being married.  If he or she isn't this person doesn't plan on marrying anytime soon if ever.
11.  The spouse or lover may or may not go along with counseling, but even after sessions it's more of the same and in some cases things get worse because he or she doesn't want to be viewed unfavorably by anyone and doesn't want problems getting out to others.
12.  He or she is frequently angry and will use silent treatment, curse, belittle, threaten, damage property, and do other things all the while blaming you for all that goes wrong.
13.  Looks for ways to trick you into doing for him or her even after you have established boundaries from paying for the abuser's bills to a divorce.
14.  Hates the fact that sooner or later you will see the abuser for what he or she truly is, so there is a lot of lying that takes place during the relationship from where he or she goes to what the individual says about you to others.

Wake up!  If you are experiencing these things, look forward to more of the same in the New Year.

Nicholl McGuire

Thursday

Sex, Family Gatherings and Gifts - A Temporary Relief from the Pain

As one goes about his or her day being treated nicely by one's abusive partner (yet again), keep in mind the behavior is temporal.  The niceties during the honeymoon phase don't mean that a dysfunctional relationship is any better than it was when a partner screamed a week, month or sin months ago, "I want out of this relationship!  I hate you!  I really wish you would leave me alone!"  The monster within is just sitting quietly for now because nothing is occurring to set him or her off.  However, give it some time and irritations will be projected on someone else if not you.

Sex is the great motivator to be on one's best behavior, but it doesn't secure relationships.  A cheating man can have sex with his troubled wife in the morning, flirt with a few ladies while walking by, meet up with his hot girlfriend by afternoon, watch porn during a break at work, then tease his wife again before midnight for more sex, roll over then go to sleep as if he has done nothing wrong all day.  Meanwhile, his wife (or girlfriend) either pretends as if all is well, really believes things are okay, or senses something but prefers to just let things go for now.

A family gathering means nothing to an abuser when his mind is made up that if anyone or anything makes him mad there is hell to pay.  Loved ones can serve the angry man up with a few threats about messing with my daughter and long conversations about doing right by the family, but it means very little to a violent man (or woman).  Inside all the bitter man is thinking about is getting even with his big mouth woman who alerted her family about him in the first place.

Gifts might put a smile on an emotionally troubled woman's face, but in time she will go back to behaving badly because she can't seem to get a grip on her personal issues.  The children pay, her man pays, and people on the job pay for all the stuff the mean woman has on her mind.

Sex, family gatherings, and gifts are all band aids that don't cover up major wounds.  The blood, sweat and tears are still spilling out the sides of that little band aid--messing up things around it and turning off all those who can see the open wound!

One can hope and pray, but there comes a point where you need to do more than just that or else get hurt worse later.

Nicholl McGuire


Friday

Pretend to Be Happy All You Want - Someone Knows Your Truth

Persuading yourself to believe your own lies at home, work and elsewhere?  You know you are unhappy, but your secret is safe with me.  Listen to this audio message.  May God bless!

Thursday

A Word from the Blog Owner - Freedom

I just wanted to take this moment to thank the contributors of this blog and all those who have shared their entries.  I am so glad that so many involved in good, bad and otherwise relationships have found it useful.  I look forward to a breakthrough year for many of you!  Freedom is just around the corner, embrace it!  You have prayed, fasted, cried, and complained and when the escape plan is looking you in your face, follow it!

Far too many men and women in relationships who realize they have made serious errors partnering with angry individuals who are incompatible try so hard to cover up their mistakes by spending more money for fancy gifts and vacations, lying to relatives and friends about their unhappy home, while attempting to make someone happy who just isn't content in the relationship. 

Take your eyes off the appearance/wish/hope for happiness and seek after true contentment--you owe it to yourself and those who are watching some of you hurting who are slowly losing your lights!  Quoting from the lyrics of one Christian hymn, "This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine..."  A woman or man scorned is not a beacon of light no matter how much twinkling Christmas d├ęcor one uses to decorate his or herself and dwelling up!  Keep that in mind and know your true worth --envision FREEDOM!

Nicholl McGuire is the manager of this blog, a self-published author, inspirational speaker, and business owner originally from Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. She has been a featured guest on television and radio talk shows such as CBS and WPXI Channel 11.
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At this time we are welcoming any contributors who would like to be featured for their inspirational tips or relationship challenges on this blog.  Also any individual or business who would like to purchase ad space, do make contact.

Feel free to reply to this post or contact me at nichollmcguire@gmail.com

Wednesday

Watch What You Say to Others About the Man, Woman You Once Loved But Still Involved

The holidays might bring out the worst or best in you.  Isn't it a bit unnerving not knowing which personality is going to show up around a partner's family or your own?  You know you don't care, like or love your partner anymore, but now is not the time to ruin others' cheerful moods to announce something you have known all year or mere days ago.

People who are in verbally or physically abusive relationships worry about a lot.  It can be difficult to quiet the voices in your head that make a mountain out of a mole hill about people, places and things, due to all the walking on eggshells with a controlling partner.  Whether your time has been weeks that feel like a decade or for many years with someone, you know how it can be when you are under pressure because of this person.

So watching what you say to relatives, friends and his or her side of the family can be a burden, but it is something that victims must do if they don't want to experience additional pain at home along with children pets, etc. 

As much as some observers really want to extract the truth and be that listening ear (or the family gossip), it is best to stay quiet and avoid confiding in them at this time until you are ready to escape your situation.  Tis the season of false holiday cheer for many.  Anyway, put on your fake smile and hold your head high with the rest of them until you know what your next move might be.

NOTE:  If you have never suffered as a result of an abuser, I would suggest that you don't put any pressure or stress on someone who has about talking to you or visiting with you during this season.  Abusive situations are like volcanoes and earthquakes you never know when they might erupt or when someone might turn on you while you thought you were only trying to be helpful. 

Treat the victim with love and kindness.  Remind her or him you will be there should this person need any assistance--keep to your word.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of many books including She's Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men. 

Monday

The Argument: "At Least My Exes...My Family...My Job..."

The words are flying out of an angry lover or spouse's mouth as if boasting about failed relationships, dysfunctional relatives, and unsatisfying jobs is going to somehow make the individual look better or hurt the one who's listening. 

Miserable partners do cast blame and twist failure around into what appears like success while wielding it as if it is a weapon.  This is usually done when the player, pimp or hustler type is caught in yet another lie, twisted truth, weird way of behaving, or downright abusive act.

The user and/or abuser has got to corner you during battle launching a verbal attack.  He or she will accuse you of being wrong when you are sincerely right this time, the last and maybe the time before that.  Too much truth, wisdom, exposing, etc. and the angry man or woman viciously responds with, "You think you are better...You always want to be right!  You don't know what you are talking about!  What makes you an expert on...?  Well what about that day when you...?  Who told you that?"

God-fearing Saints take heed! Jesus spoke a lot of truth in his day.  You know his critics hated Him, so what do you think an abusive man or woman truly thinks of you?  Until the hurting individual(abuser) starts picking his or herself a part like the pieces of a puzzle and starts to walk right with the Father, there will always be a battle arising especially in a spiritually unequally yoked partnership--regardless of how many years you have been together or how much religious practices take place.

The strategy from that player, pimp or hustler is to distract you from what you noticed, heard, and other things about him or her while the counterattack is being constructed in one's mind.  The idea here is to throw you off so you will stop asking questions, revealing his or her past, and finding out additional information.

The "My ex was better at..." (or some other person like a parent or friend) argument is a mean-spirited partner's way of trying to push you into behaving like he or she wants (this is a controlling tactic--also used to start a dispute so that he or she can get out the house and do whatever with whoever).  In addition, the braggart of his or her past wants to get you to become jealous (make you feel insecure about yourself).  This attack might work for the woman or man with low self-esteem, but for those individuals who are quite confident in themselves they could care less.  Sometimes victims will find an excuse to do what they want just because a partner wants to boast so much about an ex or someone else. 

If a former spouse or a loved one was "so good, so great, so wonderful..." then why is the individual not spending his or her time with the ex, relative, friend or alone--why waste the listener's time boasting about the past?  That's because whoever or whatever is not nearly as great as they claim to be for him or her or someone is talking to that abuser about his or her past making it more than what it was.  So if I am sitting on the phone listening to a relative tell me flattering things about an ex, my vision of him or her might be a bit different than it once was and the comparison triggers just might be turned on making it challenging for me to maintain a quality relationship.  There are often holes in the stories partners share about exes especially if the family still likes the exes and spends time with them. 

People break up or become distant for good reason and don't let an abuser or any other individual try to swindle you into believing their myths.  Rejected people and those who are poor performers when it comes to relationships are often in denial from childhood to their personal feelings about a current partner.  These individuals brag about the past as if they were never hurt, talk about their friends' lives as if they are in perfect relationships, brag about former employers as if they were the best of friends, and more braggadocios types of behavior. The real truth is controlling men and women know that they lost power in situation(s) and couldn't maintain quality connections due to things like: pride, stubbornness, childhood abuses, rejection, and other painful emotions. 

So back to that so-called exceptional ex and others abusers and users like to throw up every now and then in an argument, those men and women quite simply didn't want them anymore and they were deeply troubled mentally by that or the abusers may have still wanted them for material wealth or periodic sex but not anything serious.  Former victims (typically that's what they are) reach a point in relationships where they say, "I've had enough of this, goodbye!  You won't use me anymore!  Be with whoever and do whatever, because I am so done with you!" 

When it came to an abusers' or users' friends, they eventually found them out.  Sometimes they are just as toxic!  They too gradually realize they didn't care for controlling friends as much as they once did for any number of reasons like flirting with partners for starters.  Abusive men and women are known cheaters whether emotionally or physically. 

As for employers, they too soon discover they have a sociopath, narcissist or some other type working for them.  Sooner or later they lose interest in these charmers.  So to get rid of them at the workplace, they make things a bit uncomfortable so much in fact that they hope offending workers will quit their jobs or management looks for ways to get abusers as far away as possible from moving them out of departments to sending them out of town.

People who take advantage of others expect far more than they give at home and work.  They aren't typically consistent on the job and don't get along well with authority figures or others who work closely with them. 

Abusive people in relationships usually end up divorced or in jail due to uncontrollable anger episodes.  Many of these troubled men and women are unforgiving, blame everyone else for their troubles, and don't believe they are wrong about anything.  They frequently become visibly defensive when concerns need to be addressed.  When exposed, they will lash back with boastful phrases about "How I never...Your wrong...My past relationships were not bad...My parents showed me love...You're just jealous!" What else can users and abusers say when they live with the truth within them everyday that tells them, "You never learn, do you?  So you got another one angry with you like the last one and the one before...You don't apologize...You don't act like you care...You never learn."

Nicholl McGuire  
 

Sunday

Negative Partner and Others - Difficult Personalities


Part 2 of 2 - The Passive Aggressive Personality/ "I'm Always Right!" - based on Difficult Personalities...book
http://share.myflare.com/XFQsMR

Spiritual related audios can be found YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Monday

How to Save a Marriage After An Affair - Shutting Down The Visions

Don't Tell a Partner Your Game Plan or Make Verbal Threats or Act Threatening

You know why a lot of families are grieving this day?  It is because during the heat of an argument their beloved, yet deceased, sons and daughters yelled out their intentions (what they planned to do like leave them) to their abusers, and even acted boldly in attempting to defend themselves.  Victims buried six feet deep prematurely because they just couldn't keep their mouths shut!

You don't tell a violent man or woman your plans, ever!  You might think he or she wouldn't think twice about hitting you, ruining your credit, hurting your children, or doing any other crazy act, but think again!  Just because you have been with someone well-over a decade doesn't mean that he or she wouldn't take what they have learned from you and flip the script!

The Bible warns to love our enemies for good reason.  Even if you can't love an enemy at least act like it until you are as far away from him or her as possible.  Treat the person kindly, but not so well to the point that he or she wonders if you put something in his or her drink.  However, do not under any circumstances tell an abusive man or woman or his or her family what your future plans might be especially if they involve taking children away. 

Keep in mind, the holiday merry-making is nothing more than a mere illusion, a partner hasn't changed and neither have you.  Trust no one but those who can help you outside of you and your partner's social circles.

Stay in prayer and ask God to protect you from all harm and danger.  Seek professional counseling and contact the police and the National Domestic Violence hotline to find out what you can do to be safe.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

The Nagging, Nervous Feeling Grows When in a Relationship with an Angry Partner

Frequently angry men and women who claim to love their partners really don't.  They are so emotionally involved with all that upsets them to sincerely care much about how their mates truly feel concerning the relationship, children and more.

Abusive people are only happy when they feel in control and can exercise their demands on others.  Keep idolizing them while making these mean-spirited people feel like you can't live without them and you just might not be punished by them at least for awhile.  However, cross them, rebel, or do something you desire to do and before long you are walking on thin ice with them.  The violent type will sooner or later attack as some of you already know. 

Now if you have yet to experience that suffocating, walking on egg shells, stomach-churning, and nervous feeling that angry men and women bring out of their victims then give it some time, stick it out with them long enough and your head and gut will be affected by them.

Nicholl McGuire has written She's Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men for victims or potential ones.

Friday

A Counterfeit Heart - The Callous Man Who Lusts and Then Leaves Them

Every woman thinks she can be his number one, but the narcissist's knows better.  He doesn't love women, he uses them to obtain benefits.  There are no women in his life he deems game changers that can turn the handsome play boy into a devoted and loving husband.  As this blogger learned, the only thing you will get from a sociopath is another broken heart.  Read this story.

January Many Couples will Announce Breakup, Divorce

The last holiday season of the year will bring out the best in anyone especially if he or she knows that right around the bend is a long awaited breakup.  Now before you start thinking about whether your partner plans on leaving, just know ending a relationship takes time so it doesn't mean that January (or any month) next year applies to you or him/her.  Besides, one's mate might not be the one thinking about leaving, but you are. 

So fed up with the relationship roller coaster ride and so done with lies, cheating, abuse, etc., January just might be the right time for you to plan your exit.  However, keep in mind a jilted lover doesn't go away so easily and neither does a violent one, so be sure you have the necessary support system in place from domestic violence counselors to police officers standing by.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy and Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men.

Wednesday

Book for Battered Men in Relationships with Crazy Women

Not every woman is a victim and not every man is abusive toward his woman.  For the man who is looking to get out of a verbally and physically abusive relationship, She's Crazy by Nicholl McGuire was written for you.  If you are not in an abusive relationship, pass this book on to someone you might know in a relationship with a crazy woman.  Get your copy today!

Tuesday

On Defending Dysfunctional Family Members and Friends

The Child Isn't at Fault - Choosing a Partner Over Children

A daughter has seen it all mommy in tears while a son watches his dad with fears after connecting with partners that are unfit for an intimate relationship much less a step-child. 

Quick to jump into relationships, dating couples who later marry end up right back to where they started from--bitter, angry, confused, and used again.  How did one return to a mess he or she calls a relationship?  Children are not stupid, they know when parents screw up and they also know when they are better off spending much needed time alone possibly permanently.

Let's face it, after going through much in life, not everyone is equipped emotionally and physically to have a serious relationship with someone whether they met these individuals on or offline.  Until emotional and/or physical healing takes place from past problems and a determined and disciplined mindset to want to change, it will always be more of the same.  The older we get the least likely we will do anything different.

A rebellious child isn't just going through puberty when he or she sees a parent frequently upset over the littlest of things, the individual is also witnessing an adult he or she loves unhappy too.  "Why take out your anger on me, because you aren't getting along with your man!" the child screams.  "I didn't want a father (mother)!  We were just fine until that person showed up!"  Now the offended parent wants to slap, kick, choke, and berate a child for his or her smart mouth.  "You don't screw this up for me!  You shut up!  After all I've done for you!"  the selfish parent yells.

The truth is hard to accept when things don't work out like one had hoped and planned regarding a relationship.  Why subject a child to abuse when one is being verbally and/or physically assaulted by a mate?  Why attempt to brainwash a child into believing "everything will be all right" when the truth is, things are only getting worse?  Why tell the child, "If it weren't for you, maybe things would be better"?  Even if children weren't in the picture, it doesn't mean a couple would get along.

The child isn't the one to blame when a parent chooses to cover up past personal issues while pursuing yet another dead-end relationship.  Put yourself in a kid's shoes for a moment.  Did he or she ask for love and happiness or pain and suffering for his or her parent and self?  Of course not!  So why use the child as a scapegoat?

"If only mom would stop taking her explosive temper out on me...I know why she is angry...it's that man she chose," a daughter thinks.  "Things would be so much different if dad would stop bringing these women into my life," a son says.

Think about it.  Bad relationship?  A child isn't to blame.  Not only does an abused woman or man go through much with a controlling, jealous, and angry partner, but throw in child abuse and now the victim has turned into an abuser toward a child.  How much is one's freedom really worth?  How much is a child's freedom worth?  An abuser isn't worth jail time or the cost of a relationship with one's child. 

Nicholl McGuire is the author of She's Crazy, Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men, When Mothers Cry, Say Goodbye to Dad, and other books.


God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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