Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

He seeks his next target. By the time he is finished with her... His demands will cause her to lose the makeup, change her hairstyle, and stop dressing so nicely. Stress ages the beautiful one. Power and control suffocates love. Peace is a dream. Then on to his next victim. "It didn't work...she was this, she was that..." Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men Too Much, Too Soon Internet Dating Blues by Nicholl McGuire

You learn from the best of them growing up.  You know how to get along with some of the most vicious people, both male and female, because you were trained by them.  But little do you know later in life that you just might end up in a relationship with someone who reminds you of the same people you grew up with or even yourself.  You don't consider yourself to be mean, cold, and hot-tempered like the one you attracted, but spend enough time with him or her, and they will test you in ways you thought you could never be tested! I realized my mistakes a long time ago, but I honestly hoped for the best over and over and over again with each man I dated.  I put off my guarded self, and was deceived into believing the lies of charming men.  The socially sweet and privately cruel ones I talk about in my non-fiction book.  I don't beat around the bush in that guide designed to strengthen women and cause them to be more discerning about all men.  We have got to do better parents/t

You didn't know that an abusive man had a demanding list inside his mind on what you were supposed to be to him, how you were to behave and what you were to provide if he did A, B, and C for you.  But you, like other women of his past, learned during yet another emotional argument when his nasty attitude showed up complete with name-calling and ugly thoughts were spit out. After the disputing, you might feel those familiar feelings once again regretting ever meeting the mean-spirited man. Repeated arrogant behaviors (i.e. claiming to be better, smarter, and having more than you) along with illogical fantasies will wreck havoc in the short and long term on the relationship and the victim's mind. Men, who are use to getting their way whether at home or elsewhere, believe they can have it all anytime they want, and wish to be adored by almost everyone they meet.  These kind of men (usually somewhat wealthy, once quite attractive or still may be, affluent, or highly-educated) p

He doesn't wear marriage and children. An Excerpt from Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men by Nicholl McGuire - Video Dailymotion

Not all abusive men will be able to continue swinging on their wives and children with fists and other things; instead, they will get older and slower.  Some of these aging men will or currently have heart, back, leg, and stomach trouble.  This is where things get tricky, because now a number of victims feel like they can fight back.  "After all these years, he's sick now...You can't fight me now!  You try to hurt me and I will get you in your weak leg...Crack you over the head," she thinks.  But hold on before you get confident and cocky, there are those abusers who have their gun collections, bats near beds, knives tucked away in drawers, and even loyal subjects on speed dial in case they need the police or someone to do their dirty work.  This is why some women should have left when they got a chance years ago, but since they want to stick around the game just got uglier with some abusive men who are getting older, meaner, and angrier especially those who can'

People lose their tempers and do stupid, cold-hearted, and crazy things while raging.  There are no excuses, no blame, or anything else that will cover up what happened.  A man or woman who loses control will reap what he or she sows.  This is why when you know that you have little time, patience and energy for relationships, don't get involved!  Simply tell the person, you can't handle being with someone intimately at this point in your life.  So now that someone is aware of your dark side, know that the relationship is really not what you think it is, it becomes nothing more than a cage for a victim.  You have captured her mind, body and spirit through a mixture of kindness and violence, shut the door of what you created for her (a cage/prison cell), and when you feel like showing affection, your version of love, and communication you give it to her.  Since the hit, slap, kick, choking, etc. here's what to expect: 1.  She will never be the girl you once knew. 2.  She

Laboring To Love An Abusive Mate: Not Ready To Leave Your Partner Even Though You Know You Should

It wasn't too long ago that many of us were reeling from the news of domestic violence involving singers Chris Brown and Rihanna. According to the Domestic Violence Resource Center, more than one million people, on average, are victims of domestic violence each year. The vast majority of victims are women, and if there is any hope to lessen domestic violence, it's important that we start educating our sons about it at an early age. This includes: 1. What Constitutes Domestic Violence. While many people think of domestic violence as a man consistently abusing a woman, we must help them understand that domestic violence is any violence which takes place amongst family members or those in an intimate relationship and that it can be a one time occurrence or continuous. 2. Respect For Women. Respect is the foundation of any healthy relationship. Men who have little respect for women can often get abusive when things go awry. We must continue to teach our sons that women are to be tr

As women, we have a bad habit of denying the truth that sits right in front of our eyes! When we aren't ready to accept what someone has told us or did to us, we try to ignore the signs. We talk ourselves out of what we see and hear from the man who has rejected us. We blame ourselves. We try to rationalize our man's past erratic behavior. Instead of being in denial, we need to come to terms with the truth that sits right between our eyes. If he says he doesn't love us -- accept it! If he says he doesn't want to live with us -- accept it! We, as women, have this twisted ideology about love. We try to reword what he is telling us to make us feel comfortable. We try to persuade him to change his mind. The reality is he meant what he said and he said what he meant. Now if he deviates from his script, we have to reason that he wants something from us, and unfortunately it usually is a night or two of sex. Then he is back to preaching how he doesn't want to be with you,

You may have heard a relative, friend or even yourself say, "But I love him..." when someone points out something wrong in your relationship and encourages you to break up with your partner. Usually people who say, "but I love him..." are really saying, "but I don't want to hurt his feelings or mine." You see, people like to put off pain for as long as they can. Sure, the girlfriend may have an abusive partner, and yes she is in plenty enough pain physically, but emotional pain is something different. If you are a mother you know that the physical pain you experience during childbirth is nothing compared to the emotional pain you feel when someone close to you dies. At least with childbirth, you have a chance to catch your breath between contractions, but when someone dies that ache lasts for some their entire lifetime! So when the abused woman says, "But I love him..." she isn't ready to let go, because to let go means that she will