Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Why do you tolerate a mean-spirited spouse?  Why do you live where you live?  Why do you react to a partner like you do?  Why do you treat children and grandchildren in the way that you do? Where did you receive your teachings on how to love, communicate, and care for another?  The answers to these questions and more can be found when you look back on the history of those who came before you. Drunks, adulterers, gamblers, addicts, pedophiles, abusers and more destroy families! Ancestry is not to be taken lightly it molds and shapes the present and the future with good, bad and ugly.  As much as we think we are filtering out the bad, we could very well be guilty of passing on some mess from the past without even knowing it! If one doesn't get things understood within and around his or herself, the person and his or her offspring will only infiltrate yet another generation of dysfunctional programming.  Careful what you say and...

The words are flying out of an angry lover or spouse's mouth as if boasting about failed relationships, dysfunctional relatives, and unsatisfying jobs is going to somehow make the individual look better or hurt the one who's listening.  Miserable partners do cast blame and twist failure around into what appears like success while wielding it as if it is a weapon.  This is usually done when the player, pimp or hustler type is caught in yet another lie, twisted truth, weird way of behaving, or downright abusive act. The user and/or abuser has got to corner you during battle launching a verbal attack.  He or she will accuse you of being wrong when you are sincerely right this time, the last and maybe the time before that.  Too much truth, wisdom, exposing, etc. and the angry man or woman viciously responds with, "You think you are better...You always want to be right!  You don...

Problems on top of problems is what I thought prior to writing this.  Some will add more drama to their personal lives without solving the problems that already exist.  Running from the problem at home is not going to make matters better.  Sure, for a few hours at the dinner table you drink and eat then spend some time watching TV and happy children playing, or you quietly whisper about a partner in the next room to a relative, but do you really plan on doing anything? A victim must be very selective when it comes to who he or she confides in.  The family gossip isn't going to help matters, an elderly person who is ill-equipped to handle stress isn't the least bit interested in being a good listener, and a parent or sibling who is worn out with story-telling isn't coming to your rescue if they too are in dysfunctional relationships.  Everyone just wants to have a good time.  The problem with that is people like this are unreliabl...

A controlling mom is not going to tell her son what he is doing to his partner is wrong unless she benefits in some way.  An abusive father, with a history of insulting and hitting his wife, is not going to encourage his son to stay in a miserable relationship unless he is somehow inconvenienced by his son's future actions.  A jealous sibling just might blame the victim, especially if he or she is the favorite, just so that the individual is not getting any attention from the parents.  Depending on how dysfunctional the family, a victim just might experience further harm from an abuser. A partner's side of the family might not be much support simply because they most likely saw some things about you that they didn't like.  The abusive son/brother/cousin can do no wrong.  They most likely have already been sold on your weakness and are trained to ignore your pleas for help.  Of course, it isn't appropriate to share negative things about one's partner with...

Families are maintained among believers in The Lord. Psalm 128:5 states "The LORD bless you from Zion". Zion is the city of God, but fathers in families take them there for worship (Hebrews 12:22). Families should be part of a spiritual maintenance program where they continually meet God to stay as one fully affirmed. Fixing America and all the toxicity in society starts in the home. Prosperity,love,honor, peace, and spiritual health are the extended rewards of a family under God. Leading by faith means doing all you can consistently to remain in God's provisions. I can testify on my behalf that I grew up in a very broken, emotional, penal, volatile, conflicted, and abusive environment from the time I was 6 until my parents split for 8 years and then for 3 years after they got back together. I paid for it socially and even in subconscious dream patterns psychologically with adverse desires which became my tailor made problems. I found myself for plenty of seasons making ...

It's All In the Family: Never Trust the Big Mouth in Your Family : When family members share, "I don't talk to her because...I don't come around because..."  There is good reason, most lik...

Everyone has to tip toe around her temperamental man.  She has brought much drama into the family when she got with him and people are angered with her because of it.  As the holidays fast approach, the couple has been arguing about money, family, and where to put a Christmas tree.  There is unnecessary chaos in the woman's home and it only got worse when he hit her, again! This is just a made-up scenario, but it happens, couples fighting over so many things and relatives and friends can only further complicate matters with, "She deserved it...you know how she can be.  Let's eat."  Abused women will be showing up at family gatherings everywhere trying to excuse yet another bruise for being "...my fault."  Well, don't buy into that one!  Ask yourself, "Why would a grown woman have black and blue marks on her face, hands, arms, stomach, back, or elsewhere and it was all her fault?"  Unless she fell down somewhere with no one around, then okay...

"I'm content...I love him.  We have our ups and downs, but we are doing better...He's a good guy," the abused wife/girfriend says. Stop lying! Most women are not going to reveal much about how they truly feel when it comes to their partner.  Maybe one or two people might know more than others, but for the most part, if the abused woman hates the very ground her mate walks on, then no one but Jesus truly knows. Deep anger, resentment, and evil thinking can be hard to detect if the abused woman is a great actress (some of you reading this are just that).  A smile, kind words, and thoughtful deeds for one's spouse are some of the things abused women will do so that those around them don't know what is really going on. Women who lie, steal, cover, and do other things for violent, angry men don't realize that they are enabling them to keep doing bad things to them and others.  They think they are saving themselves from yet another argument and beating, so...

A long line of abuse, mayhem, violence, and more in one's family history will contribute to challenging future decision-making if a child is not taught how to love.  Then when the child becomes an adult, he or she will find it difficult to break generational curses without the need of spiritual influence or something else that may or may not be good for one's soul. I thought of my personal family history and was sick to my stomach when I heard all the evil stories.  Women were treated like nothing more than cattle in my family.  They were pushed around, told where to go, and given tokens of attention, affection and material wealth if they earned it.  Be a good wife, you get rewarded.  Be a good woman, you might get to have the privilege of sleeping with a handsome man a second, or third time.  Who knows he might even stay and be a father to your future offspring--that is until the next young woman comes along?  Be dependant on a man an...

I am a suicide survivor. I am also a Christian. This article explains how anyone, but especially people of faith, can survive or help others to survive the tragedy of a suicidal death of a family member or close friend. My father committed suicide with an overdose of prescription medicine taken in conjunction with alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant that exacerbates suicidal tendencies in those who are prone to such self-destructive acts. I was 16 years old at the time. I was wrongly ashamed of my father’s suicide for most of my life. In fact, that feeling of shame is one of the great regrets of my life. With the combination of drugs and alcohol my dad might not have even intended to take his life. It could have been an accident. Their was no suicide note. He had no previous declaration of intent to commit suicide. The answer to that mystery we will never know. Still, officially his death certificate declared it a suicide. If someone asked how my father died, I would say that he died of a...

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don’t hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused ? Well think again because "ABUSE" is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women’s health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don’t hurt? If that holds true, then does it only become physical abuse when a bruised body part becomes obvious to others? Well, what about an emotionally abused person? Does it only become emotional abuse when you have started to believe what you’re told? Really there is no difference in how emotional and physical abuse affects the mind, body and spirit. Take t...

Have you or do you know someone who has been abused or been involved in an abusive relationship ? What is your definition of abuse? All of us know that physical violence is abuse. We also know there is emotional and mental abuse too, but do we know what it really is? What counts as abuse? I, myself have experienced physical, emotional, and mental abuse to different degrees. My family members and friends have suffered abuse from spouses and significant others, and in some cases even family members. If you slap someone, that is abuse, and we know that. If you tell someone to shut up, is that abuse? Is it the tone of your voice or the conviction in which you say it, do those things make it abuse? Name calling is definitely a form of abuse. Abuse breaks a person down bit by bit. Sometimes you don't make it back. Your self -esteem is gone, you become out of control yourselves, sometimes the victim becomes the abuser. Abuse will affect the way you look at yourselves and oth...

Could it Be That These Health Issues Contributed to Women Being Abusive Toward Men? "What did he do to cause her to hit him? He probably deserved it." "As big as he is and he is accusing her of being abusive?" "Why would he call the police on her?" This is just a sample of the many quotes that have been said about men who have been in violent relationships with their abusive wives and girlfriends. Women aren't the only victims when it comes to domestic violence, men have their share of stories too. "It takes two to tango," so the saying goes. And what the public rarely hears is his side of the story and if he chooses to share it, would we believe him anyway? Picture this, an irritable, emotional, hungry, wife with an emotional disorder that occurs two weeks out of every month. She doesn't seem to think her problem is serious. She barks out orders to her husband and children like a drill sergeant. She makes false accusations abo...

People define cheating differently. Some people define it as an emotional act as well as a physical act and others just define it as a physical act. That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently. So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play it's always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that. Although it's not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things. Truthfully, I believe that it's difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if you're unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way. Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. It's ...

What is your definition of love ? How do you determine whether a person loves you or not? Many people define love based on what they have witnessed their parents and other relatives say and do when it comes to love. Others may not have found what exactly love is amongst the people they know; therefore, they look toward books, movies, and music. Once they have found a definition of love they can agree with, they will show love in the way they feel most comfortable. Do you know what your mate's definition of love is and does it align with yours? The following information will help you assess your own definition of love, understand his meaning of love, and whether or not it is even worth staying in a relationship. What is your personal definition of love? In order to determine what is your personal definition of love, you will have to process what it is not. We all know that love is not a hot moment in bed, a thoughtful card, financial help, physical attributes and other action...

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate A 21-year-old woman’s diary to stay or go By Nicholl McGuire Education, popularity, and beauty couldn’t keep a college student from choosing a man who had a terrible secret. In this poetic story, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Nicholl McGuire tells of her struggle to stay or leave her abuser. Domestic violence reared its ugly head when Nicholl, a young college student, met a man ten years older back in 1996. In her first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate , Nicholl struggles with whether she should stay or leave her abuser in a series of poems that chronicle her hellish nine-month experience. Her roller coaster ride of emotions in the book provide valuable insight on the struggles abused women face when making a decision to help or escape their abusers. “This book isn’t for the woman who has already left the relationship,” Nicholl says. “Instead, it’s for the woman who is contemplating on leaving the relationship and the woman w...