He Doesn't Have to Hit You to Be Abusive

When most people think of abuse in a marriage, they naturally figure that the man is beating the woman (in some cases, the woman actually beats the man). Abuse does not always involve violence though. The greatest form of abuse that is experienced in a troubled marriage is verbal abuse.

What exactly is verbal abuse? It is hostile language that is specifically meant to demean and hurt the listener. Many, including the courts, take the side that it is harmless, but that's completely false. It can be just as dangerous as someone waving a knife in your face. This is because it is often a precursor to physical violence. Generally, someone doesn't just walk up to another person and start punching them for no reason. Everything begins with words.

Many people know there is no law against verbal abuse in the United States so it probably isn't considered a real problem. These people are wrong. Intense verbal abuse can cause a victim to have feelings of low self worth and low self esteem. Consequently, these people run the risk of falling into a clinical depression and suffering a post-traumatic stress disorder. These medical conditions sometimes have a lasting affect on the victim.

Since the law has no recourse against verbal abusers, what can victims do? Recognize that verbal abuse requires an abuser and a participator, the victim. If you want to stop the abuse, don't just sit there and listen; walk away. When you stay, the stronger the abuser feels, and his attacks may become more frequent and crueler. The best way to stop being a victim is to stop allowing someone to make you one.

For additional help, speak to a women's counselor or a trusted family member or friend. You deserve better than what you have now.
By Jayan B
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When He Hits You

This is some creepy deal. He says he loves you, yet he hits you and then you don't know what to make of it because you are head over heels in love with him. While some say 'If he hits you once, he will most definitely hit you again', others choose 'Not all physical altercation between lovers continues to re-occur'. Now you are stuck in the middle, having to decide. Its two ways actually, it's either, you walk away and never get to realize if the love would have grown better and he never would have hit you again, or you decide to stay in the relationship and meet your untimely death. Yeah! Real scary.

I happened to be in an abusive relationship once. And when I got out, I knew better than to ever think of going back. I guess I used to see the signs, but I just decided not to dwell on them. The fact that he was overtly jealous didn't give me cause for concern because I took it that he loved me so much, hence the high level of jealousy and possessiveness. It started one day, he saw me talking with an old friend, I could see the dark glances he kept casting my way but I chose not to jump to conclusions as I have always been accused of.

We got home, I was singing happily concluding the trip as fun, while unknown to me he was planning his next move. Before the door could hook up with its frame, I had a good slap to my face and it went on from there. As was expected, the romance began the next morning and flowers, cards, chocolates (my weakness) began to fly in my direction, coupled with well cemented professions of love, I was on board faster than I had dropped out.

A month later, he concluded I had lied to him and I took a kick to my rib as my punishment. As usual that is the beginning of the series. I knew I was in an abusive relationship and had to help myself before I was helped. Looking back now, I don't regret leaving that relationship because for all I know I might have been left for dead and you wouldn't have had the opportunity to read this article. You see!

Someone once told me, I think he hits me because he likes me. Even though I saw that as outright daft, I agreed with her, in fact when the like grows to love then he'll be checking you in and out of the hospital for broken ribs. Come on! How low could one's self esteem get? If a guy truly loves you, he will never hit you, he will never use profane words on you. Note my repetition of the word never. Drugs and drinks are just over used excuses to the behavior of a deranged man.

I for one, am of the school of thought that if he hits you once, then he is going to hit you again. The exception is if he seeks help. Slaps and kicks only begin the cycle called domestic violence. It will progress to something worse than that. Flee while you can. One time is too many a time. There might not be a doubt that he loves you but until he learns to put his anger under check, you cant be too close to him. He is like a dog who plays with his master this minute and in a flick of an eye, acts outraged.
Most women do not opt out because they do not have an option. Leaving a secured life for the unknown is not anyone's favorite. I've said my piece, a woman's gotta do what a woman's gotta do.

By Tricia Ikponmwonba



Laboring to Love People

After an abusive situation, sometimes people find that it is very hard to trust anyone including relatives and dear friends. Nicholl McGuire, Author of Laboring to Love Myself, shares her experience. Read more here: Laboring to Love People: Excerpt from Laboring to Love Myself


Teen Dating Violence And Abuse

Violent and abusive relationships can happen in any age group; however, teens face a unique set of challenges. Young teens may not know who to turn to get help or may think their mate’s jealousy and possessiveness are just more signs of “true love.” Teenage dating is not always an innocent phase of life just before adulthood. It can even turn deadly. Many times violence is after a break up in a relationship that was not previously violent. It is estimated that more 10 percent of teens nationwide are in a dating violence situation.

What should a teen do if he or she feels they are in an abusive relationship or is thinking of leaving a violent mate? You should seek help from a trusted adult or a domestic-violence group.

Each case is different. In some cases you may need to get an order of protection. In other cases it may be enough to just break up the relationship. Because of a teen’s age and inexperience it may be harder than adults to recognize the warning signs of abuse. Teens often also misinterpret warning signs of dating violence which includes jealousy, possessiveness, and sexual pressure as signs of love rather than warnings signs of abuse. A little bit of jealousy especially in the beginning of relationships is usually normal. If that jealousy turns into attempts to control and manipulate person violence, it can get very dangerous.

Abusive jealousy may start with little things such as a mate forbidding you to see friends alone or becoming angry at certain kinds of clothing you wear, hiding car keys so you cannot leave. All these things are warning signs that does not mean the other person loves you, but the other person is not reacting normally toward you in the relationship and you probably should just move onto someone else or just out of that particular relationship.

Messages can be confusing for teens especially. A mate may surprise you with flowers and beautifully written love notes, while at the same time, if he or she is upset at you for visiting friends alone or is hiding your car keys so you cannot leave, stop accepting the flowers and the notes, the relationship is not worth continuing on with.

It is common for teenage victims of dating violence and abuse to keep the problem from their parents. They fear if they tell the parents, the parents will demand a separation. Most teenage victims of dating abuse do not want this to happen. They keep hoping for the magical “something” to get back to when the relationship was good and continue to endure the abuse, sometimes until it too late.

More and more high schools are giving frequent presentations to teens. This has helped teens to see the warning signs of dating violence and abuse. Many teens will then come forth with their own stories, which can result in referrals to school counselors for further advice and instructions about their situations.

It is not always the girls who are being abused in teen dating relationships. Females are more likely to be the victims of teen dating violence, but they also can be the perpetrators. Anyone can be controlling and manipulative to the point of violence.

If you are a victim of teen dating violence and abuse and cannot tell your parents or do not want to tell your parents, at least talk to another trusted adult or school counselors about your problem. There are also hotlines set up in every locality for domestic violence that anyone can call and get help. These lines are usually 24-hour hotlines, which mean if you find yourself in a violent situation in the middle of the night, you can find help through these lines. If you find yourself in an emergency, do not hesitate to call local 911 emergency services. It could save your life. Once you are clear of the situation, you can look back and see how unproductive the relationship really was and keep moving until you find a mate who does not live his or her life just to control and manipulate your life.

Connie Limon Visit us at http://smalldogs2.com/DatingArticles for an extensive list of FREE reprint articles all about dating.


Prescription Painkiller Abuse and Addiction - Warning Signs and How to Seek Help

Prescription drugs are the second most commonly used drugs in America, just behind marijuana, yet they are far more dangerous and highly addictive. People believe they are safe because they are legal with a prescription, but they do not realize that they are putting themselves in severe physical and psychological danger by taking prescription drugs.

Narcotics are the most commonly abused prescription drugs and include painkillers like Vicodin, Oxycontin, Darvocet, Percocet, and Hydrocodone. They are prescribed to treat moderate to severe pain for post-op treatment, illness, and injuries. But the problem is, these drugs were designed to relieve pain temporarily. Once the painkiller effects wear off, a person will need to take another dose to feel relief, and then another, and then another.

Pretty soon, the prescription or prescriptions run out, but there is still pain - either physical or emotional. The person begins to experience withdrawal symptoms, which can cause even more pain, making for a very uncomfortable experience. So what does this person do? Try to get more, in whatever fashion necessary. If the doctor won't prescribe it, the person can find it elsewhere with a few clicks online, or from a friend. Once the drug is in hand, problem solved...or not?

Most people who have an addiction or physical dependence on prescription drugs don't use illegal drugs like ecstasy or heroin, so they don't recognize the warning signs that they have a problem. They are often working professionals with children. They suffered some type of injury on the job or at home, and their pain is very real, so real that while the doctor's prescription has run out, their bodies crave some sort of way to alleviate pain.

When their bodies don't have relief, they begin to experience even more severe pain in their muscles and bones, muscle spasms, depression, anxiety, tremors, severe mood swings, profuse sweating, chills, fever, flu-like symptoms, and even hallucinations. It can be very frightening for both the person experience these withdrawal symptoms and their loved ones.

Does this sound like you or someone you love?

Often times, chemical dependency is something a person cannot control, yet they are scared to get help. Prescription painkiller abuse treatment can help those suffering from chemical dependency by helping develop coping mechanisms when urges become difficult to control, and to help alleviate the physical symptoms of withdrawal with medication.

Entering into a prescription painkiller abuse treatment program can be scary for many people, especially those who have never used illegal drugs before. This is where specialized treatment is available, and medical treatment can be given, if necessary, to help alleviate withdrawal symptoms, which is used for things like Oxycontin addiction treatment and Vicodin addiction treatment.

The important thing to remember is that often times these addictions are an involuntary response by the body so a person should not sit in judgment of themselves, nor should others. Healing can only begin with acceptance, which is often the most difficult part of the recovery process altogether.

God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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