Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

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Love and Stockholm Syndrome: The Mystery of Loving an Abuser - MHM: Relationships

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the frying pan to the fire on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize. I lived systemic abuse; I write about it, I know it from the core of my being. But, I never understood it so thoroughly until I was asked to explain it to someone whose life was altered dramatically by it. What is “systemic abuse?” The word “systemic” is defined as “relating to or referring to the whole organism.” I liken systemic abuse to any systemic disease. It erodes the very elements that sustain the organism. Systemic abuse, as I see it, is the manifestation of abuse by that deemed to protect the abused. The net result: the perpetuation of domestic violence by the very systems that purport to stop it. Survivors of domestic abuse far too often meet systemic abuse face-to-face in their efforts to seek safety from an abusive partner. She can be the defend...

I am a suicide survivor. I am also a Christian. This article explains how anyone, but especially people of faith, can survive or help others to survive the tragedy of a suicidal death of a family member or close friend. My father committed suicide with an overdose of prescription medicine taken in conjunction with alcohol. Alcohol is a depressant that exacerbates suicidal tendencies in those who are prone to such self-destructive acts. I was 16 years old at the time. I was wrongly ashamed of my father’s suicide for most of my life. In fact, that feeling of shame is one of the great regrets of my life. With the combination of drugs and alcohol my dad might not have even intended to take his life. It could have been an accident. Their was no suicide note. He had no previous declaration of intent to commit suicide. The answer to that mystery we will never know. Still, officially his death certificate declared it a suicide. If someone asked how my father died, I would say that he died of a...

Like many others, I have been through my share of low moments in my life so far including emotional abuse when I was young as well as the loss of my mother due to suicide. However, despite these major adversities, I never suffered from clinical depression and I'll probably never really know the exactly why I was spared from this common mental health condition either. Was it because of a unique biochemistry in my head? Was it my attitude? Or was it because of certain actions I took? I'm very much aware that there are many people out there who are not so fortunate. I have had friends, relatives and significant others who suffered from clinical depression. And of course, there was my own mother who basically lost her battle against a severe case. So even though I have not personally suffered from clinical depression, I have had a front row seat to it many times to know that this is real. One thing that I have personally noticed with many people who are depressed is that they are n...