ENCORE: Jezebel and Ahab - Tag Team: a husband and wife who wickedly deals with ...

In a Difficult Relationship? Sharing Your Blues with Family? Can They Really Help?

Problems on top of problems is what I thought prior to writing this.  Some will add more drama to their personal lives without solving the problems that already exist.  Running from the problem at home is not going to make matters better.  Sure, for a few hours at the dinner table you drink and eat then spend some time watching TV and happy children playing, or you quietly whisper about a partner in the next room to a relative, but do you really plan on doing anything?

A victim must be very selective when it comes to who he or she confides in.  The family gossip isn't going to help matters, an elderly person who is ill-equipped to handle stress isn't the least bit interested in being a good listener, and a parent or sibling who is worn out with story-telling isn't coming to your rescue if they too are in dysfunctional relationships.  Everyone just wants to have a good time.  The problem with that is people like this are unreliable.

Sometimes hanging out with relatives helps ease tension for awhile, but depending on how they really feel about a relative and his or her partner the connection might make matters worse.

Plan your exit strategy not another dinner party or family visit.  Plan ways to save money not spend it on things like: vacations, more toys for the children, and stocking up on more items than you need.  Make the kind of decisions that will improve your self and in time you will experience true freedom!

Nicholl McGuire also shares her work on Dating Advice, Relationship Problems.


Welcome to a Blog of Real Life Stories, Pain and Advice on Breaking Free from Toxic Partners

They are angry, bitter, abusive and will blame their victims for any and everything that goes on in their lives.  You might be the closest one to them, you love and stand by them, but how much can you take?  These are abusive people who we love.

For years, the Laboring to has provided resources, tips and interviews to people who are just like you looking for a bit of peace of mind when it comes to loving someone who acts unlovable.  We labor to love abusive people and we pay the price too for doing so!  So if you feel at your wits end, do scroll around this site for helpful information related to your abusive experiences or someone else's.

For the latest postings, do subscribe to this blog.  If you are a business or group benefiting from this work, we ask that you assist us by donating generously to Nicholl McGuire Media.  Since 2007, we have cherry-picked some of the best and most useful information to help abused individuals break free from toxic relationships and have made much of our material offline free from time to time as well.  We have given the books Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself to homeless shelters, colleges, and individuals on the street.  Your generosity would be greatly appreciated, click here to make a donation.  We are a for-profit business.

Thank you for visiting, do subscribe today!

Woman Beats Her Fiance - Jeremy Kyle Show - Domestic Violence

Can't Explain - the Evil of Parental Alienation


After the Argument: 10 Things You Can Do

You felt like you lost the battle.  You didn't feel heard, weren't respected, and there was no solution and/or agreement provided, now what?  Well, you can't force someone to go along with you if he or she is not open to receiving what you say no matter how valuable you think your insight might be in helping matters.  So what now?

1.  Find out what you can do to provide peace of mind for you.  Ask yourself, "How can I best manage the situation/problem on my end?'

2.  Be prepared for any backlash, because you took matters into your own hands. Have a list of reasons ready, proof, and anything else you need if your partner should confront you later. (Note: if you fear he or she will abuse you, contact police station.  An officer can show up to your residence without it being an emergency just state what your concerns are when you call).

3.  Know yourself and how long and how much you are willing to deal with when it comes to a difficult partner.

4.  Manage your time better and learn to do things without him or her i.e.) holiday events.

5.  Plan your life and do what makes you happy i.e.) relocation, counseling, new job, car, etc.

6.  Continue to treat your partner with respect, but draw the line when things get out of hand again. Say things like, "I will not stand here and let you insult me.  I will listen to you, but I will stop and walk away if I feel threatened, nervous or fearful.  If you don't take a moment to hear what I have to say, you leave me with no choice but to end this discussion.  We can talk again after dinner or tomorrow after breakfast."

7.  Write a letter to yourself expressing how you truly feel and what you want in the future.

8.  Prepare a letter to give to your partner if you feel you both just can't talk openly about things.

9.  Spend some time away from him or her.

10.  Send children to relatives or elsewhere so that you both can handle pending tasks, converse, plan for the future, etc.

If you are planning to break up, your safety is top priority, so be sure you don't attempt to end a relationship with someone violent when no one is around.  Go to a public location and do not go back home with him or her after you share the news.  Plan to remove all important things from home prior to your announcement.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.  Say a prayer for this author and others on this site.  Delivering enlightening messages to help free others, at times puts messengers at risk spiritually and physically.  God bless.


Some Relationships Just Aren't Meant to Be: A Personal Experience

After listening to that voicemail over and over again, I couldn't believe that the man who claimed he loved me would stoop so low. He knew what the relationship deal breaker was from the start, and that was cheating. Yet, he did it anyway. Her voice was soft, inviting and she looked forward to seeing him again.

When I approached him with my discovery, his face looked sad, angry, and confused all at the same time. The red, round face barked about why was I looking in his things and went into denial about not being with her when he was supposed to be out grocery shopping. Funny, that day in question, he only returned with a few items.

After yelling and crying much, I lost my footing and let the wall catch my back as I slipped slowly onto my behind. My head was bent, face in hands and so was my heart. In between sobs, I managed to get out, "This is over, I am leaving and I'm taking the baby too!" You think he would have objected after years spent together and we shared a son. But he didn't. A tear slipped from one of his eyes as he walked out the room.

Problem solved for him, I and baby were leaving and he could have his fun. So the drama ended, right? No. I moved out with fussy baby in tote in the middle of January 2000 on a zero below day with the help of family. Back to my childhood home, the place I didn't want to return to because the people there would say, "I told you so. He wasn't any good...I could see it."

After a few months of shuffling baby back and forth between mean glares, quick retorts, and grabbing baby stuff, my ex and I were slowly getting over the past. Our cordial sides were emerging and we actually smiled again at one another. One day, I was shocked when he gave me a hug and apologized. He was still "my ex," at least so I had thought, I was dating and so was he. "He was longer my type...not for me," I told others.

Something eventually softened within, okay so it was my heart. Before long we were dating, making love passionately and uh oh, another baby on the way! He promised me that things would be different this time. We expressed how we didn't make time for one another since the first baby's arrival and how much we still loved each other.

Less than a year after our separation, we looked for and engagement and wedding rings, then set a date and got married. But it wouldn't be long before old demons would come out of the shadows again. Yet, we remained committed for almost eight years with a few more make up to break up scenarios in between before the relationship ended in divorce.

The ride together was exciting, fun, and also very hurtful. Through our pain, we discovered that when something isn't meant to be, no matter how much wishful thinking, prayer, and niceties, it just isn't meant.
Nicholl McGuire is the author Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books. 

Dysfunction and Deceit - When Light Exposes Darkness - Family Issues


How To Leave A Narcissist--Minimizing The Pain

Lisa A. Romano is a Breakthrough Life Coach who specializes in helping people heal their childhood programming. If you have been raised by alcoholics, narcissists, or if you are struggling with codependency, and have been attracting narcissists into your life these videos will help you unravel the dysfunctional beliefs that are holding you back.

For professional inquires;


On Making a Psychopath Go Away - The Gray Rock Method

Have you ever been given the advice to act boring, look unattractive, and rid yourself of the things you know your abusive partner likes prior to ending a relationship?  Well if you haven't, let me introduce you to yet another effective method for some people in bad relationships who know full well they are with psychopaths.  Many abusers are attracted to nice, seemingly caring people who are beautiful, generous, and own quality things (or if they know you might get something useful in the future they just might stick around).  But what if you recreate your reality to push your mean-spirited partner out the door?  What if you were dull, not helpful, quiet, non-responsive, don't react to just might get "Trouble" to go away.  Learn about the The Gray Rock Method of Dealing With Psychopaths. 


Thinking About Divorce?

You are left with no alternative when staying in a relationship with someone who continues to bring you down on a daily basis.  No matter how much you talk, buy gifts, prepare good meals, respond to his or her needs, scream, cry, moan, complain, or threaten, an abusive mate isn't the least bit interested in changing.  Sure, he or she will make promises and temporarily act on them while you go along for a time, but the elephant is still in the room and no one is doing anything about it.  What now?  It is only natural to want out of a situation that makes you feel like you are "useless, a nag, b*tch, trouble, crazy" or whatever else an abusive partner has labeled you. 

Check out this writing by Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men author Nicholl McGuire.  This work is for both men and women laboring to love the un-loveable.  Thinking About Divorce A Lot?  How Bad Is It?


Work Call-offs, Excuses, and Hiding the Pain Within

She smiles at her neighbors, makes small talk with co-workers, and works hard to be nice to family members, but inside she is a wreck.  He tells people how great he feels, how well his family is doing and how proud he is of them, while carrying around past offenses.  Both are unhappy, but they will never tell you.

When I was in abusive situations (mental and physical), then later getting married for the first time, I wore a bright smile despite much of the pain I was going through inside.  I laughed with people, made jokes, carried myself in positive ways, that unless you knew me very well, you wouldn't know I was in pain.  I was often angry inside, because I couldn't make troubled partners behave.  I detected that there was something wrong with them, me and what we called a "relationship," but I felt so helpless.  So I masked the ugly stuff I was feeling inside with shopping, pretty makeup and eye-catching hairstyles.  When chatting with others about my issues, there was never enough time to express what was on my heavy heart.  Besides, the more you talk, the more people want you to "get over it" and "quit talking about it" especially if they have heard your problems a thousand times already and you still have yet to do anything about them.

I recall those work call-offs like it was yesterday.  There wasn't too many, but those personal days I did take, I was up to my eye balls in personal stress.  Those days did provide some eye-opening moments for me and I recognized that change was imminent.  The job was the only thing at times that made me feel happy, important and appreciated.  But at home, was quite a different story.  I could manage work, but not the men who was always up to something.  From lying about their whereabouts to what they did with their money while looking in my wallet, the disputing was tiresome and oftentimes unproductive.  As stress increased, so would health woes.  Who wants to have sex or much else when you are unhappy?  That too gets old!  So rather than problem solve, one cheats, another creeps seeking a replacement, and another shuts down sexually too.

Sooner or later you can't cover up your disappointments with partners much longer and the ever-popular statement of, "But I love him..." becomes annoying to family and friends who can clearly see you are not the happy woman (or man) you once were, so carefree, patient and kind.  But you make excuses for every negative that someone notices about you.  Meanwhile, the images pop in your mind of an angry mate, date, or lover that has hurt you once again, but you know better not to share certain information again about your bad relationship with some critical relatives and friends.  You know what they will say, "Admit it, you made the wrong decision dating/marrying him, now what are you going to do about it?"

Hiding pain is what many victims learn to master at least for quite awhile until they have a series of health challenges, mental breakdowns and the like.  Now everyone knows their business.  You can run, but you can't hide.  You can lie, make excuses, take personal days off, shop, eat much, or eat little, but the real issue is with that one you live with.  Blame anyone you want outside the home, but perceptive people know the truth, because chances are they are either in a similar situation or have been there and done that and aren't the least bit interested going down that destructive path again with you.

Pain is a great teacher when nothing else seems to work for those who insist on laboring to love someone who doesn't love back, but hurts whoever or whatever is in his or her path.  From cheating to drunkenness, an abusive man or woman is the end all to what little self esteem you have left, peace, patience, and love. 

Woe to the next person who meets a victim who has yet to heal from his or her broken past.

Nicholl McGuire


Drinking Too Much Excuses, Lying, Cheating - Abuse is Abuse - No Denying, Justifying

How many times does one excuse unacceptable behaviors before realizing that he or she is living a lie?  Persuading his or herself into thinking, "No he didn't just do that...My kid is just exaggerating...No, it really wasn't that bad...Things will be okay.  She really means well."  Really?

Let's go over last night, the night before, or maybe a month ago.  What happened?  What did your partner say and what did you do about an abusive episode, a screaming match, cheating, drinking, etc.?  How do you now feel since "it" occurred?  Have you talked about anything and come to any solution as of yet?  Should you and/or children even be around this person?

Cast aside your partner's explanation for whatever that bad something was, religious or secret group views, what parents and others say, what is the truth that you know?  Deep within you know something isn't or wasn't right, so why act as if all is okay and you and/or children will just get over it?

The mental sickness is spreading like wildfire when we sit back and reason away nasty, sinful, ugly, downright mean-spirited things.  You are headed toward a dangerous place in your mind and are recruiting future victims when you explain away or ignore ugly things.  Consider how many men and women are in jail on assault charges, others sentenced to life for murders committed, and the list goes on because someone kept allowing things to go on until one day there was no more denying evil.

People drink, do drugs, and act wild while sending their minds to places they thought they could never go.  They lie, cheat, use and abuse even when they aren't getting high.  They pretend as if everything is alright in the dark places of their minds, when they know they aren't mentally stable, yet family members and exes are supposedly the crazy ones!?  Unfortunate people connect with these delusional folks and end up taking their abuse.

Abuse is abuse and there is no denying and justifying despicable events whether in the past or presently ongoing.  Many guilt-ridden people are in churches across our land following a day, week or month long of craziness hoping to escape a righteous God's judgments, but to no avail, one reaps what he or she has sown. 

There is a harvest awaiting the believers who honestly want to live right and teach children well.  If you are one, then continue to fast and pray, your freedom will be here before you know it, embrace it!  But for others, use common sense, if it's wrong it's wrong, listen to truth, don't deny it!

Nicholl McGuire shares thought-provoking spiritual wisdom here.
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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