Tuesday

Emotional Abuse: From Mentally Stable to Insane - Six Things You Might Be Doing

Before you met that man you call your boyfriend, lover, partner, or husband, you had a simple life.  You could manage it.  There wasn't much happening and you actually smiled more than frowned.  But these days, it becomes increasingly challenging to smile, laugh at his jokes, or even be in the same room with him.  For some of you, you feel like a part of you is a tad bit crazy, insane, or a bit weird since meeting your partner.  You're not alone. 


Do you find yourself doing any of the following?


1.  Worried much about things like: whether he is telling you the truth or not, seeing someone else, or doing something he knows you don't like.  He is often quiet, beating around the bush when you confront him, ignores you, argues, or jokes.


2.  Looking through his things while your stomach and head aches. You are concerned about what more you might find.


3.  Thinking far too much about what he does when you aren't around him.  You hope to catch him in yet another lie.  But if you do, what would you do about it?  Most likely, nothing but argue.


4.  Talk too frequently about the things he says and does to you: good, bad and otherwise to others.  Do they really care?  Be sure you choose the people in your network that will actually do something to help.


5.  Lose sleep, appetite, money, time, and other things because you care too much about what he thinks or doesn't think of you.


6.  You wish evil on him when he wrongs you and contemplate much on how you can get even for the pain he has caused you.  You will want to create an exit strategy pronto, before you do something that he or you might later regret!


Welcome to the insane world of the many victims who have spent many months thinking, planning, worrying, and talking about someone they wish they never met.  Some are pregnant by the men they don't trust.  Others have made major purchases with them they wish they hadn't.  Then there are those who met these men when they were down and out and now they are beginning to see the light.  Is it worth staying my friend?  Is it?


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual wisdom on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.
 

Sunday

Why You Attract Narcissists! Dr. Sam


Between 6 p.m. and 6 a.m. When Some Troubled Couples Fight

You don't suspect anything when you pass some couples on the street, stand behind them in lines, or sit near them at restaurants, but it won't be long now before they will be fighting.

Oftentimes the conflict starts as a result of outside influences.  Some single women don't think twice before they are flirting with a man who is obviously in a relationship.  Consider this, the woman standing or sitting next to him might be a victim or an abuser and she is watching.  But silly, desperate women could care less until the couple's issues become theirs.  Then there are those additional irritations between couples like:  being hungry, sitting in traffic, busy-body relatives who don't know when to shut up, differing opinions, and annoying children.

It isn't long before one or both are at the point in their minds when they just can't take much else. Most of us would eat something, go to bed, get out the home, or talk to someone on the phone. However, some couples find release in verbally and physically fighting one another.

According to an article on DoSomething.org entitled,11 Facts About Domestic And Dating Violence, between the hours of 6 p.m. and 6 a.m. domestic violence is most likely to take place.  People are getting off work,  returning home from visiting relatives all day, shopping, performing chores and errands, and it doesn't take much to set off someone who is already emotionally unstable.

If you or someone you know is often complaining about a partner being angry and taking his or her rage out on them, you might want to think about what the back up plan might be if things go from bad to worse.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7   

Friday

He Who Holds the Purse Strings Holds the Power

When abused women of decades past advised their married daughters to have separate bank accounts, they didn't advise this because they wanted to ruin marriages; rather they knew the kind of men their daughters were involved with and the chances their relationships might be good in the long-term was highly unlikely.  Men with much or little money that don't allow wives any access, not even a peak at their bank statements, do indeed hold the power.  Their worries over what their wives might do with their finances is irrelevant here.  To stay on point, this blog entry relates to husbands with money controlling wives who don't have any unless they choose to give them some.

Some of these controlling husbands, boyfriends, or lovers don't want their women to work.  They will either sweet-talk the women into avoiding employment, change employment or quit a job especially if there are too many of the opposite sex, pout about their wives' choice, give their women the silent treatment when they mention work, or verbal and/or physical abuse their partners if they should talk about accepting a job offer.  There is indeed something wrong with the man who does these things to his wife.  She should feel support from her mate not emotional or physical abuse whether she stays home or works outside of it, but some men are more concerned about getting their way and less concerned about how their partners feel.

Telling a partner what you bought, how much you spent, and how your money is yours and he or she can't tell you anything about it is not only cruel, but sooner or later you will pay for your verbal insults.  Many men and women are unemployed, make less money, and can't afford the luxuries they once had because they used money to control others.

"Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall," according to Proverbs 16:18,  An abusive man or woman is typically nonspiritual and doesn't care about wisdom or spiritual things.  But to the one who is in a situation where a man or woman equates his or her amount of wealth to a god status, just know it is only a matter of time that what goes up will come down.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Tuesday

Hateful Speech, Name-Calling Should Be an End All But It Isn't - Abusive Partners

An abusive man or woman who hates any and everyone should be like an annoying fly, you should want to avoid it or rid yourself of the noise.  But so many men and women stick it out with their name-calling partners, prejudice lovers, and hateful spouses.

When you hear a person talking meanly about others, it should be a red flag to get away from him or her early on.  However, what happens is many dating singles will ignore the hate.  The attractive partner and all that comes with him or her becomes more important than how he or she might potentially treat you in the future.

It is safe to say that the day a man or woman calls you out of your name or argues about hating a certain ethnicity, gender, etc., is the day that you have to draw a line in the sand.  If you don't, then it is only a matter of time that you will be the victim laboring to love an abusive mate.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7

Monday

Male Privilege - The Master of The Castle

Many of us have witnessed how certain women in our families behaved around their partners.  These men were the kings of their castles, so to speak.  Meanwhile, the women acted like servants or slaves to their mates.  The controlling men made the important decisions and told their women what to say and do to them and around others.  Any woman who violated "the rules" dealt with emotional and possible physical abuse.  A threatening stare, a raised tone of voice, or an item slammed by her husband/boyfriend and the nervous woman was quickly put in check whether in front of her family or elsewhere.

This is why many of us have had difficult relationships with the opposite sex over the years--I'm a witness, because we refused to be treated like those women who went before us.  However, some of us also fell into the same trap by being tricked into being with controlling men.  They were clever in how they went about courting us until we got to know them and the newness wore off.  For some of you young women, be careful what you say you "...won't do" or "...will not put up with," because life has a way of dealing you out a familiar deck of cards especially if controlling men are often around you.

These men that believe they reign supreme over others, god-like, and believe that their money and material wealth is all that matters in life, usually find themselves alone in old age, unhappy, or prematurely put in their graves because of their misdeeds.  Just like the women, men will meet their Maker one day sooner or later.

I think of the many abusive men that were deemed by relatives and friends as so-called "strong" I came across in life.  But these men weren't really strong, they had issues, deeply ingrained disturbing mental problems that they covered up with charm and eating and dressing well.

Having reflected on the past, I can't help but feel at peace knowing that justice was served with some of these mean-spirited men.  Many of their mistreated partners out-lived them and were finally able to live freely long after they were gone.  Others that didn't continue to walk this earth are now resting in peace no longer having to put up and shut up.

Any single woman dating someone she suspects is controlling, please know that once you hand over your last name to a master of his castle type, he doesn't see you as a woman, he sees you as another piece of property he can manage, maintain, put in its place, and control.  He will say things like, "I don't like it when you...you should...Stay away from...Why do you talk to...It bothers me when you go there...I don't like your hair...I don't like your clothes...Stay with me...I miss you when you're gone..Do this...Help me with that...I need you...This is my house, my car, my money!"  Notice everything is about him.  Now try talking to him about your needs and see if he will step up to the plate and do what you ask?  Does a partner give you lots of attitude, makes excuses, rolls his eyes, deep sighs, argues with you, gives you the silent treatment, or pouts?

Men who believe they are kings in their homes, don't move unless they feel like it and everyone around them must act according to their commands, feelings, etc.  These "kings" are the ones who get the best piece of meat, their special treats, the most expensive gifts, quality living whether he pays for it or his partner does, and more.  These selfish men may give out small handouts in an effort to get needs met while saving them much money and time.  Their requests usually far exceed what they are willing to give in return.

Kings don't like to be talked to unless there are some personal benefits received.  Kings don't like to work too hard, they prefer to delegate responsibilities.  Kings don't feel they need to build any alliances, they prefer people come to them, but if they are left with no choice, they might attend an event or two to appear as if they and family are doing well.  And so, this is the life that a woman who validates the Master of his Castle has to put up with in exchange for her basic needs being met by him.

Don't think that the "old school" lifestyle went away with the feminist movement, because it hasn't! Say a prayer for those you know and don't know who live like this.

Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Friday

When the Abused Still Loves Her Abuser

He disrespected her by having sex with yet another woman.  To add insult to injury, when he was found out, her partner gave her a verbal tongue lashing.  Once he broke her down to tears, between her sobs, she tried to tell the cheater how she felt.  He grew weary of her yelling and that is when he hit her followed by choking.  He threatened to kill her if she kept mentioning the cheating.  Less than a week later, she said she still loved him.  What!?


This is the life of an abused girlfriend, mistress or wife.  After news cameras are shut off, police are gone and her support system has left her alone in her hospital bed, life goes on and for many of these women, they are back to playing the role of victim.  The abused will tell you that, "He is sorry" that "You don't understand, he loves me!"  Those on the outside looking in will never understand unless they "have been there and done that."  How can someone still love a person who wanted him or her dead?


Forgiveness comes easy to the person that hasn't allowed bitterness to take root in his or her heart.  Take this concept and combine it with fear, worry, and other negative emotions and the abused leaves his or herself with no choice but to stay in the entangled web of on again, off again love.


An abused woman knows if she becomes angry with her mate to the point of no return, she will indeed lose her mind!  Somewhere within, she convinces herself she can still love him even when she should hate him and remain in that space.  But her anger with him comes and goes and when concerned relatives and friends check in with her, she is back to being "Okay...We are working things out...Don't worry about me...I still love him."  It is a process for her to see that the anger is actually a healthy way to help her get over her abuser, which for some women, they simply aren't ready to do no matter what their mean men have done to them.


The victim's heart is compassionate, she keeps hoping her partner will get some help and that things will get better.  She sincerely wants to be a part of her abuser's journey toward healing.  The victim sincerely believes if she doesn't stand by her man, then she is a failure.  She doesn't want to feel any guilt for leaving him when he is down.  If others have been unsupportive about the relationship, she believes she must prove the naysayers wrong.   But the truth is, that an abusive man will never feel the need to get any help when people around him are making excuses for him and accepting his apologies.  For he has learned that a simple apology and a smile will get him out of almost anything.  His conscience whispers, "Lay it on thick, buy her a ring, propose to her, tell her that you love her, cry, beg, plead, help her family...do whatever you can so that you don't lose her or your freedom."  He will use these tactics and more over and over again as long as they work.  Sooner or later, he will come to the realization that he too is sick.


Sometimes the only way the abused or abuser can see that he or she is mentally ill is when something horrific happens!  If the abused is honest with her feelings, she will later learn that what she thought was love for her abuser was really pity.   Most likely during the early part of the courtship, the na├»ve woman felt sorry for her controlling man and connected with his sad childhood stories.  Her heart opens up and before long she thinks, "What can I do to help this poor man?"  She experiences a myriad of emotions when in the man's presence such as: a pounding heart, fluttering stomach, pity, a need to help him with any and everything, and of course love.  But sometimes pity overrides love.  Pity has a way of distracting us from the wrong within us.  If we don't love anything about ourselves, we have a way of taking a love we should have and redirecting it on people who are undeserving.  Sometimes we misconstrue love for pity.


The abused doesn't love herself much, because if she did, she wouldn't allow someone to repeatedly emotionally and physically wound her.  So when you hear a victim say, "I still love him," know that her mind and spirit are deeply wounded as a result of the abuse she has incurred.  What she is really saying is, "I still pity him."  Consider this, if she feels this way, if she does get away from him, she will most likely return back into his arms even at the risk of her life and possibly children's lives.


What family, friends and the police can do is talk to her, show the poor woman some examples of what healthy love is, share photos of what unhealthy so-called love looks like,  and do the best they can to be "personal psychics" for her predicting what her bleak future might look like if she keeps returning to her abuser.


Nicholl wrote Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

Sunday

Mean, Impatient Boyfriend, Spouse

Another week has gone by and you made it, still alive and breathing, but for how long?  Some of you have been under intense emotional and physical stress and see no light at the end of the tunnel.  But there is hope, you can change your mindset way before your feet do any walking.  How might you do that?  Well, for starters stop making excuses for the controlling man's behavior.

I know you love this person and really want things to be different.  But mean and impatient people, like your partner, will prove over and over again that they have no intention of changing.  They will place blame, lie, cover-up actions, and pretend as if nothing is wrong in public.  You can take control of the relationship gradually by empowering yourself.  What is it that you want to do with your life?

Thinking of the pros and cons in a mean boyfriend and spouse will only trick your mind into thinking you are with someone who is a good person.  You know different.  Sure, there are those "good" times when he is doing right by you, but those moments are just what they are, moments in time.  Be honest with yourself, you made a bad choice in a partner and you feel miserable around him.  Now you will need to start redirecting your focus.

This mean-spirited person will detect a change in you as you surround yourself with positive people, places and things.  Before long, he will be critical of your new circle and you.  Don't give into his pressure!  So many abused women will do just that, and find themselves back into their locked cages with their abusive partners while making excuses, "I really didn't hit it off with them...they were nice people, I guess but...My boyfriend said he heard...I don't think I really want to go there anymore."

A mean boyfriend or spouse needs someone who is willing to take his abuse.  If you are the punching bag, he is going to use you when the world seems too stressful for him to bear.  Like a toddler with a temper tantrum, a mentally disturbed man or woman will act out.  Tell yourself, "I will no longer be available for him emotionally or physically to continue to hurt me."  Say this each day and you will begin to find your strength again.  The benefit of saying positive affirmations (you can find more on the Internet) is shutting the negative voice of a partner out and learning to listen to your own once again.  Other things you can do:  Avoid him when he is angry.  Find something else to do with your time rather than sitting next to him during your off days.  Not allowing him to dictate where you go, what you do, how to dress, and more.  Of course, he will argue, act out, and do other things.  Keep reading on how to deal with this.

There are many older and younger women that permitted their mates over and over again to do and say things to them that were hurtful.  Therefore, their partners got used to behaving meanly with them, because boundaries were never established.  If you feel that it is unsafe to make any changes as mentioned earlier, you will need to strongly consider an exit plan.  This would include: speaking with a professional counselor, personal friend, or police officer about what you want to do, attend a meeting for abused women (check for some in your local area or attend a church service), and learn more about breaking up for men and women in controlling relationships--there is a process, so do your research so that you are not causing yourself further harm.

Nicholl McGuire
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

Thoughts of Divorce?

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