Monday

Domestic Violence Awareness Media

The following is a list of items individuals and groups can use to spread the word about domestic violence.  Consider these tools when organizing an event, teaching classes, speaking and more.  People need to know that domestic violence happens every nine seconds.  Most cases go unreported.  The impact of family violence on other family members is long-lasting and may continue on affecting other generations.  Stop the violence, don't enable it!

Books

Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Men

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men

She's Crazy - battered men


Movies

Every 9 Seconds

Shattered Dreams


Music

No Harm Done (Songs Against Domestic Violence)

Rise Up Against Domestic Violence Through Music Vol. 1


Jewelry

PinMart's Purple Ribbon Survivor Pin

Domestic Violence Silicone Bracelet

Domestic Violence Awareness Shirt

Saturday

No Amount of Love Will Change Your Partner

Praying, wishing, hoping, loving, and wanting your partner to change, you believe that love is the cure all.  You believe that if you just do everything right that the relationship experts say, your mother tells you, and of course the abuser, that all will be okay.

How much more money do you have to spend to buy peace in your household?
How often do you have to sexually please him/her?
What entertainment do you have to provide?
Where do you have to go and what do you have to do to ensure the abuser doesn't blow up on you?

The extent that a victim will go just to appease an emotionally or physically abusive partner would leave outsiders speechless.

No matter what you do for someone who has many unresolved past issues will never be good enough.  It doesn't take much to awaken the demon within.  Love won't keep the abusive man or woman from cursing, acting threatening, or even hitting you, the pet, or doing something else to get his or her aggression out.

How many more signs does a victim need to leave an abusive mate?

It's getting harder and harder to love isn't it?  More and more difficult to forgive and forget, right?

Well that is a good sign, my friend.  You are on your way to freedom!

Nicholl

Domestic Violence: Living in Fear | NPT Reports - Domestic Violence Documentaries


Sunday

Putting Up with a Fool Makes One a Fool Too - domestic abuse, dating, marriage

I have had the blessing and the curse of having some very straightforward people in my social circles over decades.  The kind of men and women who give you the truth with no chaser.  "Look your boyfriend is ugly...I don't know what you see in him.  Stop dating broke men!  You are better than that..."  Can I say you need bold people like that around you until you are back on your feet again? As you progress, you might want to lose them, because negative people have their share of baggage and after awhile you outgrow them.  Anyway...

Look, I have been transparent for years all around the web and shared my testimony of freedom, peace and increase after coming out of a very bad relationship over a couple decades ago and another mentally draining one soon after that.  I personally want abused men and women to win!  Use their mistakes in life to propel them, but not continue to allow poor decisions to suffocate, bind, and rob them of better lives in the near future.

I have advised visitors to this site to do things like:  pray, visit a church, build up a social network online and offline, gradually emotionally and physically withdraw from an abuser, save money, avoid buying an abuser expensive gifts, contact the domestic abuse hotline, file restraining orders, document abuse, and so much more.  Whether readers took heed or not, for some they did and others not so much.  They are still hanging on to broken people while wishing and waiting for things to be different.

Putting up with a fool unfortunately makes the victim a fool too.  I know that isn't a nice thing to say, but the truth is the truth.  Too often victims look everywhere but within when it comes to answering the question, "Why do you stay?"  They pity people who are in similar situations while ignoring the fact that they aren't doing much better.  They ridicule or falsely assume that others' relationships are quite bad when in reality, they are the ones who are suffering.

Abusers like to redirect their victims' attention on people and things that have little to do with what is really going on in their current relationship, household, etc.  For instance, bad-mouthing exes, scolding children, gossiping about relatives, complaining about jobs, exaggerating daily encounters, and more.  They do these things to keep from victims finding out their lies, cover-ups, secrets, etc.

Controlling people never want their victims to ever examine or find out about things such as:   their personality disorders, mental handicaps, illnesses, and overall dysfunctional ways at home, work, church and elsewhere.  If one should really wake up and see the truth, the abuser will be alone without no one around to listen to his or her angry vents, cries, complaints, and more.

Some of these abusive men and women simply hate themselves.  They wish to be something more then what they are and because they are not that, if one should press the right triggers, you will see just how messed up they really are!

Many controlling men and women live their lives vicariously through partners and children.  Since they didn't make the cut in professional or personal lives in the way that they always wanted, they push everyone around them or break them down depending on how mentally disturbed they really are.  "Do this...do that!  You should really...You will go far, you just need..." a so-called good partner/parent/abuser says.  To the world the abusive one looks supportive, but those who know better, are stressed when around the demanding egoist.
http://laboringtoloveanabusivemate.blogspot.com

If you don't want to be played by a fool, then you best not act like one!  So many men and women give up sex quickly, money as if they will always have more than enough, their last names, property rights, businesses, and more for fools!  These lonely, desperate and naive victims are swindled into thinking that a manipulator is going to take care of them, love them, and be all things to them when in reality abusers are selfish and opportunists.  They think, "What am I getting out of this relationship? What is he/she going to do for me?" while claiming "we" are going to do this and that.  Many abusive people are sweet-talkers when they first get to know their victims and then in time their many false fronts go away.  In time, you see the devil in an angry man or woman.

With each passing day that one who chooses to stay with a mean-spirited man or woman, loses what little joy deep down within he or she has.  Victims lose their health and beauty in time--faster than most.  Getting over some things takes longer.  A brain isn't as sharp as it once was due to so much stress.  The tension increases between abuser and victim until someone explodes.

So if one doesn't want to be in a foolish relationship any longer then make up in your mind this year that enough is enough!  Don't forget save that income tax refund money, you are going to need it if you are serious about developing your exit plan.

God bless.

Nicholl

Thinking About Divorce? - marriage, separation, break up

Monday

Leadership series - Mental Health Awareness - Schizotypal


When The Wounds of Abuse Don't Go Away

Permanent scars, they are evident on the faces, arms, backs and legs of many women and men who have been abused by intimate partners.  Creams, lotions, and other health and beauty items can't take away the unsightly markings on bodies or scars on one's heart.  Not everything is fixable.

Looking at the face of a forty-something woman, the scar tissue was beyond repair around her puffy eyes after being repeatedly left with black and blue markings on them on and off for well over a decade.  Another woman who had also been badly wounded over the years by her abuser had markings on her body that never went away.  A man who had been fighting with all his lovers in the past, presently lives with old scratches that never healed from the top of his hands after women clawed him over and over again from his attempts to choke them out.  Yesterdays war wounds are reminders of lost tempers.

The longer one stays in an abusive relationship, the more he or she finds self in a battle with a wound that doesn't go away easily if not at all.  Victims lie about where they got their markings from while abusers either go along with the fibs or quietly sit in silence faking ignorance as family and friends look on.

A once beautiful and vibrant man or woman ages much with each argument and/or physical fight with an angry partner.  There is a look in a victim's eyes along with old bruises that tell us, it ain't over.

Nicholl

Sunday

People Who Wish You Dead - lukewarm christians, backsliders, apostates, ...


Emotional Abuse - Things to Think About

Articles

21 Big Signs of Emotional Abuse You May Be Overlooking

Is Your Current Relationship Emotionally Abusive? | Playbuzz

Quiz: Are You in a Toxic Relationship? - Beliefnet

Video/Audio

You Are Not Crazy - Listen to What Verbal Abuse Really ...

The Emotionally Destructive Relationship - Leslie Vernick - Host, Dr. Freda Crews

The Self-Absorbed Partner, Video One

Images

10 Powerful Photos Reveal The ‘Unseen Scars’ Emotional ...

Fact Sheet: Emotional Child Abuse

Powerful Images Show A World Where Verbal Abuse Leaves ...

Jehovah's Witnesses and Domestic Violence - Struggles of Jehovah's Witne...



Jehovah’s Witnesses ‘hid’ over 1,000 sex-abuse cases

Jehovah’s Witness Sex Abuse Attorneys Fighting for Justice

The Domestic Violence I Saw With Jehovah’s Witnesses

It's a New Year, New Changes But Maybe Not - Victim, Abuser Fights Go On

You hope, wish and pray for a better year now that the number on the calendar has changed, but those of us who have been in abusive relationships know better.  Things don't change just because a year has changed.  If anything, a toxic connection only worsens.  The words become more vicious, the trials more difficult, and the emotional and physical bondage only tightens as the years of abuse increase in number! 

It must be nice talking one's self into believing a relationship is getting better, but the truth is the abuser's temperament is simply put on ice for now...cooled off due to the holiday glee until the next issue comes up. 

Victims and abusers make a lot of promises.  They sugar-coat their difficult relationship with trips, treats, and deceit.  Deep inside the couples know they are not going to change.  The angry man or woman will be doing more of the same in the new year and the victim will continue to go along just to get along until she or he grows weary of the arguments, cheating, controlling behaviors, lying, hiding money, shaming, isolation, etc.

A moment of good fun, drinking, and a great atmosphere doesn't change the brokenness within.  The calendar days are marked off and so the drama continues.

Nicholl
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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