Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

The day that you make up in your mind that you will no longer put up with an emotionally or physically abusive partner , is the day that you are headed toward peace of mind. You are now ready to focus on your future without the controlling individual dominating every aspect of your mind.  It can be challenging to plan for the day you are officially free from an abuser , but you can do it!  Encourage yourself!  Take baby steps toward independence and don't allow anyone or anything to discourage you in your quest to break free from toxic programming. Survivors , who were once victims, recognized just how brainwashed they were in their past miserable relationships of power and control.  Abusers bully their victims.  They make promises sometimes keeping them, other times breaking them.  They dominate their lives with their demands.  The longer you stay, the more they keep you under their thumb. Expecting someone or a group to rescue you from the clutches of an abusive person just

Victims will go around the domestic violence wheel again and again and again only to end up back where they started, believing the manipulator's lies.  Isn't this how they got caught in the first place? The abuser always makes promises that eventually he or she doesn't keep. The abuser lies to get more sex, money, and other things to benefit self. The abuser claims that all will be fine (he or she doesn't believe this) just buying time. The abuser has already alerted others the relationship is coming to an end. The abuser is looking or already has his or her replacement. Meanwhile, the victim feels a bit empowered because he or she busted a partner cheating, lying, stealing, or doing some other despicable things.  A trusted family member or friend is called and the only relief one receives is more of the same, "You are better than this...You need to end the relationship... I hate seeing you this way." Another big argument with threats, more truth

After a traumatic experience, whether in or out of a bedroom with an abuser, swollen eyes from crying, pain in one's body, and a sore throat from yelling will leave you emotionally, spiritually and physically tired.  An empty feeling arises within, you are numb to your mate and others.  You can't care about what other people are going through or what they think, because you have been through so much.  You have no emotional connection to an abuser, because you are all tapped out for a time.  You aren't really focused on your children--their lips move but you aren't listening.  You are simply existing until the next episode of abuse comes around again. This empty feeling is strange.  It's as if someone cut off your five senses.  You don't really see clearly like you did prior to yet another explosive incident.  You don't hear as good when people talk.  Things don't have much of a taste as they did before.  Everything has an odor, but your nose plays tri

Another episode of fighting and now you are thinking, "Why God are you allowing this to keep happening?  You could put him in his/her grave...you could make him go away...you could give me money so I can go!  Why?" Are you going through trials in vain?  In other words, are you sincerely learning from each instant of abuse you undergo until you are ready to exit or are you just taking the pain and making excuses for it?  Are you struggling with the thought that an Almighty Creator and his angels are watching while you cry and hurt inside from yet another blow? These wars with words, fists, money, children, and more are here to stay as long as you welcome them.  Re-read what I just wrote.  Sure, God, children, strangers and others are watching or know of your situation, but you are in control more than you realize.  Some victims just aren't going to get the help they need because they are unwilling to let go of the angry men or women who have become idols in their live

He lies, yells, curses, blames, and does other things to disrespect his partner and she forgives, doesn't forget and continues to forgive again and again.  Meanwhile, the tension from repeated battles between the pair keeps building up.  Their nasty words feel like they are stuck on walls.  Being in the same room with an abusive man is beginning to get old for the victim.  However, despite the warning signs, there are five things that this victim keeps doing when she is laboring to love her abusive mate.  Repeatedly these issues have been written about on this blog.  Let's review. 1.  She keeps telling herself, "Things will change." "I love him...I know he had a bad day.  He will treat me better, I just know it."  So the honeymoon comes and goes and the arguments seem to worsen and its becoming more difficult to let some things said and done go. 2.  She believes that her controlling mate loves her in the same way she loves him. The fact that most ab

Her abusive boyfriend from the past cheated, lied, robbed, raped, abused, and misused her. When you first laid eyes on this gorgeous woman, the last thing you thought was you would be inheriting her wounds from yesteryear. Yet, you did and now you feel at times stuck with both his and her mess. You aren't ready to break up with this woman you love, but you can't see a future with her either. So what do you do about this past baggage that tends to show up on days that you think everything is perfectly okay? The following tips should help you get some peace of mind, reach a decision about the relationship, and help you help her to heal. There is a big difference between a woman who calls herself a victim of domestic violence and one who calls herself a survivor. The survivor most likely has evolved from her experience and shows no signs of having ever been a victim. She has received the support she needed to move on and has taken the necessary changes to live her life to the f