Just Say No to Drama and Hello to Your Future

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Things People and Companies Have Done to Help Abused Women

Some women who were determined to leave their abusive partners did so with the help of moving companies.  Others were helped in ways you may have never thought of!  So if you are not in an abusive relationship and may be in business or affiliated with a civic group, consider giving some time, money or service to those who want to move on with their lives.

For victims, check with companies in your local area who may help or ask a social worker or domestic violence counselor to assist with whatever your needs might be.  You never know who might be willing to help you, so put aside pride and secrets and step out on faith!

The following is a list of businesses whose good deeds helped so many as well as ideas.  Be sure to check the location before contacting these companies or any others.  Also ask for referrals if they are no longer offering their services.

1.  Meathead Movers assisted women by helping them move.

2.  “A Pele da Flor” (The Skin of the Flower) is about giving hurt women tattoos free of charge.

3.  Heartwarming story of a woman and a dog who had something in common, domestic abuse.

4.  The Blackdot Campaign using a black dot to signal help.

5.  Crisis Center North in Pittsburgh - dog providing therapy for women in domestic violence center.

6.  Woman Shares Video to Help Others Via Facebook

7.  Temporary tattoos used to spread the word about dating violence.

8.  That's Not Cool Campaign for teens.

9.  Mary Kay helped mid-schoolers define what is a healthy relationship.

10.  Transportation Issues for Domestic Violence Programs the contents are worth reading.

Search for "companies that help with..." include what your need might be and "domestic violence" or "dating violence" you will find much information.  For more recent information, include the current year.

Check out this article if you know someone via the Internet who is being abused. See here.

Too Many Signs You Overlooked Years Ago - Manipulators - Charming but Deadly

It happens, you get hot and heavy with someone and overlook all the subtle and blatant signs you are dealing with someone whose mind is not wrapped too tight.  So let's go over the list, whether it applies to you or not, this will help you break your mind from the delusions and see reality.  Your choice to stay or go.

1.  A partner was either frequently too late or too early during your early encounters.  There was little concern and apologies gradually stopped or never occurred.

2.  You caught him or her in some half-truths or bold lies.  Excuse after excuse was given.

3.  After spoiling you initially, he or she didn't bother too much to reach into his or her wallet or purse to pay for something without you having to ask (even after you told him or her you were having some financial issues).

4.  A partner spent much time badmouthing every ex he or she had been with.  The blame was often pointed in everyone's direction but his or her's.

5.  You often covered up how you truly felt about this person's behavior, lifestyle, appearance, body odor, etc. so as not to hurt feelings.

6.  You didn't feel comfortable around members of his family--they seemed a bit off while you overlooked mental illness with your partner.

7.  You lied about much to appear like you had made a great connection.

8.  When you noticed signs of jealousy, controlling behaviors, and anger outbursts, you dismissed the uncomfortable feelings within saying things like, "It's not that serious...I have my bad days too."

9.  You observed your partner and felt something was wrong with him or her and may have mentioned some things, but then found yourself being persuaded to believe something else about him or her.

10.  Relatives, friends or former partners provided subtle warnings, but you assumed they were jealous of you and your partner being together.

From the way someone spends money to how they talk or argue with others, during those early days of connecting with a partner, the writing is usually on the wall.  Women and men who have found themselves doing a lot for a partner from the start of a relationship, often feel used and abused.  This is because they don't establish boundaries.  Then when they yell, "This hurts!"  They are viewed as "crazy," "unstable" or "out of control" by their abusers.  

You don't permit someone to continue to bully, charm, lie, or swindle you into doing for them.  No amount of sex, money, or time will change a manipulator, he or she will just keep on taking until he or she has had enough of being with someone who he or she secretly thinks is "weak," "niave," "ignorant," and "obsessed" with him or her.  Take your power back--it's never too late and stop ignoring signs you are being played.

Here are some other things to consider about the manipulator and abusive people in general:

1.  These people will put little effort in changing their upsetting behaviors then will blame you.

2.  The controlling person will always find a way to have the last word, the upper hand, and make you suffer for offending him or her (even if you thought it was all water under the bridge--old saying).

3.  Abusers will continue to lie about their whereabouts, who they were talking to, how much money they spent, and more.

4.  They will make false promises just to keep you around until they are ready to do someone or something else--even if they don't break up with you.  Any distraction the individual comes up with keeps his or her mind off of you for awhile until you do something the person doesn't like again.

5.  You will be encouraged to spend your money while they will be looking for ways to save his or her's.

6.  He or she has already talked to someone about how one truly feels about you, but if you were a fly on the wall you wouldn't like what he or she has said.

7.  The manipulator will fake interest in your personal preferences just to keep you from paying attention to what he or she might be thinking or doing and of course, to once again gain your trust.

The merry-go-round continues to spin and no one isn't getting off the ride.  Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate.

Nicholl McGuire


On Revealing and Listening to Secrets - No Matter How Dark, God Sees

Subscribe to YouTube Channel: NM Enterprise 7

Whether you are experiencing dating violence, being emotionally abused in a marriage, or something else is happening, the issues might be secrets that you just can't share.  You don't want anyone to know you might be going through other trials as well from children to job, just know you are not alone and that God is waiting on you to come to Him. 

Sit quiet long enough to regain your strength, listen to sound instruction, and begin to walk in freedom.  No matter the kind of emotional abuse, physical issues or the type of person who is doing these things, if it is a secret that is affecting your mental well-being and physical safety, it is time to do something about it!

When an Abusive Man's Expectations and Yours Collide

You didn't know that an abusive man had a demanding list inside his mind on what you were supposed to be to him, how you were to behave and what you were to provide if he did A, B, and C for you.  But you, like other women of his past, learned during yet another emotional argument when his nasty attitude showed up complete with name-calling and ugly thoughts were spit out. After the disputing, you might feel those familiar feelings once again regretting ever meeting the mean-spirited man.

Repeated arrogant behaviors (i.e. claiming to be better, smarter, and having more than you) along with illogical fantasies will wreck havoc in the short and long term on the relationship and the victim's mind.

Men, who are use to getting their way whether at home or elsewhere, believe they can have it all anytime they want, and wish to be adored by almost everyone they meet.  These kind of men (usually somewhat wealthy, once quite attractive or still may be, affluent, or highly-educated) place high demands on unsuspecting women especially those who are reliant on them.

These self-absorbed men personally believe that they are owed something every time they are inconvenienced, provide assistance, or asked a favor.  "What do I get for all this trouble," the opportunist thinks.  When his personal needs are not met, the socially sweet, privately cruel man will retaliate using silent treatment to physical abuse usually when the victim is not feeling well, busy with other activities or has a lot on her mind.  When she least suspects it, she is defending herself once again from her abusive partner's hands or words.

If you are just starting out in a relationship with a demanding man, you usually can detect what the future might be like with him just by the way he does the following: subtly manipulates situations, disagrees with things you say that you know are correct, projects his personal disappointments on to you, and looks to find fault with most anything you say or do whether joking or not.

It is safe to say that ego-driven, mad men can be quite difficult to live and communicate with.  When you don't have the time, energy or patience to stroke their egos, do what they want when they want it (now not later), or act in ways that they deem are not helpful to them, they will act quite miserable, strange, or violent.  It doesn't matter if you couldn't do something for them once or many times, they will attempt to punish you for "not being there...I needed you...after all this money I spent, you could have...why would I wait for you when I know some women would be glad to have a man like me.  You just calm down...get over are not that sick."

You may have had healthy expectations for the kind of relationship you wanted long ago, but when the manipulator shows up, he figures out a way to get you to trust him by telling you what you want to hear.  He controls your thoughts and behaviors toward him when you least expect it.  So you naturally follow suit with his expectations, because you don't want to disappointment him and suffer the consequences, while dismissing your own personal aspirations.  Before long, your focus is exclusively on your controlling partner, rather than on yourself and whether or not the individual is indeed right for you.

Abusive men are often overlooked early on during the dating process, because their victims are usually desperate for love, affection and attention.  They slip pass the warning signs radar with their kind conversations, good deeds, false promises, and helpful behaviors.  Their phony acts are not representative of their true personalities.  If you are lucky to speak with broken-hearted exes, disgruntled children, distant relatives, and others who have had negative exchanges with them, you will learn the truth.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of internet dating book, Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues.


Change Direction - Work on Your Dreams! - Upcoming Event Hosted by Shepherd's Door, Pasadena CA

Shepherd's Door, domestic violence resource center, invites you to join us for a great afternoon of education, empowerment, encouragement and enlightening. 

We welcome you to Shepherd's Door 7th Annual Women, Wealth, Warriors Luncheon. Our theme this year is focusing on women entrepreneurs. The afternoon will include a panel of seven women who are the owners of successful businesses. Come out, hear and be inspired to start your own business. 

If you have a gift or talent and need encouragement to take your business to the next level you do not want to miss hearing these dynamic women share their triumphs and successes. The Host for the afternoon will be Sunda Croonquist, Actor, Comedian and Writer of  A Kosher Soul Food Cookbook, Moderator is Coleen Sullivan/KABC7, Anchorwoman, Guest Speaker the inspiring Shamallia Pennington Author and Writer of Waiting on God to Waiting in God My Faith Journey, Nicholl McGuire, Freelance Writer and Content Marketing Manager Offering Virtual Help and author of What Else Can I Do on the Internet?, Tunisia Offray/Financial Advisor/Insurance Agent, Carla Buigues, Broker of John  Aaroe Group, Vanessa Terzian, Attorney,  Dr. Regina Edmond, and Liza Boubari, Healwithin Clinic. There will be vendors who are owners of many types of businesses and entertainment, raffles, prizes and more.

Lunch is FREE! Please RSVP for lunch count and seating! If you have any questions you can contact Yuri or Shirley at 626-765-9967. Look forward to seeing you!                                        


Still Believing the Lies

Victims will go around the domestic violence wheel again and again and again only to end up back where they started, believing the manipulator's lies.  Isn't this how they got caught in the first place?

  • The abuser always makes promises that eventually he or she doesn't keep.
  • The abuser lies to get more sex, money, and other things to benefit self.
  • The abuser claims that all will be fine (he or she doesn't believe this) just buying time.
  • The abuser has already alerted others the relationship is coming to an end.
  • The abuser is looking or already has his or her replacement.

Meanwhile, the victim feels a bit empowered because he or she busted a partner cheating, lying, stealing, or doing some other despicable things.  A trusted family member or friend is called and the only relief one receives is more of the same, "You are better than this...You need to end the relationship... I hate seeing you this way."

Another big argument with threats, more truth revealed about one's feelings, followed by another honeymoon period... now what?

The clock ticks and the victim does nothing--all mouth, no go.  This is how it is laboring to love an abusive mate until one makes up in his or her mind to do what is right, rather than sex for tonight.

Nicholl McGuire wrote books about dating violence and provides other enlightening information about dysfunctional relationships, Socially, Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and She's Crazy.


Lady Gaga - Til It Happens To You

Share Stories of Survival, Divorce, Letting Go, Letting God & Domestic and Emotional Abuse Resources

Welcoming anyone who has finally gotten free out of an emotionally or physically abusive relationship.

Do you have information about a place in your area that has been helpful?  Maybe you can provide tips for others on things like: what to do when considering a divorce, where to go, how to manage conflict, how to handle children during tough times and more. 

Guest bloggers, video makers, nonprofit representatives and others contact with links, videos, press releases and more.  Your information will be featured on this site or leave in comment sections.

God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.


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