Nothing to allow you to destroy my heart!
No stray bullets to attempt to blow my mind!
No gunpowder to leave on my soul!
You are hollow!
Like the barrel of your gun,
you pull your trigger and then your done!
You are an assassin
and I'm the president
proudly serving your country.
Domestic violence survivor and author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
I learn early on to recognize the signs when the fight would escalate into violence. I knew that the safest place for me was to hide in a corner out of the way. I often covered by ears to try and block out the screams. It did not help for the screams still penetrated the gaps in my little fingers. I sat their in silence and hopelessness. I knew I could not do anything to stop it yet I felt guilty. Somehow I just knew the fighting was all about me, yet in reality the fighting had nothing to do with me. It has everything to do with the abuser and the demons inside of him.
Living in abuse there are never any carefree days. There is always constant anxiety about when another round of beatings will occur. You come to expect it as a way of life, or that is how it was for me, until one day all of that would change. One day my father the abuser came home from work unexpectedly and the abuse began. Little did I know that this day it would end so differently. The abuse went far beyond a beating and there I was focusing on a dead body laying in a pool of blood. I was totally oblivious to the fact that another life was being taken. Like a stain on my dress the stain of that murder will forever be a part of my soul. Once the impact of that one single event was realized, it was then that the devastation comes into full view. As a result our family dissolved. I no longer had with me my seven siblings. I now stood alone as an orphan, abandoned and helpless.
It took me a long time to become the whole women I am today and to put the past behind me. Yet it can be done. I tell the whole story in Family Secrets: Letters to My Granddaughters.
Grace Ann Neuharth has lived "Family Secrets: Letters to my Granddaughters". This is her story and her first book. She believes there is a place in the world for a book that shows clearly that God can fix the most impossible situations. Grace's story will help many people move beyond survival to victory. In fact, it already has. www.familysecrets-letters.com Listen to audio of first chapter at web site.
of the tunnel -- alone.
In the dark amongst the shadows and screeching screams from afar.
What is it that her soul searches for?
Is curiosity that strong to commit suicide...
Is man really worth it?
Not necessarily so. We frequently see women struggling in relation to their legal counsel just as they struggled in their battering relationship. And they feel worn down, confused, taken advantage of...
What often happens is these women engage in their relationship with their legal representation just as they engaged in relation to the “white knight” from whom they are seeking refuge.
They look to this person as their savior, leaping in with blind faith. When told exactly what they want to hear, they saddle up and go for the ride. Sadly for some, years go by, and hundreds of thousands of dollars later, they ask, WHY?
Family Violence and Legal Domestic Abuse
My sense is the dynamics are exactly the same. Domestic abuse is about control and so is the legal abuse syndrome. And the survivor in both of these situations engages and participates in the same victimized way.
Some campaign for justice for themselves and their children and then discover, as they approach the finish line, that counsel has nothing to say. Or their trial date is delayed indefinitely.
In most of these cases, these women have engaged in exhaustive disclosure, spending more on their production than they actually produce in pay (are awarded as compensation). All awhile, they wonder how and why their partners have managed to go month to month, year to year without providing full, legitimate, or in some cases, any financial production.
And it doesn’t even occur to them that this is merely a strategy that keeps them engaged in the process of their proceedings just as they where engaged with their abusive partner. If you are in a legal proceeding and recognize that your voice is muffled or muted or misrepresented, seek to understand the dynamics of legal domestic abuse.
By: Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D.
To learn more about how to protect yourself from legal domestic abuse, I invite you to check out Legal Domestic Abuse where you can also claim your free Survivor Success Tips and eInsights. Dr. Jeanne King, Ph.D. helps people recognize, end and heal from domestic abuse at home and in court. www.PreventAbusiveRelationships.com
If there ever was any doubt in your mind where adult domestic violence has its roots-put your inquisitive mind at rest. It starts with our kids!! In a recent study partnered by Teenage Research Unlimited and the Liz Claiborne Corporation, teens 13-18 were surveyed on the frequency of dating violence in their lives.
The study revealed some shocking statistics and facts about the teen dating scene. Among many conclusions are that a significant percentage of teens not only are victims of dating abuse but also they accept it as normal and that they feel pressured to have and keep relationships particularly if it is a "serious" one.
Teens in these serious relationships report by nearly a 2 to 1 margin more abuse, controlling and even violent behavior compared to other teens.
The study also showed that:
- 20% in a serious relationship report being hit, slapped or pushed
- 30% report being worried about their physical safety
- 64% report controlling behavior
- 55% compromise their values to please their partner
- 61% reported having a partner who made them feel bad or embarrassed about themselves
- 25% report being in a relationship where their partner put them down or called them names
- 29% said they were pressured to have sex they do not want
- 50% of young women worry that their partner will break up with them if they do not agree to engage in sex.
It is no wonder that this problem exists with teenage male belief systems that include:
- Controlling their partners
- Possessing their partners
- Demanding intimacy
- Physical aggression is the "masculine" thing to do.
Teenage female beliefs include:
- There's no resource for help
- Abuse is normal because their peers are abused
- Jealousy, possessiveness and even abuse are "romantic".
Historically other studies and surveys support these findings. This serves as pretty solid evidence that teenagers grow up in a society that frowns on adult domestic violence, yet it appears they serve their apprenticeships in high school learning the nuances of how to abuse. Do they learn on their own or do they learn from their abusive parents? It is a very difficult question to answer nevertheless the cycle must be broken. Today's youth represent the best chance to make a change.
Here's how to start. Educate and Prevent.
Know Some Warning Signs. Is there a history of violence with previous partners? Are there threats of violence, use of force? Is there cruelty to animals? Are traits of sudden anger, jealousy, verbal abuse, controlling behavior, unpredictable mood swings present? All or any of these can be predictors of future behavior and definite warning signs.
Set Standards. Only allow double dates for the first few dates. Know exactly what the plans are-who, where, what, when-be very specific. Remember: Trust but Verify. You love your children. It is your responsibility to set the standards for their actions.
Develop a Safety Plan. In an emergency know who to call: police, relative, parents, friend, neighbor, pastor-have a calling card handy. Know who you can trust to talk to. Develop a buddy system at school so you are never alone. Change your route to school if necessary. Carry some non lethal self defense items-pepper spray, personal defense alarms, etc. Trust your instincts.
Above all be prepared. Knowing what to look for and keeping an open mind may end up saving you a lot of pain.
Chances are very good that you are reading this because in some way crime has touched your life or you want to be proactive and protect yourself, family, home, or business from the ravages of crime. That is the first step.By Jack Krohn
Look at our selection of self defense/ home security products. Home Security Tools and Pepper Gel.
Check out our Hidden Spy Cameras
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Resources for Physical, Emotional or Sexual Abuse
- An Exit Action Plan for Leaving an Abusive Relationship
- Verbal, Emotional, Mental, Psychological, and Physical Abuse
- Education Wife Assault
- Emotional Abuse
- Childhood Sexual Abuse
- Sexual Abuse
- National Coalition Against Domestic Violence
- Domestic Violence Family Law Advice
- Domestic Violence Hotline
- Teen Dating Violence
Additional Domestic Violence Resources
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