Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Witnessing or hearing about someone being abused can be a shock to your system especially if you have been in or currently dealing with an abusive partner. It’s natural to feel a mix of emotions, including depression, anger, and helplessness. However, knowing how to respond can make a significant difference in the life of the person being abused. Here’s what you can do if you find yourself in this unfortunate situation. 1.  Stay Calm and Assess the Situation First and foremost, take a moment to breathe and assess the situation. Is the person in immediate danger? If you believe they are in a life-threatening situation, it’s crucial to contact emergency services right away. Your safety is also important, so ensure that you are not putting yourself in harm's way by intervening directly. 2.  Listen and Offer Support If the person feels safe enough to talk to you, listen without judgment. Let them share their story at their own pace. It’s essential to validate their feelings and ex...

There is a big lie that one likes to tell his or herself long after the abusive behavior about a partner has been discovered and that is, "I didn't know my partner was abusive."  Yet, one knows now!  If you have been in a relationship for any significant time, you learned the truth, but you refused to accept it. You knew the day the abusive mate called you out of your name. You knew when you caught him or her in repeated lies and when you confronted your partner, you were intimidated, threatened, and wondered whether he or she was going to hit you. You knew when he or she acted controlling with you, the children, finances, time you spent with others, and where you went. You knew when he or she expected you to report back like a soldier checking in with a sergeant. You knew when your relatives and friends noticed something they didn't like about your love interest early on and you attempted to persuade them to think differently. You knew when the hair on your...

Plenty of victims have learned the hard way that too much idle time spent around an angry man or woman, especially during evenings and weekends, will lead to sooner or later abusive words, hands, or more striking out.  People, who are historically rude with others, are not easy to like or love.  This is why many angry, lonely people take to the Internet for some social stimulation, because they have offended most folks who have been in their presence offline.  In time, their own kinfolk want very little to do with them. Family members, friends, exes, co-workers and others have the mental and physical freedom that  abused men and women have yet to experience when it comes to dealing with these difficult people.  The kind of freedom that victims envy.  They can be cordial periodically with their abusive sons, daughters, brothers, sisters, friends, etc. while carrying on with their lives, because they don't have ...

Words.  The self-absorbed man or woman is good with words.  If you are laboring to love someone who is emotionally and/or physically draining , he or she continues to entrap you with his or her charming words, sweet apologies, and tops it all off with a few false tears.  Then he or she convinces you once again to turn over your body, money, vehicle, deed, or something else he or she wants.  Now who is really the fool?

You see yourself in the mirror, you sit down for a bite to eat, you talk on the phone, or you walk by your abuser on the way to the bathroom, and all you can think about is that thing he or she said or did to you the other night, two weeks ago, or a couple months back.  You think you are losing it, you attempt to shake the ugly scene(s), but it keeps coming back.  What to do? Well, the explosive arguments don't go away easily.  Depending on how impactful they were on your mind, body and spirit, they will interrupt your routines like a breaking news report during a favorite television program.  The best thing to do is to keep pushing these negative scenes out of your mind and think about something else like: goals to complete for the day, children that need your attention, work, house chores, etc.  There are various instrumental brainwave music that helps with relaxation, getting to sleep, breaking bad habits, and more.  Try spending s...

"Still here. So unsure. He blames me for his sins, takes everything personally, abandons instead of deals with martial issues (we have not resolved issues since married), I am suppose to act perfect, he acts superior, have been told he won't meet marital needs or desires until I behave, he determines sexual times, doesn't care about me or anything except his things. So confused. My brain is a mess. I miss my relationship with The Lord...I cannot even think straight anymore. Sorry so much to say:(" The above quote was from a real person, who for safety reasons we are keeping the identity private. Presently she is in a relationship with a partner who is abusive. Notice how the abuser makes her feel like she is to act "perfect" while he acts "superior." He apparently uses passive aggressive techniques to get her to "behave." What is worse, while she remains in this controlling relationship with him, she describes her brain as being in...