Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Spend enough time with someone who enjoys telling others what to do and how to do it, and you will soon find that the individual isn't likable.  Teach the demanding a lesson or two, and of course he or she won't like it when you treat him or her the same way.  "Do this...do that...Put that there...You don't do it this way...Stop doing that...What do you think you're doing?"  Controlling partners don't ask, they command and when you don't properly do things, they grow increasingly frustrated with you and in some cases hysterical. I thought of this when I smelled bad odors emanating from more than a few self-absorbed people in my lifetime who enjoyed ridiculing others.  What nerve they had picking on the unsuspecting when they weren't the least bit attractive since getting older, weren't physically fit, and thought they were overall "good" or "nice" people.  Call domineering people out on their judgmental w...

Years of being with someone controlling will wreck havoc on your mind, body and spirit.  You will find yourself just as controlling, miserable, and manipulative as the abusive person in your life.  I have witnessed this first hand and I will tell you that people under years of mind control are untrustworthy.  Somewhere within, they will always feel like they ought to protect, respect, and appreciate their abusers at least in front of others.  But behind closed doors is typically a different story.  Some of the same tactics used on them, victims will attempt to use on their abusers.  They become quite good at them, but they are never isolated to just using their devious ways on their controlling partners, they will use them on others too i.e.) children, friends, co-workers, etc. Some things that you or someone you know might need to be mindful of with these victims include: 1.  They will say one thing and do another.   Many vic...

The rules are typically set early on, during the courtship, from the way he or she looks at you when you mention "I was talking to my friend..." to "Why did you buy that for them?"  Your potentially violent partner is letting you know, in so many words, "I am controlling, jealous, and in time you will do what I tell you to or else." Most people meeting someone for the first time or starting a dating relationship, don't notice the signs.  When strange feelings surface, one will push those emotions down, reason that everyone has their flaws, or talk one's self out of being protective.  "She didn't mean it that way...He really isn't possessive, I mean we just started dating...Everyone has their share of problems, no big deal!"  However, you should wonder why someone, who doesn't know you that well, feels like they should tell you what to do with your personal life such as who to talk to and how you should spend your money and o...

What is codependency? I've known numerous men who have been in relationships with clingy, needy, overly-emotional, jealous, and controlling women. These men are frustrated with what they perceive as their girlfriend's flaws. They often don't realize that their own behavior is contributing to the unhealthy relationship and allowing it to persist. These men are often stuck in codependent relationships. The term "codependent" is commonly used to refer to individuals who are overly reliant on their partners, using them as a crutch and not wanting to leave their side. However, it can apply to any unhealthy emotional dependency. When a man stays in a relationships with a clingy, jealous, critical partner, he feels dependent on her approval. Any man with a high level of self-esteem and healthy attitude towards relationships would not tolerate such a relationship. He'd either take action to stop the pattern, or simply leave. Men who get stuck in a codependent relation...

Have you ever been told by someone that you love or by someone of higher authority that words don’t hurt? Have you been told that as long as you are not being hit, that it is ok to be abused ? Well think again because "ABUSE" is abuse whether it is done physical, emotional or both and it affects women’s health just the same because both can leave lifetime scars that will and can hurt you in both your personal and professional life. The old myth has always been, if you are being physically abused to get out while those who were being emotionally abused were seemed to be told nothing! Is it a fact that words don’t hurt? If that holds true, then does it only become physical abuse when a bruised body part becomes obvious to others? Well, what about an emotionally abused person? Does it only become emotional abuse when you have started to believe what you’re told? Really there is no difference in how emotional and physical abuse affects the mind, body and spirit. Take t...

Could it Be That These Health Issues Contributed to Women Being Abusive Toward Men? "What did he do to cause her to hit him? He probably deserved it." "As big as he is and he is accusing her of being abusive?" "Why would he call the police on her?" This is just a sample of the many quotes that have been said about men who have been in violent relationships with their abusive wives and girlfriends. Women aren't the only victims when it comes to domestic violence, men have their share of stories too. "It takes two to tango," so the saying goes. And what the public rarely hears is his side of the story and if he chooses to share it, would we believe him anyway? Picture this, an irritable, emotional, hungry, wife with an emotional disorder that occurs two weeks out of every month. She doesn't seem to think her problem is serious. She barks out orders to her husband and children like a drill sergeant. She makes false accusations abo...

What is your definition of love ? How do you determine whether a person loves you or not? Many people define love based on what they have witnessed their parents and other relatives say and do when it comes to love. Others may not have found what exactly love is amongst the people they know; therefore, they look toward books, movies, and music. Once they have found a definition of love they can agree with, they will show love in the way they feel most comfortable. Do you know what your mate's definition of love is and does it align with yours? The following information will help you assess your own definition of love, understand his meaning of love, and whether or not it is even worth staying in a relationship. What is your personal definition of love? In order to determine what is your personal definition of love, you will have to process what it is not. We all know that love is not a hot moment in bed, a thoughtful card, financial help, physical attributes and other action...

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate A 21-year-old woman’s diary to stay or go By Nicholl McGuire Education, popularity, and beauty couldn’t keep a college student from choosing a man who had a terrible secret. In this poetic story, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Nicholl McGuire tells of her struggle to stay or leave her abuser. Domestic violence reared its ugly head when Nicholl, a young college student, met a man ten years older back in 1996. In her first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate , Nicholl struggles with whether she should stay or leave her abuser in a series of poems that chronicle her hellish nine-month experience. Her roller coaster ride of emotions in the book provide valuable insight on the struggles abused women face when making a decision to help or escape their abusers. “This book isn’t for the woman who has already left the relationship,” Nicholl says. “Instead, it’s for the woman who is contemplating on leaving the relationship and the woman w...