Friday

Halloween Hate - Did You Feel Much Trial During the Month of October?

When many people raise hell for more money, power, fame, curses on enemies, etc. the negative energy comes by like a wind, causing much trouble in relationships and elsewhere.  Take a moment of silence for those who were sacrificed in October due to occult holiday celebrations.  Now take the time to think about yourself, how much sacrificing have you done already with time, money, and more just to make an emotionally and/or physically abusive partner happy?

Running around like a chicken with its head cut off, a woman or man who just wants to live a dream in an unhappy relationship will keep pressing forward anyway all the while creating more debt, responsibility (like pregnancy), making more investments, and carrying the whole family down a dark, destructive path.  Too stubborn, prideful, and angry within to admit, "I was wrong.  This partner wasn't what I had in mind.  I apologize Lord for not listening..." The poor woman or man keeps making more work for his or herself.  Churning one idea after the next to save a broken relationship.  Destiny is going to happen whether you like it or not i.e.) cheating, lying, fighting, police visits, choking, slapping, biting, name-calling, unemployment, bitter and rebellious offspring who repeat the patterns, separation, divorce, etc.  Pray all you want, but when wrong is wrong, it just is!

People who see the foolishness stop assisting controllers and victims who think they know, when they really don't.  Parents and grandparents stop being as generous and kind to the family.  Friends know not to come around two arguing fools.  Further, pets stare out doors and windows wishing to be anywhere but in the home.  The tension in the air is so thick, it cuts like a knife!  Children anticipate a future of peace and quiet even though they will have their share of demons they will have to contend with--thanks to verbally (or not-so verbally) emotionally and/or physically violent parents.

Victims mask the pain with a little holiday celebrating while the hate goes into darkness waiting for the next opportunity to show up.  "How about we do this with the children?  What about that?"  Far too many Christians turn away from God and look to idol worship to escape the pain within.  If they aren't worshipping mates, they are holiday celebrating hoping for someone or something to make them feel good in their labor intensive relationships.  Not only does a believer have a problem with his or her partner, but also with the God he or she serves. This due to the fact that the Creator has no fellowship with darkness and doesn't expect his children to support things having to do with darkness--no matter what spin one chooses to put on them.

Laboring to love an abuser is a problem, because once again there are warnings all around us, "Don't get involved with angry men and women."  But does the one who sold his or her soul to an unequally yoked union (and to Satan too), listen?

For the Christian the consequences are tough, but if you aren't one, then consider the negative vibe you are encouraging when you play with things that are still religious (you know Satanists have their holidays and Halloween is one of them), what might you be inviting to your home, one who doesn't believe in any God or gods? 

Between the ugliness with two people, who don't like one another much and all the children's glee surrounding them, at some point something is going to blow again and a conception, sacrifice, piece of candy, or smiles on children's faces won't prevent whatever "it" is from happening again.  Do something about relationship issues before something you might later regret happens. 

R.I.P. to the babies who were aborted this day and everyday. 

Nicholl McGuire

Tuesday

The Motivation to Rise Above Every Trial

You know you have to think beyond the scope of your situation.  You can't allow a negative man or woman to get the best of you.  If you were to stoop down to his or her level, you just might be the one abusing him or her or worse sending that individual to a place that he or she might never awake.  So you rise above fleshly desires.  You allow your spiritual self to take over and you ponder on your next move.  A short or long walk outdoors brings relief and safety, good music playing in earphones provides inner peace, silence and prayer heals, and a quality conversation with a kind friend helps ease the nerves.

If you are spiritual, you probably have God in the plan these days when it comes to dealing with an abusive mate.  You are praying, possibly fasting, and waiting on God to give you a sign, a blessing, or hoping for your abuser to leave.  I want you to know that He will move in His time.  He will see you through, but freedom doesn't come without sacrifice.  You have got to be strong enough to protect yourself and those you love from further abuse.  Did you catch that?  Too many men and women redefine an abusive relationship during temporal good times only to be disappointed once again during the next battle.  An abuser rarely changes.

I don't know what readers' situations are who visit this site, because it isn't wise to leave comments and other things when you know someone in the home is monitoring the websites you visit, but what you can do is continue to share your experiences with trusted friends and/or a professional counselor offline.  If you have a faith, you would also keep praying and talking to God while confessing sin and repenting. 

Abusers will drive you up the wall!  Your nerves are constantly on edge.  Sometimes you feel all alone especially if you have been with one for a long time.  You most likely have learned to isolate yourself, do as your told to keep the peace, while allowing a difficult partner to vent without saying much.  You or your abusers curses, threats, hits or shoves have taught you to minimize the arguing, fussing and fighting because these reactions don't do anything more than frustrate you, a partner and possibly those around you like children and elderly parents.

It is a miserable place to be in when you love someone who just doesn't know how to love back in healthy ways, but until you make up in your mind to break free from his or her programming and begin to live your best life now, the abusive man or woman will still feel the need to control you while you will continue to feel the need to stay.

You can rise above every trial by thinking positively about yourself.  Focusing on the good things that are happening in your life and what you hope to do in the future.  Thinking independently, without worrying over the abuser, and doing the kind of things that make a difference in your life.  Marriage vows means nothing to someone who doesn't love, but controls.  Promises are null and void to an easily angered, impatient man or woman.  A selfish partner is like a leopard he or she doesn't change his or her spots. 

Each step you make toward happiness will take you further and further away from the people, places and things that hurt inside.  Don't look for enablers and your abuser to validate your feelings or any decision you make that affects their power and control over you.  Reading good information to aid you in your situation(s) is the first step like what you are doing now.  But learn more.  For example,  if you know low self esteem is an issue, you would read about it (most victims don't think much of themselves, but are concerned about everyone else--they care far too much).  If you have money woes, you would learn how to better manage your money and so on.  Surrounding yourself around people who want the best that life has to offer is another step.  Saying "no" to an abuser from the smallest to the largest gives you strength, a great step that will cause you to think, "I don't have to do anything for him/her."  Bullies don't like when their targets stand up for themselves, keep doing it!  Fighting back gives you courage and provides an escape especially when police are called.  I'm alive today, because someone called the police.  Don't be put off by that--trust me it is a good thing, because it helps your case later if it should end up in court. 

If you feel like your abuser will hurt you for any and everything that you do apart from him or her and because you defend yourself, I urge you to create an exit plan; rather than cower like so many victims who end up asleep in their graves. 

Stop the excuse-making and don't let satanic influences including those that appear godly to keep you with an angry man or woman who steals your happiness, beats your mind and/or body down when the challenges arise, while ultimately destroying your spirit!  Your life is worth far more than appeasing a man or woman who could potentially kill you.  Seek counseling.  Check for assistance online by typing the abuse you are suffering, your city or state, and including the words "counseling," "women's group," "support," "housing" and other similar words.

May God be with you through this trial and others.

Nicholl McGuire provides spiritual encouragement, conviction and warning on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7. 

Tuesday

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate Blogger Nicholl McGuire

Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate is a blog that is maintained by Nicholl McGuire of Nicholl McGuire Media.  For years, this wife, mother and survivor has shared personal insight, stories, and media with readers curious about topics related to abuse or who are in toxic relationships.  If you are interested in partnering with this professional blogger, feel free to contact her at nichollmcguire@yahoo.com  Ad rates are affordable.  Nicholl appears at related events in Los Angeles County and is available to speak for a fee about domestic and dating violence and other related topics.

Some relationship and family books and blogs by Nicholl include:

Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men

Say Goodbye to Dad

When Mothers Cry

Laboring to Love Myself

Lovedatingadvice.BlogSpot.com

Tipsdatingoldermen.BlogSpot.com

Whenmotherscry.BlogSpot.com

NOTE:  The writings may be found on her blog: nichollmcguire.BlogSpot.com or you can find all links on anyone of Nicholl's latest YouTube pages in the description boxes.  Select a topic of interest here: http://www.youtube.com/nmenterprise7

Thanks for stopping by and showing your support!

In Love, Like? Don't Be Deceived Again





Sometimes women have a short memory when it comes to dating or marrying their charming partners.  Before long, they recognize similar mannerisms, conversations, and behaviors like that of the controlling men they have been influenced by growing up or dating in the past.  "Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men" is for women who may need a reminder to keep watch for signs in current partners that they overlooked in their past bad relationships before they get too emotionally and physically involved with yet another manipulator.

Book available with free sample here.

Saturday

On Identifying a Quality Domestic Violence Resource - Featured site ShepherdsDoor.org

Continuing with informative resources and groups about dating and domestic violence, Nicholl shares tips on selecting a quality group based on website and other details.  She references Shepherd's Door Domestic Violence Resource Center in this audio.  This organization provides social services throughout Pasadena, Altadena, and the San Gabriel Valley.  Learn more by visiting website while Nicholl mentions it in this audio, click here.

Friday

October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month - Featured site Safevoices.org

Are you in an abusive relationship, just got out of one or was in one awhile ago?  Having been through or still going through a tough time doesn't mean you can't warn others about dating or domestic violence. 

Kicking off the domestic violence awareness month, Nicholl shares abuse statistics listed on SafeVoices.org which were gathered from a variety of sources mentioned in audio and available on the site. In this message, the survivor adds thoughtful commentary generating deep thought about relationship abuse.  Listen and ponder on the following information.  Enlighten a few.  Feel free to follow along by clicking on SafeVoices.org and this audio, Why Does it Matter? Violent Relationship Stats.  

Thursday

The Sacrifices One Makes to be with Abusive Mate Who's a Different Ethnicity, Culture, Religion, Same Sex

One common denominator that all who have given up family tradition, religious beliefs, and more for their abusers is that they love their partners too much.

"I went against my dad's wishes for you...After all I did for you...I moved out of my country...My family shunned me because I wanted to be with you."

You or someone you know sacrificed a lot just to be with a partner who emotionally, sexually and/or physically abuses you or a friend.  But why stay?  Many victims have their reasons.  Sometimes there is no one and nothing else to turn to due to far too many sacrifices made.  Think about how much you have done so far for your partner. 

The abuser ultimately got his or her way, he or she might have wanted his or her partner isolated so that this person could have complete control of the relationship.  Everyone and everything that meant something to the victim was put on hold, distant, or cut off.  Independence is forbidden with possessive partners.  It all seemed okay during the early stage of the relationship. Yet, things change and now the victim is bitter, resentful, angry, and may even be depressed because he or she gave up his or her life to someone who he or she might have been warned about from the start.

"I don't know about this one, I don't trust him.  Something isn't right.  You sure you love her.  I would take things slow if I were you," advisers warned.

The name-calling and other insulting statements about one's ethnicity, culture, religion, or sexual preference are like daggers, they cut and then long after the arguments, they keep cutting.  One may have thought that someone they trusted and loved appreciated the skin he or she is in, his or her faith, and other personal interests, but when the discovery is made that the relationship was built on nothing more than an abuser's falsehoods and exaggerations, it can be devastating.  People lie all the time to get sex, money, homes, cars, power, control, babies, and more only to later change their minds, hearts and wallets.  It is actually a good thing when one exposes his or her pride, ignorance, jealous feelings, and racial views, it is then that the victim must do what he or she must to protect what little self-esteem still remains.

If you or someone you know has learned the truth about a lover's personal views, respect them even though he or she has repeatedly showed disrespect toward you.  The reason for your humble stance is quite simple, why continue to permit this person to irritate you to the point that you are swearing and fighting physically when you could have your freedom or job at stake, a child being impacted by the negativity and other issues?  Is defending yourself or retaliating getting anywhere?  Do something different for your own mental sanity. 

A person who doesn't like "those people...can't stand being around them...hate this and hate that..." doesn't want his or her mate acting or doing anything for his or her "kind" is someone who is prejudice/racist/sexist etc.  Heed the individual's warnings.  Sure they sound ugly, but he or she is communicating how one feels.  You have a right to listen or walk away. 

If you don't have children with this difficult person, avoid the tempting thoughts of pregnancy or adoption especially during those brief honeymoon periods.  Imagine what the future might be like for a child listening to troubled parents intensely arguing about one another's faith, skin tone, background, sexual preference, and more.  He or she would be torn between right and wrong, good and evil just because he or she doesn't want to disappoint argumentative parents in a unhealthy relationship.

Most likely, the abuser grew up in dysfunction; therefore, he or she will have no problem keeping the legacy going with anyone willing to put up with him or her.

Nicholl McGuire is the author of Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic and other books. 

On Re-Learning to Love Yourself

One of the biggest mistakes we make when getting involved with troubled people personally and/or professionally is that we choose to overlook the warning signs that tell us, "Something isn't right...This person is acting strangely, crazy...I should keep my distance." 

Some people will ignore the warning signs for reasons like, "Well, he doesn't look crazy...maybe it's me.  I guess she isn't so bad, she reminds me of..." and go ahead anyway with what appears to be a healthy connection until it turns into a mountain of dysfunction.  With every insult, anger outburst, and other negative emotions, one feeling within that starts to stand out more than others with some people is that of self-defeat.  The desire to win a great friendship, an argument, love, affection, a compliment, a gift, a ring, or anything else is no more.  Too tired, overwhelmed and bitter to keep trying, some so-called good men and women stray.  Before long, one is accepting whatever a user or abuser is giving in an effort to stay above water while doing a few things that boil the water too.

What do you think months or even years of appeasing someone, who doesn't genuinely love you or has no clue as to how to love, does to one's self esteem?  It breaks the individual down, makes him or her feel worthless.  So people like this begin to look for people, places and things to bring them comfort whether good, bad or otherwise.

You might have entered into a relationship with a difficult partner a whole person--confident and content with being you.  Yet, gradually your sense of well being started to break with your partner as the relationship grew older.  Once you are truly free from the unhealthy connection (not the temporary disconnection), work will be needed to rebuild your self esteem.  This is what so many victims don't realize before getting into yet another relationship, some time and space to heal is very necessary. It is important to complete you, make you priority once again and restore peace to your inner being.  There are many ways to do this, but the best way is to get rid of the baggage whether at home, work, church, and elsewhere.  Learn to say, "No."  Clean up your messes. 

People in challenging partnerships are so consumed by their dysfunctional mates that they forget about loving and caring for themselves from oftentimes.  Weight increases or decreases, bodily aches become more frequent, tempers are short, and other strange things occur in turbulent marriages and affairs.  In time, a love of self develops into hate especially when an individual begins to see the mess he or she has permitted in his or her life.

A healthy love of self begins when you are no longer around the people, places and things that remind you of how bad you are.  Recognize the fact that you are free to love and to live your life how you see fit.  It is okay to defend you, appreciate you, and above everything else protect you from the crazy-making people in your life.  If someone disagrees, question his or her mental stability.

Nicholl shares spiritual insight on YouTube and Spreaker
God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

Thoughts of Divorce?

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