Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

You don't understand how did we go from talking about something so simple to blowing up.  Two people had personal qualms with the other and didn't feel it necessary to say much about them until that major argument or physical fight.  Why?  You might ask yourself.  "Why do I put up with this person?"  It really isn't worth the headache or heartache day after day, month after month, or year after year.  But one has to wrap his or head around the idea that freedom is just around the corner.  No more days of wondering what might a partner do next to punish you.  What might he or she attempt to get away with behind your back yet again? Things never go back to the way they were when you are laboring to love an abusive person .  The mask fell off, the individual forgot to securely tie it on his or her face.  You see the ugly man or woman underneath.  "Why did I have to see that?"  You are turned off.  The personality disgusts you, turns your stomach like l

You thought that what you saw seated across the table from you was a genuine, honest, kind, sweet, and compassionate person weeks, months or years ago, right?  Now how does that date you saw back then, compare with who you see today? Intoxicated by those lovey dovey feelings early on, we allowed a lover to embrace us, make love to us, and also permitted him or her to get away with a lot in the beginning of the romance too.  Nothing was too big, too bad, too small, too anything when we let love take root.  "It's okay, it's alright...don't worry about it...I still love you.  We will get through this.  Remember we are together forever."  We didn't want to be judgmental of that special someone and we didn't want to hurt his or her feelings by telling this person what we really thought about the negative things he or she said and did.  We dismissed offenses and made excuses for things we should have questioned the individual about early on.  It was a fanta

If you think yelling, cursing, pushing, biting, kicking, and more that some couples do just because it's Valentine's Day will stop, think again!  This is an emotionally charged holiday for some that drives them to want to make past wrongs right through small or large tokens of appreciation depending on one's budget.  The less money, the more an abusive lover might be frustrated that he or she can't buy away guilty feelings.  For a victim of dating or domestic violence, no amount of money will quell the pain that eats away at some as a result of yet another barrage of insults, shaming, ignoring, lying, cheating, beating, etc.  The emotionally and physically broken partner might receive a sweet gift, have a nice dinner, attend a movie, and have sex with their abusive boyfriend or girlfriend, spouse, or lover, but it is only a matter of time that the abuse will start back up again. When you know that abuse whether emotional or physical is prevalent in your relationship,

When young women and men plan to go to college, they don't think much about intimate relationships.  They are too busy planning for the future, studying, and attending college events.  However, it happens, men and women meet each other, have sex, and then not long after find out they are involved with a control freak boyfriend or a crazy girlfriend with a violent past.  Mom and dad fought, sibilings squabbled, and the lack of money and resources brought their share of challenges to thoe household.  Then off these troubled people, with bad childhood memories, go off to college only to find out that life doesn't get any better when one's eyes aren't completely focused on those textbooks. Men will be men and boys will be boys, so the old adage goes, but this doesn't excuse verbal and physical abuse.  Women have the tendency to talk tough and act rough too and when this happens, their behavior isn't excused either.  The stress of college exams, financial issues a

Dating Violence Memoirs: Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate by Nicholl McGuire - YouTube

From abusive bullying to suicide prevention, this site offers some very useful information if you or someone you know is in an abusive relationship, see here: Domestic Violence and Abuse: Signs of Abuse and Abusive Relationships

Do you know the basic steps on how to avoid dating violence? Are you aware of how dating nightmares such as physical and emotional abuse can affect your self-esteem? How do you protect yourself from being on the receiving end of abuse in dating? Dating can be fun but it could make a turn for the worse if you end up with an abusive partner. Here are a few insights on how to avoid dating violence. The first step on how to avoid dating violence is to avoid guys who drink a lot or those who are into drugs. Alcohol and drugs can affect any person's disposition, making him more irritable and more prone to inflicting harm on other people. In order to avoid dating violence, you have to stay away from men who have a higher tendency of being violent when provoked. Overly jealous guys are also to be avoided. It's only natural for a guy to be jealous of his girlfriend's attention to other men. However, when the jealousy turns into possessiveness, it can get really dange

You may have heard a story about domestic violence, been a victim yourself or just don't understand why women stay, whatever your reason for being interested in Domestic Violence Awareness, you are at least making an attempt to educate yourself and possibly help someone else and that's all anyone who once was a victim and those who are now deceased would want, but for those people who want to do more, the following are tips to help you get started. First, conduct research about domestic violence. You should be able to answer some of the why, how, when, what, and who questions related to the subject. Also, read about others' plights. Even though many of the stories have similar patterns, there is always something new in each that may stimulate thoughts of " I never knew that." Second, be sure that you are sincerely empathetic and not judgmental about those who have been in violent relationships. You will know if you have resolved your own issues about women who sta

While it is a sick and sad thing to think about, animal abuse happens every day. There are many reasons why some people commit such horrible crimes. In many cases however, it has been proven time and time again that there is a link between animal abuse and domestic abuse. Those who commit acts of violence against lovers, children, and animals tend to do so because they feel empowered. They feel as though they can teach someone a lesson because the person or animal they are beating on is weaker than they are. This must stop. But when will it? Pets are a big part of homes that have children. In fact, 74.8 percent of the homes that have children, ages six and up, in them will have at least one pet. Women are the primary caregivers in three fourths of these homes. Reports collected from interviews with women in United States and Canadian domestic violence shelters show that about 70 percent have been witness to violence towards the animals in the home, from the abuser who attacked them. Wo

Whether you give your time, street or email address, you are giving something away usually to get something. I am asking you to support my book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. In abusive relationships, women and men are giving something away too -- their lives! Some are doing it fully aware of the consequences and others are too blind to see what is happening before them. Since my last posting to this site a young woman who was suppose to get my book died. She was hit by a car trying to run away from her abuser and died. Would my book have touched her heart? I don't know, but if my book can touch someone you know who is in a similar situation then why not get it for them before it's too late? I was a victim of dating/domestic violence in 1996 and then I became a survivor the following year! However, the years following would require spiritual counseling, prayer, and family. Some of you reading this are already aware of my book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate. O

Far too often, domestic abuse survivors go from the frying pan to the fire on their way out of an abusive relationship. And they wonder how this can happen. While it doesn’t always happen, it’s more common than most people realize. I lived systemic abuse; I write about it, I know it from the core of my being. But, I never understood it so thoroughly until I was asked to explain it to someone whose life was altered dramatically by it. What is “systemic abuse?” The word “systemic” is defined as “relating to or referring to the whole organism.” I liken systemic abuse to any systemic disease. It erodes the very elements that sustain the organism. Systemic abuse, as I see it, is the manifestation of abuse by that deemed to protect the abused. The net result: the perpetuation of domestic violence by the very systems that purport to stop it. Survivors of domestic abuse far too often meet systemic abuse face-to-face in their efforts to seek safety from an abusive partner. She can be the defend

Domestic violence reared its ugly head when Nicholl McGuire, a young college student met a man ten years older back in 1996. In her first book, Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, Nicholl struggles with whether she should stay or leave her abuser in a series of poems that chronicle her hellish nine-month experience. Her roller coaster ride of emotions in the book provide valuable insight on the struggles abused women face when making a decision to help or escape their abusers. “This book isn’t for the woman who has already left the relationship,” Nicholl says. “Instead, it’s for the woman who is contemplating on leaving the relationship and the woman whose still convinced she can help her lover come hell or high water. Readers will be advised, encouraged, and challenged to examine their own relationships through self-analysis questions that appear at the bottom of most pages in the book.” When asked why she wrote this book, Nicholl explains, “I wrote it because I remember feeling alone a

This has gotten past the point of ridiculous. You are not naive and have always understood that all dating relationships have their ups and downs. That also includes a fair amount of arguing. Everyone is different so there are bound to be occasional conflicts of opinion from time to time. That's how relationships work. But your dating partner has gone off the charts one too many times for you to ignore it anymore. Irritated turns into anger very quickly and then they fly into a rage that at times is out of control. And yes on more than one occasion it has scared the daylights out of you. Afterwards they calm down and apologize profusely (or do they?) and promise you it will never happen again. You've heard that before but it keeps happening and each time it gets a little more severe. For some people in a relationship, they look at this as a challenge to overcome. They decide that they are strong enough to not only take it but give it back in full force if necessary. By standing

When starting a new relationship, many women (and men as well) tend to overlook some behaviors in their new partner that do not bode well for the future. Then, down the road, comes the exclamation ‘If I had only known...’. As a Psychotherapist who has worked with mostly women and a few men in the field of Domestic Violence, during counseling sessions we can always trace back unpleasant and also dangerous character traits to the very start of the relationship. Here are some ‘Red Flags’ to watch out for in a new partner. • He makes decisions about where to go with little or no input from you. • He belittles your opinion when the two of you are alone and may call you names. • He makes disparaging remarks about you in front of others and may talk about you as if you were not there. • He may be rough during love-making and make you engage in acts you do not like. • He does not want to spend time with your friends or family and insists you socialize with his people. • He wi

Have you or do you know someone who has been abused or been involved in an abusive relationship ? What is your definition of abuse? All of us know that physical violence is abuse. We also know there is emotional and mental abuse too, but do we know what it really is? What counts as abuse? I, myself have experienced physical, emotional, and mental abuse to different degrees. My family members and friends have suffered abuse from spouses and significant others, and in some cases even family members. If you slap someone, that is abuse, and we know that. If you tell someone to shut up, is that abuse? Is it the tone of your voice or the conviction in which you say it, do those things make it abuse? Name calling is definitely a form of abuse. Abuse breaks a person down bit by bit. Sometimes you don't make it back. Your self -esteem is gone, you become out of control yourselves, sometimes the victim becomes the abuser. Abuse will affect the way you look at yourselves and oth

Could it Be That These Health Issues Contributed to Women Being Abusive Toward Men? "What did he do to cause her to hit him? He probably deserved it." "As big as he is and he is accusing her of being abusive?" "Why would he call the police on her?" This is just a sample of the many quotes that have been said about men who have been in violent relationships with their abusive wives and girlfriends. Women aren't the only victims when it comes to domestic violence, men have their share of stories too. "It takes two to tango," so the saying goes. And what the public rarely hears is his side of the story and if he chooses to share it, would we believe him anyway? Picture this, an irritable, emotional, hungry, wife with an emotional disorder that occurs two weeks out of every month. She doesn't seem to think her problem is serious. She barks out orders to her husband and children like a drill sergeant. She makes false accusations abo

People define cheating differently. Some people define it as an emotional act as well as a physical act and others just define it as a physical act. That topic alone can cause some issues in a relationship if both parties define cheating differently. So, in order to eliminate obstacles that may later come into play it's always best to make certain you know how the other person in the relationship defines something like that. Although it's not pertinent that couples are exactly alike, there are obviously some important areas in a relationship which help uplift it rather than hinder it. And this type of topic can be one of those things. Truthfully, I believe that it's difficult to keep the romance alive and a relationship on a positive note if you're unable to work in unity with your spouse. Especially if one of you defines cheating in one way and the other defines cheating in another way. Usually, physical cheating is what we all refer to as cheating. It's