Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Although I didn't have any new visible scars after I left my abusive relationship back in 1996, I did have plenty of wounds on my heart and my mind that didn't start to heal until I recognized the truth about myself and the man I thought would one day be my husband. I realized that I had a history of connecting with wounded souls on an intimate level even when I really didn't like my dates that much from the start.  How and why did that happen?  It may have started back during my teens when I thought that appeasing a hurting man or woman by giving into their requests was the way to go based on the dysfunctional programming that I watched on and off the television screen.  I saw my relatives do just that when I was a child--give in.  Time and time again they would act like they didn't want to help a manipulator, player, pimp, or hustler, but their mouths would say, "Yes, but only this time."  Codependency was something I was all too familiar with since as a c...

She smiles at her neighbors, makes small talk with co-workers, and works hard to be nice to family members, but inside she is a wreck.  He tells people how great he feels, how well his family is doing and how proud he is of them, while carrying around past offenses.  Both are unhappy , but they will never tell you. When I was in abusive situations (mental and physical), then later getting married for the first time, I wore a bright smile despite much of the pain I was going through inside.  I laughed with people, made jokes, carried myself in positive ways, that unless you knew me very well, you wouldn't know I was in pain.  I was often angry inside, because I couldn't make troubled partners behave.  I detected that there was something wrong with them, me and what we called a "relationship," but I felt so helpless.  So I masked the ugly stuff  I was feeling inside with shopping, pretty makeup and eye-catching hairstyles.  When ch...

The subway rider (woman in red jacket) is pregnant in pain, she says.  Her boyfriend is saying some things to her that gets her emotionally charged, she says things back that make him angry.  He is in her face, she hits him.  This was the first blow in public view.  He is upset, puts his hands on her.  The crowd reacts to the man, but did nothing when the woman hit him first.  When things are calm, they are back to disputing again.  This time the woman slaps the man, crowd unresponsive.  No one comes over to the woman and tells her anything or restrains her.  When the boyfriend attempts to pay her back, it isn't long before he is locked up with a bystander.  One of the witnesses say something like, "You should have walked away..." to the man.  If the police had arrived, and if everyone would have been honest about the fight, the couple would have been taken to jail.   Lesson to be...