No one ever expects to marry an abuser, yet unfortunately, it happens more often than we'd like to admit. Emotional and physical abuse - whether it be part of a single incident or an on-going pattern - can take a devastating toll on the victim's sense of self, sense of safety and overall wellbeing. That is why it is so important for individuals in such an unhealthy and destructive relationship to recognize the signs and get out sooner rather than later. In this blog post, I will discuss some tell-tale signs that can indicate a person has married an emotionally and physically abusive partner as well as why time is of the essence when deciding to leave such a miserable relationship.
1. Your partner constantly blames you for their unhappiness and belittles your accomplishments and ideas.
2. Your spouse is incredibly controlling, demanding to know where you are at all times, who you are with, and what you are doing.
3. They become very jealous if you show any interest in someone else or even talk to them.
4. You find yourself walking on eggshells around your partner because anything you say could be taken the wrong way or set off an argument.
5. Your partner has a history of violence or property damage from past relationships that they tell you about after it's too late to do anything about it.
6. Your partner threatens physical harm when they feel like they have been wronged in any way, shape, or form.
7. They use manipulation tactics such as guilt-tripping, gaslighting, and playing the victim in order to get their way and control the situation.
8. Your partner is verbally abusive towards you by calling you names such as “stupid” or “useless” in order to bring down your self-esteem and make themselves feel better about themselves.
9. They constantly criticize everything that you do, including how you dress, how you look, how well (or not) things go at work or school, etc., even though none of these things have anything to do with them personally (other than wanting to control your life).
10. Your partner has extreme mood swings with no apparent explanation for why they might be feeling particularly angry one day or happy another day without external influences causing it (i.e. drugs/alcohol).
11. Your spouse puts unreasonable restraints on when and how often it is okay for you to see other family members/friends outside of the home; this includes whether it's okay for them to come over and visit as well as setting very limited timeframes in which communication can happen between those people and yourself (even when there hasn't been an altercation between those people).
12. Your partner becomes overly defensive whenever anyone questions their behavior or actions - regardless of whether it's a friend pointing out something helpful or a complete stranger asking a seemingly innocent question - they take offense immediately without hesitation sometimes leading into aggressive behavior (such as raising their voice).
13. Your spouse lies habitually either forgetfully not remembering facts they've previously brought up in conversation due to lying so often; this could also include omitting details purposely when recounting events that have happened so as not to incriminate themselves – if found out later on; this could cause further issues down the line with trust being broken. Once again further pushing away your loved ones from staying involved in the relationship longer term (due to fear of repercussions from speaking up).
14. Your partner withholds affection from time-to-time without giving any explanation as to why – this can create feelings of insecurity within oneself. You're not knowing what has happened that suddenly caused them not to show love anymore. You may eventually do the same and sometimes this can lead into a downward spiral of loneliness due to the lack of communication within the relationship. This will eventually cause you both to either do things separately, live apart or divorce. Sometimes cheating is involved whether you or they seek the comfort in someone else even though your abusive partner started the cycle of withholding affection.
15. You find yourself being heavily monitored when using social media platforms by your spouse - whether through snooping around profiles without permission or actively questioning who comments and likes posts made by yourself – all signs point towards an unhealthy level of control occurring which will potentially lead to further issues!
16. Your spouse promises change but never follows through – instead making excuses for why something didn't work out or blaming either party involved. The abuser may often break promises. These repeated occurrences can cause feelings of frustration and hopelessness arising within while you know full well nothing may not be solved, corrected, addressed, fixed, etc. anytime soon and yet another excuse is sure to follow why the promise was not fulfilled!
17. Your partner withdraws money/assets from joint accounts without discussion beforehand – not only does this leave one person feeling betrayed but also creates financial instability within the household due to a sudden lack of funds available. This may ultimately lead to divorce leaving both you and your partner struggling financially afterwards despite having worked hard together building a nest egg over the course of the marriage before falling apart.
18. Your spouse loses interest quickly after arguments occur – rather than discuss differences constructively and peacefully like two mature adults. Mature couples suggest possible solutions going forward based off mutual understanding gained throughout conversation instead of emotionally shutting down where there is no action taken except for gossiping amongst friends and family members. Thus creating more negative vibes from them who are judging you and your partner and may not be willing to move on especially if they are aware of the abuse. They most likely would be encouraging a separation or divorce.
19. Your partner fails to recognize boundaries set by yourself and possibly him/her – whether verbalized directly calmly or during heated debates/discussions, the abuser makes excuses as to why he or she doesn't respect those boundaries leaving you feel angry or guilty about having to discuss the disrespectful behaviors repeatedly.
Many people in abusive relationships don’t realize just how damaging the environment is for them. Not only can physical abuse lead to lifelong physical injuries, it can also take a major toll on mental health by causing depression, anxiety and post-traumatic stress disorder. Emotional abuse can be hard to notice since there are no visible scars, but the wounds it causes can be even deeper than physical abuse. Living under such conditions can lead to low self-esteem, loneliness and a feeling of helplessness. Exiting an abusive relationship as soon as possible is important because it will help to reduce further harm and provide an opportunity to begin healing. Finding safety and support with family or friends can be a huge step toward recovery and eventually regaining control of one’s life.
Too Much Too Soon Internet Dating Blues, Socially Sweet Privately Cruel Abusive Men, She's Crazy, Laboring to Love Myself, and Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate, the book are all available on Amazon.com written by Nicholl McGuire. Get your copy today and be free!
