Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Here are many signs one must watch out for when involved or married to someone who is mean, sometimes nice, mean, sometimes nice and so on to you and others.  If the pattern of verbal and/or physical abuse is allowed to continue, you best believe you have yourself a manipulative, emotionally abusive partner.  Most women and men settle because they are already caught in their abusers' webs.  They are often defensive, unhappy, jealous of others, and mean-spirited just like the abusive men and women they have partnered with. 1.  Spouse or lover rarely if ever comforts you--isn't that interested in your "issues." 2.  Doesn't apologize when at fault. 3.  You don't feel beautiful around him or her.  Compliments are rationed out, insults (or jokes) are given, or nothing is said at all. 4.  You are used like a puppet on strings to finance trips, pay household bills, clean home, perform errands, cook, babysit, assist with past due items, etc. meanwhile you ha

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An angry, troubled, or mean-spirited partner isn't going to change as long as you enable him or her and neither are you.  How long will you keep loving a screwed up person while sacrificing the love you have for yourself? A victim who has been hurt so much by a partner (and others) is going to eventually withdraw affection in a relationship. How many times does one think you can keep hollering, name-calling, lying, shoving, threatening, and more and the good times are going to keep on rolling? When laboring to love someone, you eventually burn out.  You start to recognize you aren't smiling or laughing like you use to around the individual.  You discover that you can be happy without him or her.  You enjoy life the way God intended as long as the trouble-making, energy sapping person is not around you. Relationships are hard work, but worse with mean, crazy-making people.  These partnerships are mentally and physically demanding with controlling, hot-tempered or moody me

NOTE:  Some men might change, but not all especially when drugs, alcohol, bad associations, and ignorance is involved.  A hatred of women, self-hatred, personal prejudices, and more will only aggravate an already bad situation that should have ended a long time ago.  A man who wasn't always verbally abusive might go about his relationship differently, but don't hold your breath, create distance from someone who is hurting you.  Listen to what verbal abuse sounds like at its worse below:  Example of a Verbally Abusive Relationship that Didn't Change!

If you want respect, you have to earn it, so the old adage goes.  So here you are in a new dating relationship.  You find that at times your date can be really disrespectful to others.  It is only a matter of time that he is going to be angry with you.  If you set him or her straight early, you will be showing him or her that if this person really wants to be with you, he or she can't curse you.  There are other ways to address a matter besides name-calling, insulting, or jumping in someone's face.  But where many new couples make their mistake is they allow their partners to say disrespectful things to them early on. At first a date seems to be saying some harmless things and may even be joking.  But then in time, the words become more threatening and at times he or she looks like their losing it.  He calls her a few chose names and then she follows up with a few creative curse words.  Before long, the couple is having a contest called,  "Who can curse the loudest."

On behalf of those of us who have experienced this reality - and we are many - it is my objective to enlighten others who find themselves in similar circumstances -- to save others from unnecessary pain and break the cycle of abuse among us for the benefit of today's families and future generations. If someone who reads this sees himself or herself and demands better, then I will consider my undertaking as having had significant value. Perhaps like you, I never dreamed she would be "one of them," could never have contemplated the possibility that abuse would touch our family or imagined that my children and I would, for a time, live in fear, be forced to leave our home. On the other side of insanity; however, the day came when we found freedom and a fresh start to begin restoring a measure of what was taken from us, and what I, through my enabling behaviors, gave away. As a young woman, I had seen "Sleeping With the Enemy" and read my share of arti

I am a man of 54 years now. But despite seeing so many things in my life and experiencing all the emotions, I feel hurt when I am verbally abused. It is not that verbal abuse does not hurt. Some people think that verbal abuse can be easily forgotten and one may go forward. Yes, one goes forward but the scars of the wound inflicted by the verbal abuse go along with many of us. How about a child? A child can be verbally abused in many ways. Children abusing each other with name calling etc. are common. But worse is verbal abuse by elders. Parents, relatives and teachers form part of this group in a child's life. Many parents have set ideas about how a child should behave. If the child does not behave that away, the parents do not explain them the right way but make fun of them verbally. If such fun is made in presence of others the child's psyche is hurt. The hurt may look very innocent but that makes a child feel insecure about themselves. The children lose faith in their own ab

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Our society is filled with verbal and emotional abuse, from radio and TV commentators and presidential candidates, to parents, educators, employers and managers. As Patricia Evans states in "The Verbally Abusive Relationship", the old adage, "Sticks and stones can break my bones but words will never hurt me," is not at all true. Just as physical abuse is wounding the to body, verbal abuse is deeply wounding to the soul. If you grew up in a verbally and/or emotionally abusive family, you might not realize when you are being abusive and when you are being abused. Behind verbal and emotional abuse is always about a desire to control the other person - to have power over the other's feelings and actions. Verbal abuse includes: • Being Irritable, impatient, and argumentative • Blaming anger, unpredictable anger, hostility, explosiveness, jealousy • Blaming the other for the abuser's behavior • Demanding, ordering • Being critical and judgmental Verbal abuse is al