Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Problems on top of problems is what I thought prior to writing this.  Some will add more drama to their personal lives without solving the problems that already exist.  Running from the problem at home is not going to make matters better.  Sure, for a few hours at the dinner table you drink and eat then spend some time watching TV and happy children playing, or you quietly whisper about a partner in the next room to a relative, but do you really plan on doing anything? A victim must be very selective when it comes to who he or she confides in.  The family gossip isn't going to help matters, an elderly person who is ill-equipped to handle stress isn't the least bit interested in being a good listener, and a parent or sibling who is worn out with story-telling isn't coming to your rescue if they too are in dysfunctional relationships.  Everyone just wants to have a good time.  The problem with that is people like this are unreliabl...

They are angry, bitter, abusive and will blame their victims for any and everything that goes on in their lives.  You might be the closest one to them, you love and stand by them, but how much can you take?  These are abusive people who we love. For years, the Laboring to Love...team has provided resources, tips and interviews to people who are just like you looking for a bit of peace of mind when it comes to loving someone who acts unlovable.  We labor to love abusive people and we pay the price too for doing so!  So if you feel at your wits end, do scroll around this site for helpful information related to your abusive experiences or someone else's. For the latest postings, do subscribe to this blog.  If you are a business or group benefiting from this work, we ask that you assist us by donating generously to Nicholl McGuire Media.  Since 2007, we have cherry-picked some of the best and most useful information to he...

You felt like you lost the battle.  You didn't feel heard, weren't respected, and there was no solution and/or agreement provided, now what?  Well, you can't force someone to go along with you if he or she is not open to receiving what you say no matter how valuable you think your insight might be in helping matters.  So what now? 1.  Find out what you can do to provide peace of mind for you .  Ask yourself, "How can I best manage the situation/problem on my end?' 2.  Be prepared for any backlash, because you took matters into your own hands. Have a list of reasons ready, proof, and anything else you need if your partner should confront you later. (Note: if you fear he or she will abuse you, contact police station.  An officer can show up to your residence without it being an emergency just state what your concerns are when you call). 3.  Know yourself and how long and how much you are willing to deal with when it comes to a diffi...

After listening to that voicemail over and over again, I couldn't believe that the man who claimed he loved me would stoop so low. He knew what the relationship deal breaker was from the start, and that was cheating. Yet, he did it anyway. Her voice was soft, inviting and she looked forward to seeing him again. When I approached him with my discovery, his face looked sad, angry, and confused all at the same time. The red, round face barked about why was I looking in his things and went into denial about not being with her when he was supposed to be out grocery shopping. Funny, that day in question, he only returned with a few items. After yelling and crying much, I lost my footing and let the wall catch my back as I slipped slowly onto my behind. My head was bent, face in hands and so was my heart. In between sobs, I managed to get out, "This is over, I am leaving and I'm taking the baby too!" You think he would have objected after years spent together ...

Lisa A. Romano is a Breakthrough Life Coach who specializes in helping people heal their childhood programming. If you have been raised by alcoholics, narcissists, or if you are struggling with codependency, and have been attracting narcissists into your life these videos will help you unravel the dysfunctional beliefs that are holding you back. For professional inquires; http://www.healingselfesteem.com

This is a list of quality websites with useful information when it comes to sexual abuse, rape or incest.  Hotline numbers are available. 1) Sexual Abuse Resources - PublicHealth.org 2) Preventing Child Sexual Abuse Resources 3) Sexual Abuse | National Child Traumatic Stress Network ... 4) Sexual Abuse - American Psychological Association 5) Christian Resources for Adult Survivors of Child Sexual Abuse What Christians Get Wrong About Sexual Abuse Read more at http://www.relevantmagazine.com/current/what-christians-get-wrong-about-sexual-abuse#A5rRY0XCPi00Z8Hc.99   Facts About Homosexuality and Child Molestation http://psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html  

Have you ever been given the advice to act boring, look unattractive, and rid yourself of the things you know your abusive partner likes prior to ending a relationship?  Well if you haven't, let me introduce you to yet another effective method for some people in bad relationships who know full well they are with psychopaths.  Many abusers are attracted to nice, seemingly caring people who are beautiful, generous, and own quality things (or if they know you might get something useful in the future they just might stick around).  But what if you recreate your reality to push your mean-spirited partner out the door?  What if you were dull, not helpful, quiet, non-responsive, don't react to anything...you just might get "Trouble" to go away.  Learn about the The Gray Rock Method of Dealing With Psychopaths.  

You are left with no alternative when staying in a relationship with someone who continues to bring you down on a daily basis.  No matter how much you talk, buy gifts, prepare good meals, respond to his or her needs, scream, cry, moan, complain, or threaten, an abusive mate isn't the least bit interested in changing.  Sure, he or she will make promises and temporarily act on them while you go along for a time, but the elephant is still in the room and no one is doing anything about it.  What now?  It is only natural to want out of a situation that makes you feel like you are "useless, a nag, b*tch, trouble, crazy" or whatever else an abusive partner has labeled you.  Check out this writing by Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men author Nicholl McGuire.  This work is for both men and women laboring to love the un-loveable.  Thinking About Divorce A Lot?  How Bad Is It?

She smiles at her neighbors, makes small talk with co-workers, and works hard to be nice to family members, but inside she is a wreck.  He tells people how great he feels, how well his family is doing and how proud he is of them, while carrying around past offenses.  Both are unhappy , but they will never tell you. When I was in abusive situations (mental and physical), then later getting married for the first time, I wore a bright smile despite much of the pain I was going through inside.  I laughed with people, made jokes, carried myself in positive ways, that unless you knew me very well, you wouldn't know I was in pain.  I was often angry inside, because I couldn't make troubled partners behave.  I detected that there was something wrong with them, me and what we called a "relationship," but I felt so helpless.  So I masked the ugly stuff  I was feeling inside with shopping, pretty makeup and eye-catching hairstyles.  When ch...

How many times does one excuse unacceptable behaviors before realizing that he or she is living a lie?  Persuading his or herself into thinking, "No he didn't just do that...My kid is just exaggerating...No, it really wasn't that bad...Things will be okay.  She really means well."  Really? Let's go over last night, the night before, or maybe a month ago.  What happened?  What did your partner say and what did you do about an abusive episode, a screaming match, cheating, drinking, etc.?  How do you now feel since "it" occurred?  Have you talked about anything and come to any solution as of yet?  Should you and/or children even be around this person? Cast aside your partner's explanation for whatever that bad something was, religious or secret group views, what parents and others say, what is the truth that you know?  Deep within you know something isn't or wasn't right, so why act as if all is okay and you and/or children will just get ov...