Wednesday

Some Relationships Just Aren't Meant to Be: A Personal Experience

After listening to that voicemail over and over again, I couldn't believe that the man who claimed he loved me would stoop so low. He knew what the relationship deal breaker was from the start, and that was cheating. Yet, he did it anyway. Her voice was soft, inviting and she looked forward to seeing him again.

When I approached him with my discovery, his face looked sad, angry, and confused all at the same time. The red, round face barked about why was I looking in his things and went into denial about not being with her when he was supposed to be out grocery shopping. Funny, that day in question, he only returned with a few items.

After yelling and crying much, I lost my footing and let the wall catch my back as I slipped slowly onto my behind. My head was bent, face in hands and so was my heart. In between sobs, I managed to get out, "This is over, I am leaving and I'm taking the baby too!" You think he would have objected after years spent together and we shared a son. But he didn't. A tear slipped from one of his eyes as he walked out the room.

Problem solved for him, I and baby were leaving and he could have his fun. So the drama ended, right? No. I moved out with fussy baby in tote in the middle of January 2000 on a zero below day with the help of family. Back to my childhood home, the place I didn't want to return to because the people there would say, "I told you so. He wasn't any good...I could see it."

After a few months of shuffling baby back and forth between mean glares, quick retorts, and grabbing baby stuff, my ex and I were slowly getting over the past. Our cordial sides were emerging and we actually smiled again at one another. One day, I was shocked when he gave me a hug and apologized. He was still "my ex," at least so I had thought, I was dating and so was he. "He was ugly...no longer my type...not for me," I told others.

Something eventually softened within, okay so it was my heart. Before long we were dating, making love passionately and uh oh, another baby on the way! He promised me that things would be different this time. We expressed how we didn't make time for one another since the first baby's arrival and how much we still loved each other.

Less than a year after our separation, we looked for and engagement and wedding rings, then set a date and got married. But it wouldn't be long before old demons would come out of the shadows again. Yet, we remained committed for almost eight years with a few more make up to break up scenarios in between before the relationship ended in divorce.

The ride together was exciting, fun, and also very hurtful. Through our pain, we discovered that when something isn't meant to be, no matter how much wishful thinking, prayer, and niceties, it just isn't meant.
Nicholl McGuire is the author Socially Sweet, Privately Cruel Abusive Men and other books. 

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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