Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

We have seen the movies, listened to talk show hosts, heard stories about relatives, friends and co-workers, and some of us were victims ourselves, domestic abuse hasn't gone anywhere.  No matter how much a civic group preaches about "no more abuse,"  there will always be someone somewhere who feels that it is his or her right to abuse over and over again! What we already know about domestic abuse is that it is a pattern and/or cycle of controlling behavior and this typically occurs with people who live together or have lived together.  The behaviors can be life threatening and lead to a premature death for victims.  Domestic abuse spreads throughout generations and it doesn't matter your background, ethnicity, faith, gender, sexuality, social class, etc.  However, what we need to know is that in times of crisis (such as what we are still in), the abuser is more agitated, angry, difficult to talk to, and if he or she has lost employment, the constant worry abou...

Yelling, threatening, punishing...this was not what I signed up for.  What kind of relationship was this?  In the 1990s, I was still discovering unique traits about myself before I ended up in a violent relationship. At times, I wasn't easily understood by family and friends.  Being in an intimate relationship was really not ideal for me at the time.  It was enough trying to figure out my personal interests outside of college and where I might end up being employed later.  I was quite young, a mere 20 years old and not a virgin.  Yet, I still dabbed acne cream on random pimples that would sprout up whenever my menstrual cycle would rear its ugly head. I was still fitting into clothing from the ninth grade and still standing at the bus stop sucking on a lollipop in the words of rapper L.L. Cool J.  I was still cute in the face while my body was maturing in clothing that showed my best features.  The socially sweet, privately cruel abusive m...

Victims are trapped with their abusers. The coronavirus not only disrupted lifestyles, jobs, schools, and more, but also the will for many victims to leave their abusers.  When a man, woman, or child is relying on someone for food, shelter, and money, they are less likely to leave if they feel like there is no one or group that can help outside of their abuser. Cities like Chicago, Kansas City, Los Angeles, Memphis, and New Orleans all experienced an increase in domestic violence cases while other violent crimes decreased.  The reasons for this include severe poverty and stress.  An abuser or victim who loses his or her job is not going to be a pleasant person to be around.  The daily worry of not having enough to eat, drink, or money will send an unstable person over the edge coupled with crying and/or fighting children.  Anyone within striking distance will suffer at the hands of an abuser! When victims want desperately to return to workplaces by any me...

Just because he doesn't curse and act threatening like he did when he was younger, doesn't mean he has changed.  Just because she doesn't holler and throw things like she did about 20 plus years back, doesn't mean she is sweet now.  The aging emotionally and physically abusive man or woman is simply tired of fighting.  They don't have the energy like they once did to kick, shove, punch, or chase their victims around the house.  You know they haven't changed when... 1)  They still call you or someone else hurtful names while blaming and shaming. 2)  They threaten to hurt you even though they haven't bothered to get up out the chair. 3)  They still use power and control tactics to get their way--they might use their bodily aches and pains to win sympathy. 4)  They still lie or cover up their misdeeds especially past ones. 5)  They still don't apologize. 6)  They still avoid getting any help for their personality disorders or mental ...

They can't help themselves.  You should know by now if you have spent anytime with an emotionally and/or physically abusive partner.  No matter how much you want them to be honest, considerate, kind, loving, appreciative, or any other trait you deem righteous, it just isn't in him or her to be that way, at least not for long!  Don't think for one minute an evil partner is clueless as to how they are mistreating others whether verbally or non-verbally.  They know full well what they are doing, they just don't know how to control the evil within.  Believe an abusive spouse or date when they say, "I am bad...wrong for you...I have a dark side.  Sometimes I can't stand myself."  Yet, don't believe them when they say, "I am good.  I am a great human being.  I am a nice person.  I would never hurt you."  Those delusional statements do not accurately describe them.  To select individuals, evil people put on an act; they pretend li...