Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

When most people think of abuse in a marriage, they naturally figure that the man is beating the woman (in some cases, the woman actually beats the man). Abuse does not always involve violence though. The greatest form of abuse that is experienced in a troubled marriage is verbal abuse. What exactly is verbal abuse? It is hostile language that is specifically meant to demean and hurt the listener. Many, including the courts, take the side that it is harmless, but that's completely false. It can be just as dangerous as someone waving a knife in your face. This is because it is often a precursor to physical violence. Generally, someone doesn't just walk up to another person and start punching them for no reason. Everything begins with words. Many people know there is no law against verbal abuse in the United States so it probably isn't considered a real problem. These people are wrong. Intense verbal abuse can cause a victim to have feelings of low self wo...

This is some creepy deal. He says he loves you, yet he hits you and then you don't know what to make of it because you are head over heels in love with him. While some say 'If he hits you once, he will most definitely hit you again', others choose 'Not all physical altercation between lovers continues to re-occur'. Now you are stuck in the middle, having to decide. Its two ways actually, it's either, you walk away and never get to realize if the love would have grown better and he never would have hit you again, or you decide to stay in the relationship and meet your untimely death. Yeah! Real scary. I happened to be in an abusive relationship once. And when I got out, I knew better than to ever think of going back. I guess I used to see the signs, but I just decided not to dwell on them. The fact that he was overtly jealous didn't give me cause for concern because I took it that he loved me so much, hence the high level of jealousy and poss...

After an abusive situation, sometimes people find that it is very hard to trust anyone including relatives and dear friends. Nicholl McGuire, Author of Laboring to Love Myself , shares her experience. Read more here: Laboring to Love People: Excerpt from Laboring to Love Myself

Violent and abusive relationships can happen in any age group; however, teens face a unique set of challenges. Young teens may not know who to turn to get help or may think their mate’s jealousy and possessiveness are just more signs of “true love.” Teenage dating is not always an innocent phase of life just before adulthood. It can even turn deadly. Many times violence is after a break up in a relationship that was not previously violent. It is estimated that more 10 percent of teens nationwide are in a dating violence situation. What should a teen do if he or she feels they are in an abusive relationship or is thinking of leaving a violent mate? You should seek help from a trusted adult or a domestic-violence group. Each case is different. In some cases you may need to get an order of protection. In other cases it may be enough to just break up the relationship. Because of a teen’s age and inexperience it may be harder than adults to recognize the warning signs of abuse...

Prescription drugs are the second most commonly used drugs in America, just behind marijuana, yet they are far more dangerous and highly addictive. People believe they are safe because they are legal with a prescription, but they do not realize that they are putting themselves in severe physical and psychological danger by taking prescription drugs. Narcotics are the most commonly abused prescription drugs and include painkillers like Vicodin, Oxycontin, Darvocet, Percocet, and Hydrocodone. They are prescribed to treat moderate to severe pain for post-op treatment, illness, and injuries. But the problem is, these drugs were designed to relieve pain temporarily. Once the painkiller effects wear off, a person will need to take another dose to feel relief, and then another, and then another. Pretty soon, the prescription or prescriptions run out, but there is still pain - either physical or emotional. The person begins to experience withdrawal symptoms, which can cause ev...

Dating someone who is violent? You aren't alone. Vision - The GLOBAL Good Foundation

Domestic abuse can be very damaging to families both physically and emotionally. These crimes are taken very seriously by the court systems. There are many different types of household abuse, each of which carries different legal consequences. Understanding some of the common legal penalties for domestic violence can help anyone struggling with a domestic abuse situation. Physical violence is usually what people think of regarding household abuse. This can include common forms of abuse like punching, hitting, pushing, and throwing things. However, there are also less common forms of physical abuse which include things like false confinement or imprisonment or denying necessary medical treatment. This type of household violence is usually prosecuted according to the level of assault that was committed. Emotional and verbal abuse, though it doesn't cause bodily injury, is just as serious as physical harm. Those who have been emotionally damaged by a spouse or other m...

There are those people who live in a fantasy world. They want everything to be right in a superficial world they have created for self. If anything is out of place, then someone has to pay. For instance, maybe he or she has had a dream since childhood that is now unreasonable with family and children, but it doesn't matter what you or anyone else thinks. Maybe they have suggested you change your hair, body, or something else about your appearance because it doesn't fit into their dream of what beauty is suppose to look like. This person may be a mother or father and resent the fact that the children are "messing up their world." You walk on egg shells with these type of people. Sometimes you don't know whether you are in or out of the relationship from one day to the next. These narcissistic types are usually male and they have a long list (like some women) on what they expect their partner to do for them in a relationship meanwhile giving very little in re...

Codependents and Adult Children of Alcoholics are prone to see the world and events in black and white. It is one way to make sense out of what really makes no sense at all. If we put a label that clearly defines something we are more equipped to deal with it. Or so we believe. When it comes to relationships, and in particular, relationships in our family or with a spouse, that becomes a big problem as a person starts to come out of the denial that there really were some problems in their family. Now that they see the dysfunction and how bad that was - it is hard to see anything "good" in the dysfunctional relationship. My family life had love and affection. For years that is how I viewed my family. That is the only perspective I allowed myself to experience. However, it also had chronic dysfunctional problems that colored how I viewed life, myself, God, and others. It took me decades and a lot of recovery work to begin to understand that. I have detailed some of these iss...

On behalf of those of us who have experienced this reality - and we are many - it is my objective to enlighten others who find themselves in similar circumstances -- to save others from unnecessary pain and break the cycle of abuse among us for the benefit of today's families and future generations. If someone who reads this sees himself or herself and demands better, then I will consider my undertaking as having had significant value. Perhaps like you, I never dreamed she would be "one of them," could never have contemplated the possibility that abuse would touch our family or imagined that my children and I would, for a time, live in fear, be forced to leave our home. On the other side of insanity; however, the day came when we found freedom and a fresh start to begin restoring a measure of what was taken from us, and what I, through my enabling behaviors, gave away. As a young woman, I had seen "Sleeping With the Enemy" and read my share of arti...

Today, domestic violence is becoming a well-known problem, but few people realize that women in romantic relationships aren't the only victims. Domestic violence is defined as any violence that occurs in a household, whether between close family relationships or even among distant relatives who happen to be living under the same roof. The most widely publicized forms of domestic violence include that between the husband or father as abuser and girlfriends, wives, and children as victims, although it can actually occur between any family members. Domestic abuse may occur in a wide variety of situations. It may include not only physical abuse, but also sexual abuse, in which the abuser uses force to compel the victim to participate in a sexual act. This can occur even if the victim and the abuser are married or in a romantic relationship. Although identification of physical or sexual domestic abuse is not difficult to uncover by those closest to the victims, it is of...

Although it may come as a surprise, the fact is controlling relationships are far more common than most people realize. Controlling relationships are mostly a by-product of people who have had the unfortunate experience of being reared in homes that were highly unstable and/or one or both of the parents was quite controlling. Like actors in a play, in most controlling relationships there are two roles being played out, the controller and the controlled. The person who is trying to do the controlling is almost always trying to compensate for the "out of control" nature of the environment they grew up in. Internal fears of life spiraling out of control plague people with regular control problems. Their context for life was set in childhood and they often continue living out of that paradigm even though it's no longer relevant. The unstable home environment could have been a result of an alcoholic parent(s), an absent workaholic parent(s), the breakdown of the marriage, or s...

Days He abides by the man's rule. Evenings he seeks to regain his authority. She greets him. The woman he shaped, he molded, he scolded. His head slowly bends down and she waits for the king to respond, but he is quiet. She takes her cue and shies away his meal is cooked his dishes are washed his clothes are clean and put away his bills are paid his castle is kept like her. College-educated, employed and beautiful, but her bed has been made. Innocence given away to him for keeps -- it wasn't his sweet little pussy cat who purred at each and every contact; instead it was her self-esteem self-pride, self-love that had been captured. Everything about her was wrong and he reminded her that she had to choose for he knew what was best -- he was wiser. The parties, the boys, the toys they had to stop. He stressed they weren't good for someone so special. And it wasn't for long before a slap would follow a sorry, a punch would follow a beg, between thrown clothes and luggage be...

In the USA, over 900,000 children are victims of abuse & neglect every year. Child abuse is so common, yet shocking . Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual, or neglect, the scars can be deep and long-lasting, often leading to future child abuse. Learning the signs and symptoms of child abuse can help break the cycle, finding out where to get help for the children and their caregivers. Why would someone abuse an innocent child? Child abuse happens in all social groups and all ethnicities. Sadly, the abuse is overwhelmingly caused by those who are supposed to be protecting the child- the parents. There are many forms of abuse, but the result is the same- serious physical or emotional harm. Physical or sexual abuse may be the most striking types of abuse, since they often unfortunately leave physical evidence behind. However, emotional abuse and neglect are serious types of child abuse that are often more subtle and difficult to spot. Child neglect is the most common type o...

I give you no ammunition to use against me! Nothing to allow you to destroy my heart! No stray bullets to attempt to blow my mind! No gunpowder to leave on my soul! You are hollow! Like the barrel of your gun, you pull your trigger and then your done! You are an assassin and I'm the president proudly serving your country. Nicholl McGuire Domestic violence survivor and author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate http://nichollmcguire.blogspot.com