Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

She hopes to be in her abuser’s good graces.   What story can she share that will make her man smile?   What exciting event has occurred that will make him take interest?   Who might she talk about that will make him be attentive to her?   A victim who is hoping that her man might take her seriously and show interest in her once again is desperate. Needy for his affection, she talks incessantly about a celebrity he adores.   Jealous of the attention he gives his or their children, she shares far more information than necessary about them.   Worried that she isn’t doing a good enough job maintaining household responsibilities, she is over-the-top with keeping the house clean and organized.   Anxious about seeing his family and friends, she spends far too much money on food and decorations to impress them.   There is no stone left unturned with a victim who is hell-bent on winning her controlling husband or cheating boyfriend over.   She...

African American View on You - Black Love, Life and Spirituality: Feeling Pressured to Buy for Family, See Family, a... : Be free today!  No drama!  No attitude toward children who resist going over relatives' homes for the holidays!  See the writing on ...

In the beginning of the relationship, the man was quite engaged with his new partner.   Asking her about her day, sharing entertaining information about his self, and communicating future plans.   However, about four or six months later, he became withdrawn.   He didn’t offer any information without being asked and even then, he seemed visibly irritated when his lover questioned him about anything.   The woman became increasingly frustrated and tried doing more to get him to talk such as:   perform acts of service, buy gifts, shower with kind words, etc., but to no avail, the man became more closed off about himself with each passing day.   This is the beginning of an emotionally abusive relationship, a partner is deliberately withholding emotion, conversation and any other response that helps build a stable intimate relationship.   In time, there is no open or honest communication coming from the abusive one.   Questions are answered with yes,...