Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate

Learn more: Domestic Violence

"I'm content...I love him.  We have our ups and downs, but we are doing better...He's a good guy," the abused wife/girfriend says. Stop lying! Most women are not going to reveal much about how they truly feel when it comes to their partner.  Maybe one or two people might know more than others, but for the most part, if the abused woman hates the very ground her mate walks on, then no one but Jesus truly knows. Deep anger, resentment, and evil thinking can be hard to detect if the abused woman is a great actress (some of you reading this are just that).  A smile, kind words, and thoughtful deeds for one's spouse are some of the things abused women will do so that those around them don't know what is really going on. Women who lie, steal, cover, and do other things for violent, angry men don't realize that they are enabling them to keep doing bad things to them and others.  They think they are saving themselves from yet another argument and beating, so...

Some couples just don't get it, they are not meant to be with one another, but since they insist on "making it work...we love one another," then it would make sense to do the following if they think for a moment they can have a good relationship one day. 1.  Learn to listen and shut up. 2.  Stop watching violent shows and listening to angry and sad music. 3.  Avoid alcohol and drugs. 4.  Don't visit relatives and friends' homes who you know don't like you or your mate. 5.  Fight when your children aren't around. 6.  Permit people who know more than you to counsel you through your storms. 7.  Keep your business to yourself. Nicholl is the author of Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and other books.

Cursed me out the other day, he had a lot to say somehow I was blamed for everything including the bathtub's dirty ring. He says, "You need to clean up, get off your lazy butt!" I told him, "I wish your mouth would stay shut!" That's when he got up in my face and told me, "Stay in your place!" I had lost it, went to the closet... took his stuff out, and told him, "Get out!" Tired of the name-calling and swearing. Tired of looking at him and caring... "What does he think about this and that and am I really getting fat?" But he tells me he loves me and can't we work some things out. He says so many nice things after I tell him, "Just get out!" Then I say, "Okay, what more do you need to say?" Then he says, "You remember our wedding day." Looking at him, my face still grim, thinking, "Why the f&*k do I still love him?" Pain, gain, pain gain, feel like my head...