Poem: Abuser

Cursed me out the other day,
he had a lot to say
somehow I was blamed for everything
including the bathtub's dirty ring.

He says, "You need to clean up, get off your lazy butt!"
I told him, "I wish your mouth would stay shut!"

That's when he got up in my face and told me, "Stay in your place!"
I had lost it,
went to the closet...
took his stuff out, and told him, "Get out!"

Tired of the name-calling and swearing.
Tired of looking at him and caring...
"What does he think about this and that and am I really getting fat?"

But he tells me he loves me and can't we work some things out.
He says so many nice things after I tell him, "Just get out!"
Then I say, "Okay, what more do you need to say?"
Then he says, "You remember our wedding day."

Looking at him, my face still grim, thinking,
"Why the f&*k do I still love him?"

Pain, gain, pain gain,
feel like my head is going insane!
Friends say, "Have you thought to pray?"
But all I can say is, "I did that today."

You can only do the best you can,
but one day you will have to say,
"Goodbye!" to that man.

Give him some time to think about
what makes him fight and shout.

Maybe it's not you,
but what's in his mind,
that makes him want to kick your behind.

You can only take but so much until you break,
then that's when you will feel like jumping in a lake.

But before you do something to ruin you,
think about what more you can do.

You can move on with your life,
experience peace without strife.
See a doctor, see a preacher, see who you are--your best feature!

Love yourself, your children,
build up who you are,
then one day shine like a bright star!

There is no need to live in a demonic house,
running around, hiding like a mouse.

Nicholl McGuire

This fictional poem was written for someone who I know still loves her abuser, but she knows that loving herself is more important after almost killing herself years back.