You're Not Happy with Him and Everyone Knows It So Stop Lying

"I'm content...I love him.  We have our ups and downs, but we are doing better...He's a good guy," the abused wife/girfriend says. Stop lying!

Most women are not going to reveal much about how they truly feel when it comes to their partner.  Maybe one or two people might know more than others, but for the most part, if the abused woman hates the very ground her mate walks on, then no one but Jesus truly knows.

Deep anger, resentment, and evil thinking can be hard to detect if the abused woman is a great actress (some of you reading this are just that).  A smile, kind words, and thoughtful deeds for one's spouse are some of the things abused women will do so that those around them don't know what is really going on.

Women who lie, steal, cover, and do other things for violent, angry men don't realize that they are enabling them to keep doing bad things to them and others.  They think they are saving themselves from yet another argument and beating, so they reason, "If I just do these things he wants, he won't be mad at me and maybe he will be in a good mood and stay home with me sometime."  But doing anything "nice, sweet" will not guarantee a woman's safety or her children's.  Rather, it will just give her abuser further control over her.  Sometimes doing something kind like buying an angry man something for his birthday only makes him wonder, "Where did she get the money to buy that?  Why is she acting so nice?  Does she expect me to do something for her?"  The violent man is never grateful.  He is limited in his reasoning ability since in his mind he always is fighting with someone.  He doesn't seem to see things any other way, but his way and no amount of reasoning with him will calm the devils within when he has already made up in his mind that someone needs a hit, kick, slap or cursing today.

Who can be happy with someone who you have to always watch that you don't anger him?  Who can sleep peacefully at night knowing that a loved one is planning, scheming, and doing the kinds of things that will hurt others?  How much does an abused woman have to put up with before she says, "I can't take anymore I'm outta here!"

Lying about being abused is just another symptom of a sick relationship.  Trying to convince others that everything is okay when it is not shows that the abused is in need of a good doctor/therapist/psychologist.  There is a point of no return in an abusive relationship and oftentimes abused women end up there because they stayed in a violent relationship way past their tolerance level.  They have allowed a loved one to control them and they have made themselves vulnerable to more upcoming episodes of abuse.

It doesn't matter how sorry the abuser is or what he promises to do for an abused wife or girlfriend and the children in the future, the reality is he has a mental illness that can't be cured with sex, apology, buying him stuff, and lying about him to others.

Nicholl McGuire