Why Do Domestic Violence Victims Stay with Abusers

One of the most puzzling aspects of domestic violence is why victims stay with their abusers. There are many factors that can contribute to this decision, including emotional attachment, financial dependency, and fear of retaliation. Unfortunately, domestic violence often escalates over time, making it even more difficult for victims to leave. In some cases, victims may have been raised in a household where domestic violence was accepted as a normal part of life. As a result, they may not realize that there are other options available to them. In other cases, victims may be afraid that leaving the relationship will result in further violence. They may also believe that they can change their abuser's behavior if they just try hard enough. 

Ask yourself the following questions:

  • Have you (or your loved one) been emotionally or physically abused in the past? 
  • How did you or others respond to the abuse? 
  • Are you fearful of what might happen if you (or they leave)?
  • Do you reason that the name-calling, shoving, spitting, kicking, punching, cheating or any other abusive act is okay and will never happen again?
  • Do you believe that abusive behavior is acceptable?
  • Despite everything that you have experienced or witnessed, do you still find yourself saying, "But he loves...It won't happen again." How do people respond to you (or they) when that is said?
  • What is the difference between love and control in relationships?  Look that up.

While it is ultimately up to each individual to decide whether to stay or leave an abusive relationship, it is important to remember that there are many resources available to help you or the domestic violence victim escape an abusive situation and rebuild one's life. Don't be afraid to reach out for help.

Start here: Office on Women's Health and Domestic Violence Services, Inc. resources for men.

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