Friday

Angry with Partner, a Child Suffers

A father didn't anticipate having a child with a woman he once loved, but now considers crazy.  A mother cried many tears for failing to use birth control in between the many beatings she experienced at the hands of her abusive spouse.


A child suffers, he or she is unplanned, unwanted, and looks far too much like the abusive parent, he or she is treated differently.  There is a negative attitude toward the child by one or both parents.  Impatience, unexplained emotional outbursts, yelling, threats of violence, and physical abuse, the young girl or boy wishes he or she was never born to a couple who should have never had children.


Years before the son or daughter showed up, mom was a child watching her parents fight.  Her father experienced his share of abuse listening to elder brothers and sisters get beat by their father while his mother, a victim, watched.  Where does all the pain go if there is no outlet for unresolved childhood issues?  Typically, an unexpected pregnancy not only carries an innocent baby, but all the unbroken generational ties as well of both parents.  From curses to evil spirits, the womb, a battle of good and evil will one day give birth to an unsuspecting baby.  A newborn, who might have been conceived in love, but is born into emotional and/or physical chaos.


Mom fights or runs from dad when he isn't his self.  The daughter learns to stay out of sight and out of mind when dad is around.  Dad tells children, "Your mom isn't feeling well..." after yet another one of her explosive episodes, children learn much about fear.  Uneasy feelings never seem to go away in children.  They live with the constant threat of wondering when something bad is going to happen.  They are often worried.  Some experience so much worry when mean-spirited parents are around that they do the following:  lose control of their bladder, often have head and stomach issues, lie or cover-up personal feelings, runaway from home, experiment with alcohol and drugs, have sex prematurely and often, do poorly in school when they do go, or act violently toward parents and others.


Is it any wonder that a child under so much pressure at home doesn't perform as well as expected in school?  Both parents have created a nerve-racking environment.  Children are often criticized by troubled parents for what they say and do and can't play normally.  They are unable to communicate thoughts freely without being cut off or told what to say or think.  There is no feeling of love and rarely any displays of affection from abusive parents.  Should one even question why a child grows up not having any good relationships?


Angered with a violent partner, a victim will lash out on whoever just so happens to be standing in his or her way.  Needy children, often with their share of requests, can be selfish, disrespectful, and hard to parent, sometimes they are obstacles keeping a victim in his or her mess.  They cry, complain, fight, or curse parents for behaving negatively toward them; therefore repeating what they have seen their parents do to one another.


With so much pain within, it is hard to manage emotions much less daily responsibilities.  A child just wants to know, "When will things get better?  I wish mom would leave dad...I hate seeing them act like this.  Dad should just move out, live by himself!"  Children can see dysfunction and when they don't like what they see, they will react.  Delusional parents will attempt to shut them down which only makes matters worse.


A child witnessing abuse or suffering from abuse due to an angry, abused parent will not be still for long.


Nicholl McGuire maintains this blog and others.  Listen to thought-provoking spiritual commentary on life, relationships and more, here.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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