Thursday

Hen-Pecked, Controlled - The Weak-Minded Man

"She's controlling...she doesn't want you to do anything for you...she is so jealous...why do you let her treat you like that?  Man up!"  He has heard these things from critics, the abused husband/boyfriend denies what they say about his mate.  "You don't understand, she is just looking out for me.  She means well.  She isn't controlling me, I tell her what to do...don't worry, I got this!"  Sure, Macho Man, sure.


Men, who are considered hen-pecked, rarely, if ever, agree with critics when accused of allowing women to dominate them.  Hen-pecked, a term meaning men who are controlled, abused and dominated by partners, hate the adjective, but it is an accurate depiction of an abused man. 


The hen pecks at the rooster.  She doesn't care if he bleeds, cries, or fights her back, the man is a punching bag for the woman's rage within.  The troubled man, who has been dominated by his own mother or witnessed his mother control his father or step-father, allows the insults and assaults on his mind, body and spirit.  He doesn't think that what his wife or girlfriend does or says is a big deal since he has been known to be equally mean.  However, what he says or does isn't typically bad enough to put him in jail or so offensive that outsiders would take notice.


The poor man can't take a nap, watch television, or Internet surf in peace without his wife running her mouth or giving him the evil eye.  "You lazy S.O.B.!  Get over here!  What do you think you are doing?  You see, why I act the way I do, because I have a punk b*tch for a man!"  His wife is often angry, jealous, and moody most often due to a health issue or past unresolved issues.


Now some women aren't so bold with their hen-pecking and nagging, rather they operate covertly controlling their men with charm, niceties, promises, gifts, and service.  "Honey, I love you!  Would you mind cooking for me tonight?  Sweetheart would you be so kind as to give me some money?  Baby, you know I wouldn't hurt you or these kids, but if you cross me..."


The woman who appears very polite, patient even Christ-like is venomous like a serpent.  It doesn't take much for her to bite when annoyed with someone or something.  From a challenging job to difficult relatives, she is a walking head case, but most people don't know what she truly is since she hides evil so well with a painted face, manicured nails, expensive apparel, and high heeled shoes.


The controlled man knows that if he doesn't do right by his wife/girlfriend there will be hell to pay.  She may not curse at him or beat him, but she can kick him out the house since most, if not all her money paid for it and all that is in it.  She can sabotage his car, make him sick to his stomach, talk with a lawyer, call the police, tell his secrets, and force him to get rid of whoever or whatever she doesn't like including his own mother!  The bitter woman doesn't like it when her hen-pecked partner is running his own life and looks happy doing it.  So the controlled man knows how to act.  Even when times are good, if he shows that he likes someone or something other than her, he has to put on an act like he doesn't with Ms. Insecure.  His life is put on the back-burner while hers is on the front.  Whatever upsets his wife, he immediately fixes the situation even when it doesn't need fixing.  If she tells him what she likes to do even if it is an inconvenience to him or a ridiculous request, he will do what she says or else pay for it later.  Her yells, cries or passive aggressive behavior with him makes him fulfill her wishes whether he wants to do them or not.  He feels like he is a genie in a lamp, "Master, your wish is my command." 


Threats, fears and worries of "what if..." are personal motivators for the abused man to listen and obey- happy wife, happy life--his "intelligent and attractive" wife, so he tells others is just looking out for the family.  Really?  By controlling everyone and everything?  Like the female victim of domestic violence, the abused man wants the world to think he is still very much in love with his control freak for a wife.


Children try to warn the hen-pecked dad, "She is controlling."  Friends advise him to, "Be a man and don't let that woman rule you!"  Parents warn, "If she hits you again, you call the cops on her!"  He doesn't heed warnings and continues to live his life with a woman who has railroaded him into marriage, possibly a baby, or a few too many financial obligations together.  Before long, his money is paying for her ideas, visions, and fantasies.  He is saying things about "We" while forgetting "I."  There is nothing about his life that is his own!  The victim reflects back to those times, before the controlling woman walked into his life, and he tells himself, "Well, I guess this isn't so bad, I mean I didn't have back then what I have now."  The assets blind the poor man and sex with the manipulative, controlling woman further blinds him.


While the controlling woman is building up weapons against him (just in case) and feeling empowered in this relationship, as compared to others in the past, the controlled man is, for the most part, behaving himself.  Yet, one day he will awaken to the emotional abuse and/or physical abuse he has undergone by a woman who does this in the name of love (so she says).  He will begin to see the manipulation over the years, and the lies and when he awakens to reality, depending on how much he has been through, he just might turn violent.  An abused man, can be like an abused dog, who may have once been loyal to his master until she started beating him.  Now with teeth shown, he is prepared to attack.


The woman who doesn't think she is controlling, but truly is, has long created a wall around her heart as a result of being mistreated by men.  She forces herself to be nice, sweet and caring.  This is why she runs to anyone or anything that will help keep up her act.  In order to catch a man, the control freak plays a passive role to attract a man, but once she gets him, she turns into a black widow.  Her net is tightly woven around his life while there appears to be no way of breaking free.  Men who do walk away from the black widow are abused emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually.  They will use spiritual witchcraft throughout the relationship to keep some men bonded to them.  For some abusive women (in jail to date), their men never got a chance to walk away.


While the public pities the woman when a man snaps, what they don't consider are those men who have been abused for years.  The last thing they will think about is a little woman controlling a man.  They will falsely assume that pretty, nice women are never at fault until they see video or hear audio of their crazed episodes.  Even with evidence in front of the public's skeptical eyes, some will still blame the victim.  "You should have left...you should have never stayed.  Why would you stay with a woman you knew was crazy?"


Nicholl McGuire shares spiritual insight on a variety of issues on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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