Monday

Cheating is Abusive

She told me for the umpteenth time about this man she once loved coming over to her home, plopping down in front of the television, eating, and then sleeping in her bed.

I guess it would have been okay if they had plans on getting married, but this wasn't the case. He got married while seeing her, weeks after the honeymoon he came back over to have sex. After his visits, he would send her text messages, and acted as if nothing was wrong. He had told her, "Listen I love my child's mother and I want to be with her, but we could still be friends." At first she was shocked, maybe she was still in shock because she did keep letting him in her bed.

Now the wife (after almost two years of on again off again sex) is pregnant and he keeps coming in and out of the ex-girlfriend's life, because she allows him! That's right, she allows such abuse to go on.

So what he is still sleeping with her and so what the wife is pregnant, but what is wrong so wrong about this situation is she just like a woman who has been physically abused repeatedly keeps letting this man hurt her emotionally. She makes excuses, lies and tells everyone what she won't tolerate. Those around her say, "Hmm, okay, yes, that's sad, what?" Either they don't want to hurt her by telling her the truth or they just don't care, whatever their reason, this poor woman is an emotional basket case.

As her real friend, I told her the truth. Look I couldn't sit around and hand her a tissue. No I handed her advice that I picked up from the School of Hard-Knocks. "You are better than him. You are capable of meeting a man, but you will need to give yourself some time to think things through, heal from the drama, and start loving yourself. When you do this, you will be able to attract love in your life. Tell him how you feel. But most of all distance yourself from him. End it." I said more but I can't remember everything and my quotes aren't as accurate as they were that day, but you get the idea.

While she was distancing herself, she had learned that he was lying and he had other women before, during, and after her. "Hope you used a condom with him I said." Just imagine being cheated on not just with one other person, but many others and sometimes he used a condom and sometimes he didn't.

During the time they dated, while she was wondering where he was, he was naked in the bed with a woman here and there and then climbing into her bed. This is a truth that hurts to the core of your being -- it makes some women go mad ripping things up, keying cars, slashing tires, stalking their partners, even threatening to kill the other woman!

This sounds like an old story I went through minus the wife, the insanity (at least on my part) and the pregnancy. You talk about emotional abuse, this is it! You almost obsess over where he is going, what he is telling you, and you fight with the temptation to check his phone, the websites he has visited, and even follow him wherever he goes. You see, you get caught in this crazy web, because you know he is lying.

Rather than play these immature games with him, start living your life without him while your still with him. What I mean by that is don't ask him anything about his whereabouts, stop calling him, and definitely don't put yourself at risk sleeping with him without protection. Instead, create a plan for your life that will keep you so busy and provide you with enough income to say, "Goodbye drama!" It is so liberating to be able to go and come as you please without worrying over a man.

It is absolutely wonderful to find someone who you are compatible with and isn't interested in anyone but you. It is a wonderful experience to look at other women and no longer worry over whether she is the one who slept with your man. But this kind of freedom doesn't come without sacrifice, you have to let him go, you just have to; otherwise, you will keep burning up the telephone lines with yet another story to tell your friends that makes you look foolish.

Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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