Blaming it on the Alcohol, the Drugs, an Ex, a Mother--You Made Me Do It!

At home once again on the weekend, expecting to relax after five days of working, a man is seated on the couch drinking and smoking his cares away.  His partner watches the alcohol take effect while the drugs follow, she knows how he behaves when he has had more than enough in his system.  There is no rest for the weary at a place she pays many bills to keep.  Walking on eggshells, she prays her partner says nothing and does nothing to her.  But, he does.  He starts a conversation she doesn't really want to have.  He negatively talks about people she loves and cares for.  He questions what she does with her time when he is away.  He behaves rudely, slams things around, mumbles complaints,  she wonders how long will this last this time? 

There were other scenes like this, too many to count for the victim.  There were those times she ran into her children's room to keep from getting any more tongue lashings and beatings.  Then there was that time when she cried far too many tears to the point that her eyes were red and swollen for a week.  Another time, her heart rapidly beat from fear to the point she felt she was having a heart attack.  She also recalled events when her nerves got the best of her and she moved her bowels frequently and vomited much from stress--so worried about how her abuser would react about something she had done.  She watches the man, who makes excuses for his nasty ways, and she is beginning to hate him.  She can't wait for Monday, days at work are far better than they ever will be at home.

You may know of someone in a similar situation, who resents the weekends, hates happy hours, avoids holiday gatherings while wishing that alcohol ads on television screens would cease.  Those moody men and women, who believe that by using alcohol and drugs to escape their mundane lifestyles, is a cure all are hurting, not only themselves, but loved ones too.  These are selfish acts!  The older a man or woman gets, the faster he or she gets intoxicated, according to health studies.  Yet, it isn't just the alcohol or drugs a man or woman will blame for all of his or her personal drama, but the blame might also be put upon an ex, a demanding job, a controlling mother, or anyone or anything else for one's self destructive behaviors.  It is easy to blame others than to get help.

In the example, the woman is worried, stressed, and may even be contemplating making a lifestyle change, but is hesitant.  More concerned about the inconvenience it might cause her and others if she leaves the belligerent man, she reasons that he will be okay and so will she.  "The last time he was will be alright once he falls asleep," the victim tells herself.  But a hoarse voice from yelling, body aches from fighting, frequent stomach aches, and more are her reminders, do something or else.

Reasoning with anyone about issues they refuse to fix is fruitless!  Instead, one will feel like he or she is on a roller coaster ride that never stops.  Everyday is different when it comes to angry men and women.  You never know what might set them off to drink, smoke, or hurt someone.  To stay in a relationship with hot-tempered people is risky.  Despite many people in our world drinking or using drugs, it doesn't make the behavior right or beneficial.  Many families suffer behind people who claim they can hold their liquor.  But the reality is that one who doesn't have a sober mind will impact others.  They will forget to do things, lie, cheat, claim to be responsible, make excuses for bad behavior, and more.  The alcohol and drugs, the ex, and a person's mother are not to blame, but the person using and abusing them is!  An ex became an ex for good reason.  The mother had her own share of issues and the son or daughter chose to keep enabling her.  No matter the reason why an abuser feels the need to turn back a bottle or light a stick, the reality is he or she is ultimately responsible for what those items will do to him or her!

To those in these situations, avoid the blame game.  Ask yourself, "Do I really want to keep putting up with this behavior?"  Then start working to make some significant changes in your life!  Life is too short!  Do something healthy and productive while there still is time.

Nicholl McGuire wrote Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate and Laboring to Love Myself.   She shares spiritual insight on YouTube channel: nmenterprise7.


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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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