Wednesday

A Partner Didn't Mean It, Really, Sorry Yet Again - Making an Exit Plan for the New Year

Some temperamental, violent, and angry types just don't get it!  Did a partner really have to hit, yell, name-call, throw things, or use the period of silent treatment yet again to hurt you?  When a supposedly loved one seems to have bouts of going from happy to angry from getting along to creating chaos, you have to wonder, "Can I keep up with this?  How is he/she affecting me, the children...?  Do I really want this person in my life?"


What is one willing to give up right now for things like:  peace, happiness, the focus to pursue goals, the strength to stand up for self, and all other things that are healthy qualities of life?  We can make life simply too hard to live by the choices we make personally and professionally.  You might want more money, a bigger house, freedom, and other things that solve personal issues, but what do you have to do to make those things happen?  The same mindset you use when it comes to chasing after material dreams is what you have to use when exiting out of a miserable relationship.  See what is ahead and start living the dream! 


When dealing with a person who has sapped so much of your time and energy, you must start living as if the person doesn't exist.  Master that first!  Imagine your life without the individual although he or she is still around you right now, but envision what that looks like.  Now what is in your power to start making your exit plan happen?


1.  Start going places you like, not "we" like, without this person.
2.  Make plans that include you and not "we."
3.  Visit your relatives and friends (not ours) without your partner in tote.  A good support system will motivate you to stick with your plans.
4.  Work longer hours--you will definitely need the money when it is time to make your move.
5.  Find additional ways to make money and save your money in a separate bank account.
6.  Spend moments at home in a room alone. 
7.  Don't feel obligated any longer to serve the person.  He or she is mature enough to make his or her own meals, pay bills, clean up messes, etc.
8.  Start looking for a place of your dreams (this includes locations out of state).
9.  Avoid sharing personal thoughts/plans/dreams with this person.
10.  Set a date when you plan to make your move and enlist the help of others from an attorney to a police escort.  (Note: Don't visit a place of worship that he or she attends and seek counsel there; rather go elsewhere.)


Note:  Stop the love-making gradually.  This only keeps you tied to someone you obviously no longer see beneficial to you.  Start saying to yourself things like: "ex" "former partner" "past mate."  A person who repeatedly hurts you no longer deserves titles like: "husband" "boyfriend" "wife" "fiancĂ©"


The act of saying sorry is nothing more than a Band-Aid that simply covers a wound that never seems to get any better without putting some medicine on it.  Your attempt at freeing yourself from yet another episode of emotional, physical or mental abuse is launching spiritual warfare (look that up believers and start praying some of those Psalms especially Psalm 91).  It won't be easy to break free, but for those of you who have heard, "Sorry" in so many ways from a mentally disturbed individual, let "sorry" be your motivation for exiting your mistake--most likely you knew long ago you had no business selecting this person as your mate. 


As we all know, some people really do apologize from the heart, while others not so much, but those words do nothing to protect you from what is still to come--more tears, fears, and pain--do you really want more of that during the New Year?


Nicholl McGuire

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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