Decades of Marriage and What Does One Show for It?

For years a couple has been together and has hoped for the best.  Argument after argument has resulted in emotional and physical wounds.  Those who have been verbally, nonverbally and physical abusive to one another typically want to get out, but often don't--not for a long-time.  It is their wish for "things to get better" that keep them in miserable relationships even when they know they should be getting out.

What does one really have to show for being in an abusive relationship 10 plus years?  Is it the numbers that make him or her feel like one has done some thing significant in life?  Maybe it is the drama the couple has withstood over the years that make some brag about how long they have been together.  Whatever the reason that an abusive partner and his or her victim don't hesitate to share how long they have had to put up, shut up, and overall deal with one another, it just isn't healthy staying with anyone who destroys a temple that houses a God-created spirit.  It makes no logical sense to keep giving someone the best years of your life when it is obvious that he or she could care less about you, the relationship and sometimes even the children and grandchildren.  Why bother?

No amount of numbers can justify being with a controlling individual who not only broke down his or her partner, but sons and daughters too.  They also walk around with old wounds.  They have the memories of when parents fought and observe how they still treat one another to date.  The words, images and feelings are nothing good when sons and daughters still find themselves walking on eggshells around one or both parents. 

Some sons and daughters never get over "what happened when...," simply because abuser and victim don't want to acknowledge their mistakes, make wrongs right, or even bother to distance themselves from one another.  For some of these couples, staying for the sake of children is long past due.  Sons and daughters have long left turbulent households forever grateful to be far away from the sickness of two people who forced themselves to be together for so long.  Yet, misery does love company and will find ways to call back victims to the toxic household especially when the couple hasn't been getting a long lately.

Energy draining marriages are prolonged due to: familiarity, past memories, spiritual reasons, toxic emotional and physical ties, and most of all personal assets.  This is the most significant reason in many marriages why two stubborn people stay together.  They acquired material wealth during the length of the marriage they refuse to walk away from.  Therefore, two wounded souls aren't going anywhere.  For them mind, body and soul healing, is not worth leaving one's material assets behind.   Not only will abuser and victim fight one another, but they will also fight to keep personal belongings too.

With years of things shared between the abuser and victim, neither want to walk away.  Unfortunately, some women and men have lost their lives disputing over things like: money, cars, homes, and more.  Is it really worth it?

Although hearing that one has been with a person for 10 plus years is admirable, it doesn't mean that the relationship is stable, is something to be appreciated, or honored.  This is why some children could care less how long mom and dad has been married.  The truth is they would have been more happy had the victim divorced his or her abuser.  No child wants to see and experience a parent's unhappiness.

Nicholl McGuire also writes books.  Do check them out here:

Know Your Enemy: The Christian's Critic
When Mothers Cry
Laboring to Love Myself
Laboring to Love an Abusive Mate
Floral Beauty on a Dead End Street
Spiritual Poems By Nicholl

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God didn't put you with an abusive mate. Your flesh did.

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